leahcaR

yes it is crazy...but they are serious and there is a court date and I see where they charged me incorrectly but didnt take that amount from me anyway.. idk all I know is I have a few days to get them to fix most of this.

heart just melted

...my day started out with knowing I had to go to a damn yearly GYN appointment. I hate those things...and honestly Ive skipped a few years for my dislike of them (which I know is pretty dumb) before that I logged into these lovely places. I felt the need to stick up for a friend and ask for some answers because honestly if I am being duped I'd like to know... I felt attacked a couple times and had friendly conversations with a few. maybe that was a mistake for today because today was super stressful and I knew it was going to be. and that's all I'll say about that stress. But if we start at the beginning at about 7am I had a knock on my door from a sheriff... serving me fu**** papers. my sleepy eyed self had no idea why I would ever be served papers for anything let alone have any kind of law officer at my door... I am not on any radar of breaking laws... as I read through these several papers I see that I have a court date and am being sued for some freaking doctor bills I didnt know about from the last few years?? ok... so add that to the list of junk I have to do with my day off today. EFF... go to doctor...super uncomfortable as always. still thinking about how Im going to have to go ream some billing people or insurance people after this lady gets away from my hoo-haa... but (and without getting into too much detail) she thought something weird with my fun bags and started freaking me out... then acts like shes not worried...then changes her mind again and tells me I have to go to the doctor in a week again...doesn't really tell me anything that would be useful to me... or anything I understood to be honest... so made appointment for that in a week. I am sure nothing is wrong because everything I read says even someone in their upper 20's isn't likely to have any serious problems like that but I do know anything is a possibility. I'm assuming its fine since it was a "go to a doctor in a week" type thing. Anyway...made that appt for a week from today... then spent God only knows how many hours going here and there all across town to figure out why this attorney is sending me papers saying I have a court date and owe over 700 dollars.... no one at hospital/doctor billing area will help because the law office has all of it now ...the most they could do was give me my records that I asked for but no biling information. So I had to then hours later pull up stuff on my insurance website and call them ....(dont know how many phone calls I had to make today) only to find out the doctor/hospital had been coding it all wrong a few years and saying my doctor office visits were emergency room visits! and when I sit there at the office and was paying my deductibles every time I really wasn't... so all this racked up... have no idea why I did not get notified by mail or phone or for crying out loud one of the many times I was in the doctors office... so now I have to call the lawyer person tomorrow and fight about how it was billed incorrectly and their amount is completely wrong and they need to figure it out. I dont know...this is exhausting... and here I thought I was just going to go to that stupid appt at 10 and then have the rest of the day off to myself. yeah right. :rolleyes: I'm pissed.

I love Jeni

Yah. Congrats !! Oh and cool avatar ;)

:)

hehe you're welcome! :)

(((mrs. bakon)))

wow, I am sorry to hear this. I am sure that was hard...but very inspirational to anyone quitting who thinks they cannot get through things without smoking.

is your quit date wrong under your profile picture on your posts? looks like its in the future :)

I would never know how I would react to a situation until I entered the situation. For example... losing my mom. I can only imagine how terrifying that would be to me... I cannot imagine ever reaching for a cigarette for anything even that....And I know smoking would do nothing for me and I would most likely have nothing to do with a cigarette if anything of that magnitude were to happen. maybe extremely hard to resist was the wrong wording... more like I can think of situations where I'd have to have bring myself back to the reality of how smoking does nothing for me...since i can see some situations that can initially cloud your mind due to intense emotional activity. But I do not ever see myself smoking again or any reason that would justify it. :)

w2d1

When I first ventured into doing this quit thing it was my first time and I just wanted to be able to run longer and faster ...and then I wanted to prove a friend wrong that I could last 21 days...which he was 100% sure I would not. At that time in the beginning I could think of several times I would probably start smoking again. ((in fact I remember thinking to myself before I quit that if I ever got in a car wreck I would definitely smoke again)) I remember really hoping everything went smooth for at least 2 months for me while I felt out what quitting was like. within the first few weeks of quitting I wrecked my car....I overdrew my bank acct hundreds of dollars...I scrambled to work 50 hour work weeks to pay back my bank and to get the deductible money on top of that...I found out someone I was in a relationship with for nearly 2 years had been lying to my face for months about using cocaine....I got denied two promotions that I was well qualified for....((which all of this is detailed in my BloggyBlog :))) Now as I said originally it was only to get better at running... and then to prove someone wrong. but as the car thing happened before the 21 days...normally I would have thought this a reason to start again...but I had to prove him wrong...then the bank thing happened...I was not at my 21 days...I still had to prove him wrong... I proved him wrong... all that other stuff started pouring in. People around me (including the person who doubted me) was surprised I had not said "F*** this..." ....several people proactively offered me cigarettes at times I was desperately crawling out of my skin and completely in situations way out of my comfort zone without my cigarettes. But I declined.... I took every second as it came...then the minute...then the hour...then the day... one thing happened...then another... each time I got through it (even though sometimes I got through it cursing, screaming, crying, sleeping, seething) and then the next thing occurred I would think to myself... "well, Rachael, you just got through a car wreck and 24 hours later are not smoking....why the hell would you smoke because you overdrew your account when you could have started right after wrecking your car? What a waste that would have been of that stressful situation..." so I'd just keep on trucking along.... then I'd get to where I found out about the lies from someone who was very important to me and I thought to myself "you got through the car wreck...waiting on getting it back...you got through the huge overdraft...why in f****s sake would you waste all those hard times you pushed through without a cigarette on this fool?" ...so I kept on going... then I'd get to where something felt like it was taken right out from under me and given to someone with way less experience and ability over office politics...twice... and I thought again... "you got through the car...the bank acct...the lies... and you could have smoked through all of that if you wanted but you didn't so if you start because of this promotion crap...that would make absolutely no sense..." and so on..and so forth. Any time I thought I was encountering a situation where I thought it was even a slight possibility I would throw it all away or that it was a reason I would give up my quit for... I would give myself a time out and we would just sit there in silence and I'd make myself try to think of what that cigarette would do to help the situation I was in. ok...so you wrecked your car? what is a cigarette going to do for you Rachael? Is it going to rewind time so that this wreck didn't happen? ...well no... Is it going to fix the car for you? ...obviously not... is it going to make you worry less about how you are going to pay to fix it? ...absolutely not... so then there is no need to have one. end of conversation and I would move on. I have literally had this conversation with myself several times over the last 5 months or so. I never wanted a cigarette in these situations but if I thought for a minute something was going on that had the possibility of me letting my guard down or being vulnerable I would force this internal conversation and that would solidify that none of these circumstances had anything to do with smoking...nor would it assist me in any way, shape or form. before November 1st... Any one of those reasons I would have told you would be reason for me to give up my quit and say screw it. if someone would have told me before the day I quit that I was going to have a wreck after 2 weeks I wouldnt have even tried to quit then. because at that point that was a reason to me to smoke. but now that seems so trivial a reason. all of it does. I'm sure crazier things are in store for me that will test me but I cannot think of any situation that would come up that that internal conversation wouldn't immediately shut down. I can definitely think of times that it could be extremely hard to resist, and may God help me through them...but I can think of none that smoking would ever help me with in any way. And the longer I go without smoking the less I would ever be able to justify to myself that something would be reason enough....I'm not one to throw away things that are beautiful. And, to me, this quit just gets more beautiful everyday.

Yeah I love using a dream dictionary. I have one on my phone. I haven't looked any up lately so I'm disappointed as I've forgot most of the crazy ones I've been having. Guess I can look up the weird one from last night.

Whoever it is keeps losing people

Awww he's 21?? That's cute. I wish I was 21. Happy birthday again Markus! You're awesome.

Damnit. Thought I was walking into a Harry potter thread.

Sarge to the rescue

What is this "rest" you speak of

Welcome to my daily struggle. :)

Still need to finish last couple episodes of season three. Then I'll be in the same boat as mq

Hmmm idk but I'll take the third from my left thanks.

Didn't see the jk right away and was unsure what to say. :)