...

Hiya Tom. It's good to meet you. I am glad to hear your ready. And it sounds like you have some kiddos that want to keep their daddy around for a very long time. You can do this. And when you feel like you can't, then lean on us. Glad to have you here. And remember the most important thing is to NEVER stick something in your mouth and set it on fire. WELCOME TO THE QUIT TRAIN !!!!

Everything I have learned/ heard in the past year from here and other places has really set in this time. It's almost like I have 2 different brains. And one of them is on autopilot. A couple of days ago, I was sitting at my desk and i got up and was heading somewhere. Where am I going ? Wait a minute. I'm going out to smoke. But I don't smoke anymore. Little thoughts would pop in my head and I would counteract them. Yesterday was good. Today, I am feeling it quite a bit stronger. It's like I want to smoke, but I know that I don't. The thought goes into my head of the just one.....and then immediately I think "a puff away from a pack a day" I think.....you did 6 weeks already, you still have 4and a half months till you start to feel better. And I question if I can do another 4 and a months. Then almost immediately I think.....all I have to do is today. I wonder how y'all did this..... and then I think "y'all did it the same way I'm doing it, one day at a time." I could go on and on...... Smoking is Not an Option Today. Your nervous because your NOT smoking. I don't really know what my point to all this is. Except maybe to say I'm so glad that no one gave up on me. I know it may have taken some time and you possibly even felt like you were banging your head on a wall but what you did say has finally sunk in. Even the little things. Julie popping in yesterday and saying she's enjoying her smoke free life has helped. I know that I will get there too. Amy popping in and saying she doesn't feel ready. I remember those days. And I never want to go back to them. I never want to feel that emotional tie to a cigarette ever again. I wondered earlier today if I was cut out for this. Of course, I am cut out for it. This is the way life is supposed to be. Smoke free. No matter how many times you tell yourself a lie, it will still never be the truth. Marcus, I hope you have a urinal. There will be no intermission with this quit.

Did you REALLY think we were gonna let you get away ????? You're never going to be a happy smoker again. You have no where to go but to finally give in. You'll be so glad you did. I'm looking forward to August 29th !!!!

Thank you !! I did it.

Yes, you do. But you know this.....your just letting your fear get the best of you right now. We miss you.

How do I get my quit date below my picture ?

I decided to quit on a Thursday. Smoked almost 4 packs that day. The whole day thinking how I will quit at noon, I'll quit at 1:00. I'll finish this pack, ok, I can't do it now....it's the middle of the day. I'll quit when I get home. Ok, I'm home, I'll smoke my last one tonight. Now my date moved to Friday. And then I woke up and still had 7 remaining in my pack. Ok, I'll smoke these (don't want to be wasteful). And then I ran out at 11:50. On Friday. I had to make a decision. And I did. It's scary Amy. I'm not gonna lie to you. I didn't think I was ready. Not sure I even think I was now. But what's the worst that can happen by stopping now ? The earth is not gonna go off its axis. The sun isn't gonna fall short of rising the next morning. I'm just gonna be a cranky weirded out bitch for the next few days. I've been that before !!!! I can be that again until I get it worked out. That's where we come in. You can say ANYTHING you want to us. We will still be here supporting you.

Hi Amy. So your still listening to that little monkey, huh ? Yeah, he does sing a pretty good little tune, doesn't he ? Kinda got used to him. Well, he's a liar. And if your gonna wait until your ready, then your gonna die a smoker. Your not EVER gonna be ready while your still listening to him. And if the day comes that you finally think you are ready, just wait until you don't smoke for a few hours..... You think he's busy now ? Oh noooo, he gets really loud then. I still hear him. Some days, he is louder than my own thinking. But he's getting quieter and quieter. I'm just refusing to give in to him any more. And I like it. I like not smoking. I feel so much better physically. My mind isn't quite there yet but I do believe it will get there. I know I'm willing to give it time. Something I've never done before. I do know where your coming from though, but I also sure do hope you decide to listen to us one day. I like you. And I would really like to hear that you have made a decision for yourself that not only can extend your life, but improve it dramatically. Cutting down might work. But I do what will work. And that's finally saying your just gonna jump. No matter what, just jump. And then lean on us as much as you need to. Either way, I'm glad to see you here. Your desire hasn't completely abandoned you. And that makes me very very happy.

I just had dinner with a friend of mine who is not only extremely analytical but he also happens to be a reformed drug addict.. And we talked extensively about addiction. Ok, I get what y'all are saying. He explained alot of things to me and I think he even made me realize where I was going with this train of thought I was on. I have always felt that being addicted to something, being an addict means you don't really have control over it. And I don't like that idea. I feel like I'm on auto pilot now at times, just going through the motions and feeling quite helpless about it. I have no control over my hair being brown, being female (as Sarge stated) hence no control over being an addict. But I do have a choice as to whether I want to be a junkie or a non practicing addict. He also told me that I am trying to find a loop hole. That what I am doing is trying is convince myself that I have so much control over myself, that I can smoke and and control it. I didn't think about it like that and truly wasn't trying to do that. But I think he might have been right. He also reiterated something y'all said. He told me to be more patient. That I'll catch up with myself in due time. So Sarge, ok, I get it. I'm an addict. But I still am going to hold strong that I am a non practicing addict. I really wasn't trying to argue with anyone about it. I was trying to wrap my head around it and just saying I'm one, or trying to prove I am with repeated failed quits wasn't answering my questions. I'm getting my head wrapped around it now.

Thanks Nancy. I don't know how to make it any clearer that I'm not fighting a crave to smoke. And I'm not sure where you get that I'm making this harder on myself or playing mental gymnastics. I thought I was simply trying to figure this out about being an addict. And feeling normal again. I don't have a desire to resume smoking. It seems as though, somehow, everything I have heard in the last year has finally sunk in. It's becoming real to me. If I'm an addict, then I guess I need to deal with it at that angle. I was just wondering if it could be a mental thing and not just because I'm an addict. Mind over matter does not equate to I'm an addict. In fact, it's a contradiction. In my mind. Maybe I'm wrong.

Oh and by the way, today is 40 days for me. And I will see 41 days, 42, 43 and so on.

When I was younger, I did a lot of drugs. A whole lot. And I was with the same man through high school and for several years after. And we did a lot of drugs together. Until I found out I was pregnant. And then it all stopped. Did I miss it ? Of course. But I had a baby on the way and I just stopped. I didn't go to meetings or get support. I just stopped. Not him. He had to go to NA meetings and tell everyone how he be told how to do this life without the use of mind altering chemicals. We didn't last because of this. He wanted to get married. But I wasn't willing to accept that anyone has to go in front of a bunch of strangers and say "Hi, my name is ......and I'm a drug addict". ARE YOU SERIOUS ???? Why can't you just be someone that used to do drugs end now you don't ? That's what I am. And I don't do them now nor want to. I don't wake up in the morning wishing I had a hit of acid, or a joint to smoke. As a matter of fact, I find life much more pleasurable without it. I love my life. And this is how I want to be with smoking. I am NOT a weak person. I have a career, a life, friends, children that are the world to me, a full staff that I manage mostly by myself and I am a very strong willed person. My life is good. I am sick of thinking about not smoking. And quite frankly am getting angry about it. I don't want to smoke. I'm in no danger of smoking. I just can't seem to get my thoughts to agree with me. And it's pissing me off. I don't want to have to rely on a internet support forum, I don't want to have to read anything. I just want to FREAKING GO ON WITH MY LIFE !!!!!! I don't need a label to do that, do I ? Maybe I need to take a break for a little while. I think maybe I need to quit internalizing this so much. Yes, that woman affected me. Her level of denial was so blatant. And I thought I took things head on.

And I REALLY liked your response to Jays triggers suck. That was freaking awesome !!!

Isn't it amazing ? I love not smoking. I feel so much better !!!! We should have done this a long time ago.

Lol !!!! I agree.

Now that makes sense to me. I don't like labeling someone just because they failed a quit or they struggle quitting. There has to be a defined line as to what characterizes an addict. You don't see people using meth and not becoming addicted to it, however, you do see non "addicted" smokers. Which causes me to think its a frame of mind instead of a physical issue. Sarge, it's funny you spoke up. Your the one that made me think about this. You said those same exact words a while back to me. And while dealing with this woman, she tells me that she had a nurse in the hospital who thought she had a serious drug problem. She eloquently referred to this nurse as "Miss Nurse Saveahoe" and that this nurse lectured her on maybe getting some help. And then she proceeds to tell me she's not addicted. She doesn't even have a bad drug problem. She's just allergic to the metals in the needle. I was floored. SHE'S MISSING AN ARM !!!! And yet, to say she was an addict, she would shut you up. It makes my skin crawl to think I'm addicted to something. And then I wondered......is this how I sound to you ? I've had 2 heart attacks at the ripe young age of 34 and 35. I loved smoking. I think about it now......and even rationalized my smoking. How it helped me, how we all have to die sometime, yada, yada, yada. It's just me thinking. Maybe I need to come to terms with a label. Maybe I'm looking for a way out. I don't know. Maybe there are different levels to addiction. There may not any definite answer. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how one can call themselves an addict. What the definition is. Whatever it is, I can't stop thinking about this woman. My heart breaks for her. And I'm not sure why this particular woman. I think it was the sadness in her eyes.

Sorry if I sound confused. Just trying to figure this out and having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

Sometimes I do charity work for a homeless shelter. A really good friend of mine runs it and I help her out whenever she needs it. In the last 2 weeks, she has called me in twice. Seems she is getting an influx of abscesses from IV drug abuse. The first one I saw was from heroin abuse. 23 years old with a 4 year old little boy that she doesn't have custody of any more. The second one I saw last night. She has already lost one arm in an infection from an infected meth injection and now has another abscess in her remaining arm from the same thing. And she has an 8 year old little boy that she does have custody of. And this morning, I get another call from her. She has another one in there that I will see tonight. I've been thinking, more in awe, at how much people will put their poor bodies through to get that next fix. I have listened patiently and not said anything as people have announced on here and other places calling themselves nicotine addicts. I haven't ever agreed with that term. To me, these people are addicts. Me, personally, have always felt that I have developed a habit that's really hard to break. I have never thought of myself as an addict. Which has led me to think.......are we doing this much damage to our bodies and it's just not as evident. I would NEVER EVER let anything come before my children. I don't understand that. But one day, I made my son go to the neighbors and get me cigarettes. She knew I was trying to quit and I knew she wouldn't not give them to my son if he asked. Is that manipulation or addiction talking ? It's a fine line there. And then I thought about Doreen's husband and about all the patients I see that are on borrowed time and how they sneak smoking. Knowing that is what got them there in the first place. Does that define addiction ? One loses an arm and I call it addiction. One loses his life and I call it a habit. I have a really hard time with the word "addict".....but seeing these people and knowing what I would have done for a cigarette at times has got me wondering. What if cigarettes, today, became immediately illegal ? What lengths people would go to to smoke.....would I have been one of those people ? What is the only form nicotine could be taken was IV ? Would people still do it to the extent they do today in inhalation form ? Just me wondering and being angry. Angry that someone could actually want to hurt themselves and their kids by just getting a good feeling. There are so many good things about life and they just seem to be short changing themselves. It's sad. And wondering if I'm the same as them. I don't want to be.

Bear with you ? Susana, if I could, I would carry you on my back. You just hold on tight to us. We are all in this with you.

Susanan, NOOOOOO !!!!!! Listen, take some deep breaths. Do whatever you need to do to not smoke. And consider taking the gum out of the equation. Or at least decrease it. Your playing mind games with your junkie mind. I can't write as much as I want cause I'm at work. But please dont relapse. We both have been doing this long enough that we really need to get serious about it. You can do it. And I dont want to lose my quit buddy. Just get through today. That's all you have to do. Just today. You can do that.

Jay, This is the time to reinforce your non smoking brain. Read about what cigarettes do to you, watch you tube videos. Go for a run. Do whatever you can to try and not think about what you think your missing. Its all a lie. It's a lie that we have trained ourselves to believe. I look at it as a bad relationship. You have to go through the break up and not go back. It does suck. But your worth every nail biting, teeth clenching minute of it !!!! Keep on going. Your doing great. And the only way to ensure that you NEVER have to go through this again is to NOT give in to the triggers.

I was telling someone today that I smoked in the hospital room that I was in when I had my daughter. I used to walk through the malls smoking. You could go out to eat and smoke right there at the table. I don't know that people really look down at us or if they just realize how much cigarettes do hurt and don't want to be part of it. O rmaybe they do look down at us. Kinda like a junkie exposing themselves..... And it stinks. It really is a nasty habit.

not like a bad lost, but just kinda like..... hmmm, what do I do now ? Like tonight. Right now, I would be sitting out on the front deck smoking a cigarette, enjoying the sun setting while having a territorial war with about 50,000 mosquitoes. And now, I don't want to go outside. But I don't know what I want to do either. Is this what y'all mean when y'all say that one can truly just relax as a non smoker ? This is nice. and kinda weird. I guess I'll take F'ugly for a walk. He will like that.

I had 2 birds, finches. I named one "Cat" and the other "Food". And that's exactly what they ended up being. :( I also had a snake named "Thor" He was cool too !!! I lost him once and he was gone for several months. I looked everywhere for him. And then I moved and he was nowhere to be found. And then about a month into my new place, a friend of mine noticed something moving under the couch and wah lah !!! There he was !!! He had been in the couch the whole time.