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Jen

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Blog Entries posted by Jen

  1. Today is day two without any slips. I had this realization... My quit date was 1-7-15 I did great, things seemed easy going and I had a boat load of confidence this is going to work and I'm going to do this! 1-8-15 Still not too bad still feeling confident. By closer to evening I caught a glimpse of hubby's cigs sitting on the table. I didn't think at all. I picked it up I took one. I lit it in the kitchen, smoked it, put it out. Put the ash tray back in its hiding place, put the cigs in my hubby's coat. I started to think ugh wth? Like it was a reflex to see it, light it, smoke it!
     
    So I joined this website yesterday. I was having a complete meltdown! Still have NO idea what triggered it exactly. But I had lit a butt I found earlier when I was packing things for moving. About an hour or two later my chest got tight, I had a desire, no a need to hold a cigarette in my fingers! There were none here and I refused to go buy any. I did a google search and found this website. I put in an SOS and BAM multiple replies immediately! I had a good cry, I got some cold water, got awesome advice. I got through it and I had people holding my hand the whole way!
     
    I woke up this morning logged on my computer did the what everyone told me I need to do daily. Got on this website I put in my NOPE pledge for today and I feel terrific! Like this is really something that I can do. If I have any issues or I just feel like I'm going to slip. I slide in my chair and I let someone know.
     
    I was thinking earlier about day two of my original quit. That cigarette that I lit. I remember thinking AFTER I smoked it and put everything away. oops.... I'm not a smoker.. BUT... Going from 30 a day to 1 in 2 days is great!! I'm doing an awesome job. Besides I didn't go buy them. Hubby already had them.
     
    So this morning I was thinking how my mind was trying to trick me into thinking this was true! How dare my brain do such a thing!! So lets put this in perspective... 1 in 2 days that's great! a couple days later its 1 after an argument with hubby, 1 because I didn't think about it, 2 when I have to fight with the kids and their on my last nerve, oh and since I had such a hard day I'm going to have a few beers before bed so I'll smoke 5 with those, smoke 3 with my morning coffee cause I drank the night before and I need a pick me up to get my day started, 1 after lunch, a couple in between that and dinner I mean I did have some with my coffee right? 30 a day cause that 1 I smoked I didn't buy, it was already here...
     
    What a total crock of crap brain! Sit back, Shut up, Enjoy the ride to freedom!!

  2. ugh

    · Jen · 01/13/15 06:27 PM

    Just for reference to read later. It's the patches! I got that feeling again. I'm out of commission for at least 15 20 min. Chest is tight. I took old patch off put new on feel like I'm coming unglued! I'm shaking need water lots of water so thirsty! Carmex my lips went instantly dry just like my v mouth. Feels like they are cracking open. Why does it have to be so hard! I want to stab someone with a fork... dropping my son at school and getting in a good cry. Hope I last that long. Stopping to get water on way home. Breathe I can do this I'm not a smoker I'm not a smoker. Fresh air. Nope not today!!!!

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