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Hey Stu, I'm still here and on day 2. I have a thing on my phone called "Cessation Nation" and it says right now that I'm 1 day, 10 hours and 29 minutes since my last cigarette, I have saved a whopping 16 dollars and 35 cents. I haven't smoked 50.30 cigarettes and I have saved 5 hours and 1 minute of my life. Quit trains says 1 day and 16 hours. I don't get it. I'm trying not to focus on quitting. I am trying to just go about my life without smoking. But I'm in a full blown rage and have been since last night. I have been through this before and I'll go through it again.

I will stick around. I only leave when I feel weak. But yeah, I will be reading. At least once a day.

Stu, I don't even know what to say to your post. I read it last night. And I read it again. And it really made me think. And it made me cry. You are what I don't want my children to ever have to go through. I think Robert is right. Tiffany needs to start listening to Tiffany. Thank you to all of you. I put out my last cigarette at 9 pm last night. I quit.

Please let me rephrase what I meant by saying "I enjoy smoking." I don't enjoy it per se. I am aware of the dangers of smoking. Maybe I didn't say it right. What I meant by that whole paragraph was that these are the thoughts that I think when I think of quitting or when I quit If I really enjoyed it, then I wouldn't be here. I think it is commonly referred to as "romancing" it. I was just trying to put what exactly I would think down into words...... to maybe combat those thoughts. Just my stupid way of trying to prepare, that was all. Thank you. That's what I need to hear. Very good question...... I have no idea why Action. I'm still trying to figure that part out. I have thought about that too. However, I feel like I need to get mentally prepared for this. It may not take until the 28th. That's just my target date for now. 2 years, thank you very much. lol Like that makes much of a difference...... duh. But to say I haven't learned anything..... I think I have. But for some reason, I'm refusing to allow myself to internalize it....... if that makes any sense, I don't know. Quitting to me, should not be that big of a deal. Until I quit..... and then I can't think, I am fuzzy headed, I'm angry and it ends up monopolizing my thoughts. And that's what I DON'T like. All I can say is I'm not going into the new year smoking. That, I am determined, not to do. I'm just trying to figure out a way that it's not something I don't enjoy, but something that I do. And I'm trying to start the process now....mentally and then quitting physically. That was all. If I'm full of shit, then tell me. Thank you Doreen and Jenny.

is the day I have decided to quit. I had already made up my mind not to go into the new year smoking. I want to get through Christmas and I have something going on with a furry family member that is rather emotional. However, December 28th is the anniversary of a very good friend. So I have decided to pick that date to honor him. Now..... someone asked me a while back.... do you want to quit or do you want to want to quit ? It's taken me a while to get honest with myself....or maybe I couldn't tell the difference. I do know there's a part of me that wants to but there's a part of me that enjoys it. I guess that is what confuses me the most. How can I desire something I don't like ? I equate it to being institutionalized. Having been imprisoned for so long, I don't know what to do in the real world. I enjoy smoking. I don't really want to quit. I will quit later when it's a better time. My job is too stressful to quit (I have an extremely draining job but I love it). Some people are just not genetically wired to quit and I'm one of those people. I don't have months to deal with this. I have a very active life and this is just hindering that. It's relaxing. It's the only time I have for myself, for just me. I will NEVER allow myself to get a smoking related illness , I will exercise and eat right to counteract the damage smoking is doing......these are what go through my head. Over and over again. I hate the mental badgering. For me....... this is the monster under the bed. But the flip side of all this is: I've been doing this for 22 months. Had I stuck with it 22 months ago, I would be past all this. And that monster would be dead. But truth be told, I gave up. This last relapse, I told myself that I was done with quitting. I have done this enough times to know I either can't do it or I don't want to. However, I can't breathe. And I'm tired all the time. My kids are trying to make stupid deals with me to quit. And to top it off....my son told my daughter this week "she's never going to quit. So we may as well quit hoping". I have never felt so ashamed as a parent. December 28th is my quit date. I'm going to take this time to read and change my thinking about it again. And please..... I am asking for no "you got this" or way to go's. I have had enough of those to last me a life time. I think at this point, I need tough love. Thought provoking questions to make me see the real truth and not all this bullshit that I tell myself. I'm not trying to be rude. I just need to get this done so I can actually move on with my life as a non smoker. I want to be healthy and I want to be an example to my children. So that's my plan. I will see you on the 28th. Or maybe sooner if I have a question. lol.

I love the holidays !!!

I do a lot of online shopping as well.

Thanks y'all. I had a good one. And now I'm fixing to tackle some shopping for Christmas. I went last night to one store and ended up buying me something and one thing for my daughter. That was it. I'm a people person, but I am not good with crowds. I get claustrophobic real fast. So I may be home in 15 minutes or I may be gone all day......but I'm gonna give it a shot. lol Hope everyone is doing good. I think about y'all and I'll try to stop in when I can. Take care and Merry Christmas !!!! Love y'all !!

I'd return it. No amount of money is more rewarding than peace of mind.

I just wanted to tell y'all HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!! And I hope everyone has the bestest one they have ever had. oops.... I meant to put this in socializing. Please feel free to move it

Your doing good Natalie. I'm so freaking proud of you. You need to pat yourself on the back. Good night and sweet dreams.

can I make one more suggestion ? When you go to bed tonight, do something different. LIke maybe have a glass of juice or sleep with a different pillow. But break your routine. Just a little bit.

Have you read the thread "do you know what your smoking ?" I will see if I can find the link for you. It's pretty scary. ha ha, you found it

Oh tobacco is in there too. With 3,999 other components.

How are you feeling ?

I run the hospice unit for a cancer institute here in Houston.

And yes, some do smoke for 50 years. But I can also tell you that NO ONE gets away with it unscathed. The time will come. For some, it comes sooner, and for others, later. But you are changing the family abuse. Right now. You are teaching your unborn children that they can live free from this. You are changing your whole family for generations to come. Think about it. Your dad taught you, someone taught him and you are stopping the insanity of it all now.

It's a set up. And it's cruel. They know what they are doing and they still do it. Do you know there are actually anti depressants and anti anxiety components in those damn things ?

I get home from work and wah lah !! dinner is made. I love it.

I'm not a big baker. Heck, I'm not really even a good cook. BUT !!!! I have been doing crock pot cooking the last few days and OH. MY. GOD !!!! It's so goooood !!!!

I'm sorry to hear that. Your definitely making the right choice. Can you imagine raising children NEVER knowing a smoking mommy ? That's the way it was meant to be. Cigarettes are evil.

Good, the cookies will definitely help. My favorite is chocolate chip with walnuts. lol Reading and art, huh ? That's pretty cool I bet you can write pretty good too. Your doing good, just keep going...... by the time you wake up in the morning, your gonna be so freaking proud of yourself.

Are you eating something ?

Your doing amazing. I noticed it was an hour since your first post and the last one before I signed on. And you didn't go smoke !!! Do you know what that means ? That means you REALLY want to quit. And your doing fabulous !!!!

Cigarettes affect your blood sugars for quite some time. Eat something and let's see if you feel better. And let's talk about something other than smoking. Or not smoking. lol Tell me a little about your self.