Mike.

Here's your answer today. I'm finishing up the sixth day of cessation. Go Habs!

Hey Marcus, The quit is solid. It will be fine. I was referring to the dragons, left to be slain. RunFree's sage advice and perspective on attacking them, impressed me. It is much better than I could have written. m/ edited <so as not to come across as a smart-ass>.

It "helps", to have others, put into perspective, what one is thinking and feeling. I was going to blather on about "Shakes" today. I have no need. Sgt. Sausage and RunFree, said it in five sentences. Sgt. Sausage: "I knew at the end of the second day, I can do this". (A paraphrase, probably. It was a long time ago). I took it to mean, he knew at the end of the second day, he *would* do this". RunFree: @ three months: "I feel like now I can just get on with it". On major changes: "I've been at the Start Over phase twice before...once in response to a death, once from a divorce. It helps to be completely open to possibilities. I know there are great things ahead. And it's also a shit load of effort to get there." I know you can connect the dots.

I will not smoke today.

This afternoon, the term homeostasis, came to mind. No doubt in part, because of the passing thoughts I have had since reading the discourse in this thread, yesterday. I think the purpose bakon had in starting the thread, was just that ... homeostasis. I could of entered into the dialogue or, posted this there but, it was enough to read and let the posters have their way with it. Please, disregard the intended pun term of "piggy-back", if "shitz and giggles", is not "in the cards" for you today but, I am of course doing just that, with this thread. I found myself thinking in part, of all the abuse, heaped on my mind and body, to only remain here, relatively unscathed. The term homeostasis, came to mind. I was outside, standing by my car enjoying the day, before getting in it to go and get my daily brainzap. I was wondering why I am still here, given everything. How amazed I was then, to be able to ... well, just stand and be in the moment and be. To enjoy the day, the blue skies, the warm sun, the peacefulness of it. And, homeostasis, was the only thing that stood out, amongst those thoughts in that moment, that could explain why I am. Of course, because of the medical term of it, my body like all living things, is always trying to reach a healthy state of it. A real miracle of life, when one thinks of the physiology and organic chemistry of it. Mostly, I was thinking of the psychologic thinking of "Homeostasis", (it is mentioned on that page), and not so much the physiologic part. Though, I was having flashes, of reaching towards the physical parts of it that are on my "bucket list". Including, getting back to the gym, start doing what my Naturalpathic doc, wanted me to get at a year ago, (special diet), and a very few supplements, that are really important, if one is bent towards, naturalistic living, (I am). Oh, speaking of diet, I reached my goal weight today. I weighed myself, (first time in a month at least), and I am now 5'10" and 159 lbs, (160 was the goal). I expect to loose a little more fat, as I put on more muscle in the gym, over the coming months, to remain at my healthy goal weight. I digress, so a new paragraph is warranted. Here, I am ... I felt invigorated with these thoughts of my, pursuing "my homeostasis". That was a kind of an epiphany for me. I have been stuck, with my wheels, spinning in the muck and the mire, and it hasn't been fun. Today, I was having "happy thoughts", (not the norm) as I was getting "zapped". I don't think that session itself, had much to do with it but, that is when the epiphany happened. I found myself looking forward to the results, of doing the things the docs want me to do, and the things on my bucket list, that compliment theirs. How can I frame this experience here? Well, thanks for that thread bakon. It got me thinking. That's no small feat these days. Tomorrow, I want to speak about "Shakes".

Two Saskatchewan hunters, Bob and Fred, were going on a hunting trip. They got to where they wanted to be and started walking. After about a half an hour of walking, they sit down and take a rest. Bob says to Fred, 'I'm not feeling too well". Fred says, "Well, we can walk back to the truck". Bob says, "Yeah, let's do that". So they start walking. About 15 minutes into the trip, Bob falls over. Fred panics and calls 911. The operator answers and says, "911, what is your emergency?". Fred says, "My friend fell over with a heart attack, I think he's dead, what should I do?". The operator says, "Well, first let's make sure he is dead". Fred says, "Okay". The operator listens and hears a BANG!!! Fred gets back on the phone and says, "Okay. He's dead ... now what?".

Listening to this song, it struck me how it is ... like smoking. "With or Without You"; U2

Hi Doreen. I picked you out to respond from all the kind responders. I consider you "one of my babies"; one of the ones I gave much attention to and followed closely when you first quit. Why would I call you a "baby"; because you are a "babe", one in my youth I would "come at"? Well, yes and no. Yes, I have thought you could have handled me, and no, I can't remember how to do that any more, But, I consider all my special projects, that stick around and help the newbies, my "special babies". I do know, that I haven't responded to your posts to me since I have come back, and I feel guilty about that. I wanted to do it now. But, please cut me some slack, there has been a number of "special friends", that have reached out, and responding to them all, is tough when I am quitting and then smoking again and running and hiding. Never mind having jumbled up thinking processes now ... that hasn't made it any easier. So, everyone ... I suppose you might wonder how I am today. Me too! I just got back from the hospital. I know this though. I don't recommend quitting smoking, doing a bowel prep, and a colonoscopy all in the first 24 hours of a quit. It guess it seemed a good idea at the time. My advice is ... QUIT SMOKING FIRST! The withdrawal last night was interesting ... It was more of hasty retreat, with multiple explosions going on. I have a different understanding of what INTERNAL COMBUSTION means now. I may have found a new form of locomotion, that is seemingly one of PERPETUAL MOTION. It had a propulsion of all its own. I got to the hospital smoke free this afternoon, and they gave me IV Fentanyl. That is nice stuff. I don't think there was any Versad though, because I remember everything ... but, that is a curse of mine. I don't forget easily, even when I would rather. Beauty and the Beast, double teamed me, and cut out 7 polyps with one they had to clip. But, the bowl lining looked clean, with no signs of inflammation, though there were lots of diverticula, (I am sure, T. will correct me, if I spelled the plural of diverticulum wrong) Please do T! I'm still stoned. So, that was my first 24 hours of quitting. I am think this next 24 hour will be I a little easier. I am so hungry, I could eat that cold dead turkey, I was swinging around last night but, I guess I should cook it first sometime. I seem to remember something about salmonella infection. I don't really have the chops to proof-read and correct this. You'll have to do it yourselves. I did. I manned up and did it, so can you.

Nevermind.

Maybe, it is more prominent there. In any event, I lucked out in getting one, "me feels". I read the post. Thanks again, for your offers of help. It hasn't escaped me, that you are here for me. I am quit today. I'll be nicotine free, within 2 - 3 days.

No, I was not talking about you, when you had that avatar, of yourself naked.

Colonoscopy tomorrow. Goodness. First a bottle of magnesium citrate this morning. This evening, 4 litres (American gallon) of Golytely to be drank over 3 hours. (that's a huge misnomer). Geeze, what a production. And ... the doc's instructions say, I should drink plenty more fluids today, to cleanse the bowel. What am I supposed to do tonight ... sleep on the toilet? At least I get free/legal drugs tomorrow.

I would Trace. But unlike that other person, I know enough to not send that kind of stuff on the internet. :)

Oh Good! I was worried I wouldn't get out of there before someone called the cops. m/

My new quit has started. (Just some tidbits, I have picked up here and there)

Yes, Jenny, Nancy, Trace, Melodie/RF or whomever you are, I have been reading here. What I gather is, the best way to quit smoking, is to do the following. 1) Drive out to a near farm, (sorry, Texas is just too far away). 2) Strip down to a pair of "big girl panties". 3) Hold high, a cold dead turkey with one arm, and a picture of youknowwho's boob, with the other. 4) Look up, and howl in "primal rage" at the moon, "Awwww f*ck it", "Easy Peasy". 5) Then, wait for an epiphany! (I hope I don't get arrested)

No, I am no longer smart, nor tough. Yes, I have walked in the dark side of life. Even revelled in it, during my youth. Trust me. It is nothing one should be proud nor boastful of. For reasons I know not yet, it seems, time to stop running. To stand and turn, and face the devil. That's what I am doing here, with my smoking. If my musings, are unsettling people, please try to disregard them. m/

As the oldest told me once, "Ray Charles can make you just want to weep!"

Well, I'm sure you all guessed, what I did the next morning and am still. But, instead of running and hiding, I sneaked a peek in this thread and saw the quote above. ^^ Well so what, MQ swearing again? Is that news? Just joking. Strangely though, it has been on my mind. I am reminded of my very good PHD Psychologist who, when talking about some people in my life once, when he said, "I give you permission to say the fvck with them all!". Then tonight, I was feeling kinda down, and thought I would watch some uplifting movie, and chose "Good Will Hunting", while again thinking how, towards the end, the character played by Robin Williams (PHD Psychologist), tells his client, played by Matt Damon, (now, I will have to probably paraphrase here, as I haven't finished watching the movie), "fvck them okay?". It does kinda feel like, "It's deja vu, all over again". Then, this week, a Psychiatrist that has been over-seeing the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation I am having done for a couple of months, agreed to be my first Psychiatrist, and he surprised me. I have worked professionally extensively with lots of 'em but, he did something I had never seen a psychiatrist do with a client. And I told him that, and that I thought that it must be his training in England that is different from the Psychiatrist's training in North America. I did say, I worked very closely with one who was English, and had trained there too but, I had never seen he do this though. What was that? He wrote a plan of things he wanted me to do. Not only that, he told me not to do a couple of things, I want to do. It was clear he was doing my thinking for me. He told me that it is obvious that I am having trouble getting my head around some things these days. I talked about this with him, and he just said, "I want you to do these things, and I don't want you to make any major decisions, while you are in this state". In essence, he was taking control for me, and directing me. That surprised me, as I thought, he would just try to shove meds down my throat (and didn't). He said he was trained in "social" Psychiatry, a term we don't have in Canada. You know what? It felt good to have him doing that right now. Surprising really, with me having issues with authority. So, what were the things he wrote in the chart and told me to do? 1) Quit Smoking ... I hadn't even talked with him about it, except to answer yes on a questionnaire question, about tobacco use. 2) Get back to the gym for cardio and resistance/weight training. Stating I will feel better as I become stronger physically again. 3) Continue with bi-weekly counselling sessions, with the Psychologist. (I forgot this one). 4) Get in touch again with a daughter, that I haven't felt like involving myself with during this time lately, (she has been the closest of all the kids, and I didn't want to worry her). This to, just maintain our connection with each other. 5) Pick one of my close friends, and take him for coffee and tell him "everything". I have been refusing all overtures by friends lately cause, I knew they would see I am troubled. 6) Be aware that he will be asking me how I am doing with these, when we have our next appointment. So, boys and girls, what has this to do with y'all in a quit smoking forum? Not much I fear. Just something I felt like sharing I guess. My best!

I may have posted this beauty already, and the song is good too! Bite me, I'm older now and can't remember ... Forget this one. I like the next song more.

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there. You haven't heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said. 'No, sir,' said Mort. 'Famous shipwreck there.' 'Was there?' 'There will be', said Death, 'if I can find the damn place.'

I will not smoke today. Let's hope I have the same resolve, in the morning. Nighty-night!