Susana, I know and have lived every one of your words.
My quit journey started on 01/04/2012 at 2 PM! My first quit was easy and simple and lasted 2 months, at which point I romanced the cigarette. Since that time, I have continuously battled quitting/smoking. I am quit, but I will not ever say I am successful until I have a year without ONE SINGLE PUFF.
Nobody with any type of educated quit can ever go back to the ignorant smoker who happily puffed along, ignoring all the dangers, the warnings, the indications from his/her own body. That smoker who said 'It's just a little habit.'
So, there are those of us who are the slow learners.... We see the rules, we hear the words, we read the posts, but we just don't get it yet. We have not made it through to the other side. I find it quite easy to make it into No Mans Land. I have not found the trick to get through. Perhaps this is the time. It sure is right now. I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
I know this post is going to provide fuel to other people who will misinterpret what I am trying to say.
I am just trying to say, there are others on this board with multiple relapses, too. Keep battling! Find that thing that works for YOU!!!!!!!