If Im completely honest, arriving at this point has been an 11yr process for me.
My first quit attempt was about 11yrs ago. Im not really sure why I wanted to quit back then.......I think I was feeling pressure from family, so I reluctantly jumped on the quit train.
While that turned out not to be my sticky quit.......you cannot undo awareness. I learned some very important things during that 8 month quit that I would need in the future.
Fast forward 8yrs.....thousands and thousands of cigarettes smoked.
One of my best friends, an integral part of a threesome of 'besties' was diagnosed with cancer. (All 3 of us smoked)
First, it was esophageal cancer.....then stomach....soft palate, jaw, tongue.....:(
All 3 in the group were scheduled to become first time grandma's within a month of each other!!!
But Christie wasnt here for the birth of her wee grand baby. :(
She didnt even really get to delight in the pregnancy, in her daughters growing belly......share in the joy of the anticipation of the grandma things we would do.
Why?
Because she was paliative.
She was dying. She could not eat, she was tube fed because she had no stomach and no throat. Her conversation was a mere whisper. In the end, her gorgeous face colapsed in on itself. Im sorry if this is too graphic......this is the truth of what smoking can do to a body.
I had matching grandma bracelets made for Christie, Denise and I.........Christie wasnt even aware of hers because she was pretty much unconscious when I placed it on her wrist. :(
She was buried with her grandma bracelet....without ever having held her first grandchild.
It took 8 more months.
8 months of wondering "Whats my bottom? What has to happen to me before I say ENOUGH?"
With booze and drugs, my bottoms were things like loss of money, loss of self-respect, loss of my car because I didn't know where I had parked it last. Lots of other bottoms that I wont share today.....but all of those bottoms were fixable. I could repair those bottoms.
Nicotine was doing hidden damage to my body.
And by the time the damage was evident, it might be too late.
I might be like Christie.
I might be unable to say...."Wait!! Ok...ok...I quit...I give up.....Take back the cancer, I will never smoke again"
Thats not how cancer works.
Thats not how nicotine addiction works.
My grandbaby was born on Jan 9........
shortly therafter, I saw my Dr and filled a prescription for Champix. And I found support......through the internet, through my family and through my friends.
Today, Im 2 months and some-odd-days free.
And I intend to stay that way......
NOPE