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Hey, It's been a rough couple of days. Tuesday..... that was a day of just pure rage. Wednesday...... still angry. Thursday...... getting better. It's an employee at work. I can deal with alot but some things just are too much. And I have a good rapport with my employees (always have had) but this one female just grates me and I broke on Tuesday. MY boss wouldn't even talk to me (he knows me very well) and knew I was not to be reckoned with for a while. I have hurt my ribs about a month ago and I am sick and tired of this doggone pain. I can't even sleep cause it hurts so bad. And then to top it off, my son blew up his motor in his truck so we had to go shopping for a new one and I was exhausted. I know it sounds stupid but it does help posting on here when I feel like smoking. I had to white knuckle it sometimes. I thought about going to the store and buying a pack.... thought about my favorite glow in the dark ashtray. I thought about just never coming back here and accepting the fact that I will always be a smoker. I didn't feel like holding myself accountable for myself. But I did have a sense of accountability to y'all. So in the end, I just kinda backed off from everyone........ and everything. Slept when I could. And today was MUCH MUCH better !!!! My son has a new truck. I'm not angry at the broad that I have working for me anymore. (although I still don't think I like her) and I got some much needed sleep last night. And I have an appt on Monday for my ribs cause nothing is helping. So in answer to your question.... still smoke free and feeling MUCH MUCH better !!!!

Thanks guys. I'll be okay

I'm angry. No. I'm past angry. I'm in a full blown mother fuc king rage. I keep thinking I need a cigarette to calm down. I don't know what else to do. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do today. I have to calm down and walking isn't cutting it.

Evelyn, today has been rough for me. And it's only 9 am here. I woke up wanting one and still wanting one. Questioning again if I can do this. Things had been going smooth sailing and now today has hit. I am actually almost in tears over this. So I got on here. And we all know how much I hate asking for help on here. So you know it had to be bad..... lol And then...... here you are. I'm glad I logged on now. Sweetie, I know this sounds horrible. But you're not on here to "fit in" or to make friends. You are on here to save your life. I know that people quit responding after you fail so many times. That's ok. You don't need them to tell you what to do. You know what to do. If you were new, then yes, all the support would be given to you cause the newbies are so uneducated about the process. We aren't newbies. But you need us. And we need you. Your biggest cheerleader should be you. It doesnt' matter who's listening. You're listening. And everytime you get on here and cheer yourself, you are retraining your brain. Your not alone. I've been battling this for years. But here I am now. Quit. It takes some people alot longer than others and then there are some that never quit. You don't have to die from this. You can change it. There's no reason to be ashamed. Disappointed in yourself.... yes. Saddened that you smoked again.....yes. Let that be a driving force. But to be ashamed.... no. Shame will defeat you. And eventually that same shame will convince you to smoke again. Let that go. I really hope you do stay. I want to see you.

Get your ass back here. You can do this. You need to stop screwing around and let's get it done. It's so not worth the path you're taking. Please, come back.

Just checking in..... I'M STILL QUIT AND LOVING IT !!!!!

Yes. Because it wouldn't be in flight, therefore, he would still be ambulating via a hop.

Just checking in..... still here and still quit. Although I have had a rough last 3 days and several times thought about smoking. More so that I have for a little while. My son blew up his freaking truck. Stress all the way around. I kept thinking of Allen Carr's thing about a flat tire. It's really good that I heard that cause not sure I would have made it without that comparison. Doing great !!! Just staying busier than a mosquito in a nudist colony. Hope all is well with you all.

Thank you !!! I didn't see it. But I usually log on and read for a little and then log off. I'm not a searcher..... lol

I didn't see this. Thank you so much. It's been a rough 2 months but I have to say it is getting easier.

Guess what today is ?!?! 2 months for ME !!!!! I feel so freaking good. I can't believe I have made it 2 WHOLE ENTIRE MONTHS !!!! And to those that supported me this time, I cannot thank you enough. I could NEVER EVER EVER have done this without you.

Get used to thinking about it. For me, trying to fight thinking about it made the struggle so much harder. Think about it, recognize it for what it is and then do something else. The longer you don't act on the thought..... the thoughts seem to get farther and farther apart. Keep going. You're doing great !!

Who are you ?

That is EXACTLY what I was doing. I recognized it for what it was. However, I was disappointed that I was feeling that way. We only do what we give our selves authority to do. I did. Thank you. I went to see a movie with my son. The thing is I want to live my life without EVER thinking how good it would be to have one. I don't want to live feeling like I can't do something. I am determined to get there. I just don't know how yet so it's kinda like feeling your way around in the dark. The act of smoking is not just smoking. It's so much more than that. I'm just trying to figure out how to get to that other side peacefully. Yes sir, it is. Thank you for that. I need to read it more often........ Not sure how to take this question. I'm hoping I'm taking it wrong. I'm here. And I'm still quit. I will be 2 months in 2 days. I'm not going back to smoking EVER. I feel so much better. And quite frankly, it stinks to high heaven. I'm sorry that I go "missing." I don't mean to. I'm actually having really good days now. I still think about smoking at various times. But that night was really hard on me. However, it wasn't a crave. It was an acceptance. It's hard to explain. A mental badgering of sorts. I was really disappointed in myself for feeling like that. Sometimes, I feel like Billy Badass and think I can conquer this with my fists in the air. And then other times, I feel so weak. It's those weak moments that I don't know how to handle. So I internalize it. Hence the disappearance. Being on here for whatever reason, reminds me of how weak I am at those times. But today and the last few days have been GREAT !!!! I even applied for a new position at work. Scary scary move. It will require me relocating to a different office. I have been at this same office for 25 years. But it's a pay raise and I will only be working 3 days a week instead of 5.

Wow, I missed this...... :( Happy burfday Saz !!!!! I hope you had a good one. tell the truth.......did you get arrested walking around in your birthday suit ?

A noisy stalker isn't very successful. Quit stalking and join us !!! We love you Evelyn and you're definitely not alone. It's not easy for everyone to quit. It's taken me 4 years to finally do it. (not that I encourage you to wait that long....)

So today was going ok..... and then for some reason, tonight has been hell. I am not questioning if I want to smoke. It's almost like I know I'm gonna do it. Not really craves but more like...... accepting the fact that I am going to smoke. I don't know how to explain it but it is really making tonight hard. It's like I wanna give up. And it's taking everything in me to not go to the store and buy a pack. I don't get it. I was doing so good.

change the format on here or is it my computer ? i like it

Evelyn, I am so sorry to read this. I know you keep asking everyone to not give up on you.... but you give up on you. And cutting..... my Lord girl. That crap causes scars. Don't you have enough of those already ? I don't know who hurt you or even if you have been hurt..... but it seems to me you hurt yourself far more than anyone else has. I hope you really quit. If there is nothing else you give to yourself, quit smoking. It's not just about lung cancer and the crap you hear about how bad smoking is..... it's about really loving yourself. It's about living. Just live for today. Can you do that Evelyn ? Can you just do today ?

Just checking in...... Hold on to your seat.... I'm still quit. 50 days, 4 hours and 3 minutes. Havent' smoked 1505 cigarettes. I had to leave for a while. I did log on and saw a post about Stewie being 7 months and still struggling. My mind went crazy with that....."7 months and still struggling ?!?!" I can't do this for 7 months. Please note, Stewie, that there is nothing wrong with that or you posting it..... it was my thinking. But I could see myself adopting his quit as my own. Thinking that I can give myself permission to smoke cause that would be better than 7 months of this shet. So I had to separate myself. And understand that this is my quit. I still have my junkie thinking. It's mostly "I can do this. Now that I know how to do it, I can do it again" I just don't really act on it though. Some days are harder than others..... but all in all..... it's beginning to smoothe itself out. I have also been really busy. Got sick and then life took over again. But I'm still here. And I'm still quit.

I'm addicted to Sonic sweet teas. I will never give that up. Besides, there isn't a quit sweet tea forum. So can't be THAT bad.....

Keep going. It does get easier. Even if you have to put your head down and barrel your way through it. Proud of you !!

I am still here. Still quit. And still very sick. I over cleaned a room with bleach and I hurt my lungs and sinuses. I ended up missing work Friday and haven't left the house yet today. Hurts to cough.And my whole sinus cavity is hurting. And I'm such a big baby when I'm sick.

Good thing you were able to wake up. Keep smoking and one day..... you won't. That's the nice thing about dreams. You can always change them. You're doing awesome Evelyn. I am so stinkin proud of ya. Keep going girl, you're stronger than you think.

Quote shortened for space, however, this really needs to be at the top of EVERY page. I wish I could have read this days ago....... even weeks.