leahcaR

...I can solve a Rubik's cube. Pretty badass huh?

Surely a wine induced rant chat party for everyone could do us all some good. Wine. Ranting. Sounds lovely.

No smoking. You are far too lovely.

not dinner... but yummy lunch goodness!

I remember, in passing, reading about seasonal changes when you quit being triggers. I kind of laughed about it. What silly people. It's easy to quit... I don't see why a season change should make it any more difficult... ESPECIALLY if you are further into your quit. Silly talk. I'd be completely lying if I said this onslaught of Spring weather didn't bug me in the slightest. I quit in the beginning of November... winter was starting... no way in hell did I want to go outside and smoke on my work breaks in the dead of winter. I mean shit I didn't want to do that all the years I smoked. In some small way I dreaded my work breaks in the winter. Awful stuff. So it was definitely easy and hilarious for me to sit inside and watch my friends go outside bundled up looking like that kid in A Christmas Story every couple hours for months. hahahahaha.... jokes on you...I'm toasty and warm until I get to go home for the day. Then now Spring is here. Ahhhh my FAVORITE SEASON!! not too hot... not too cold. Thunderstorms... mmmmm. Last week I noticed my friends were going outside with no jackets. coming back in and proclaiming how beautiful it is outside. And then I came back to my desk from the back of the building I was sitting in watching the runway from the window. It caught me by surprise when I felt a tinge of jealousy of their ability to go outside with no jacket and do their thing. Now I know that I can very well go outside if I want to. Where I work though outside isn't too friendly to anyone who isn't a smoker. But I could still find something. It was the memory, though, of the years going out with them cigarette in hand standing around bullshitting in the nice spring cool weather. Then of course though they come in smelling like sickness so it quickly wipes away any jealousy until two more hours go by and they go outside again. Then there is the car. which was ALWAYS my strongest trigger. windows down...Spring air coming in...cigarette in hand...music loud. I still have my window down. Still have the music on... it's just feeling different. Which I know it will until some time passes and I "relearn" this amazing season. I kind of mentioned this all to my friend who always quits and starts smoking again...the one who thought I couldnt go 21 days.... and he told me he had been going on a walk outside on his breaks. So I am going to go too next week. Which should really help...and now I can run regularly now that the temp has stabilized. Maybe I just want to be outside since its nice. I know I don't want a cigarette and everyone who has to go outside and have one is living in chains. Cigarettes are nasty. The weather is nice. That's it. They have nothing to do with each other.

I remember, in passing, reading about seasonal changes when you quit being triggers. I kind of laughed about it. What silly people. It's easy to quit... I don't see why a season change should make it any more difficult... ESPECIALLY if you are further into your quit. Silly talk. I'd be completely lying if I said this onslaught of Spring weather didn't bug me in the slightest. I quit in the beginning of November... winter was starting... no way in hell did I want to go outside and smoke on my work breaks in the dead of winter. I mean shit I didn't want to do that all the years I smoked. In some small way I dreaded my work breaks in the winter. Awful stuff. So it was definitely easy and hilarious for me to sit inside and watch my friends go outside bundled up looking like that kid in A Christmas Story every couple hours for months. hahahahaha.... jokes on you...I'm toasty and warm until I get to go home for the day. Then now Spring is here. Ahhhh my FAVORITE SEASON!! not too hot... not too cold. Thunderstorms... mmmmm. Last week I noticed my friends were going outside with no jackets. coming back in and proclaiming how beautiful it is outside. And then I came back to my desk from the back of the building I was sitting in watching the runway from the window. It caught me by surprise when I felt a tinge of jealousy of their ability to go outside with no jacket and do their thing. Now I know that I can very well go outside if I want to. Where I work though outside isn't too friendly to anyone who isn't a smoker. But I could still find something. It was the memory, though, of the years going out with them cigarette in hand standing around bullshitting in the nice spring cool weather. Then of course though they come in smelling like sickness so it quickly wipes away any jealousy until two more hours go by and they go outside again. Then there is the car. which was ALWAYS my strongest trigger. windows down...Spring air coming in...cigarette in hand...music loud. I still have my window down. Still have the music on... it's just feeling different. Which I know it will until some time passes and I "relearn" this amazing season. I kind of mentioned this all to my friend who always quits and starts smoking again...the one who thought I couldnt go 21 days.... and he told me he had been going on a walk outside on his breaks. So I am going to go too next week. Which should really help...and now I can run regularly now that the temp has stabilized. Maybe I just want to be outside since its nice. I know I don't want a cigarette and everyone who has to go outside and have one is living in chains. Cigarettes are nasty. The weather is nice. That's it. They have nothing to do with each other.

Jimmy really is the bestest

Juans thread has the breakdown

why cant I have stripes on my egg?

damnit I missed the exposing

Me too :(

:)

Yes I'm here I'm here thanks everyone. I know it's no party without me.

I don't get why it's strange. It's not a bad label. And sure we all have goals we strive for. I mean crap one day was a goal to me. But the 6 month and 1 year ones are obvious milestones to be nicotine free and I don't see the silly part of having a fun title. Smoking sucks Why not make not smoking even more fun than it is?

Tues- w3d2 Today - w3d3

Sorry guys. I'm good. Just took a break.

was not my intention to scare or worry anyone. Sometimes there is no plan other than to bitch. and at that time I was thinking about cigarettes. I stated in my first post that I probably wasnt going to have one. Almost posted it in off the record and probably should have. I am normally just fine as I have never posted anything with the lines of SOS ever... and have never posted in an SOS forum until today. Next time ill just be more cautious about what I post. sorry to have worried anyone. everyone have a great night.

Amy-- I am very sorry to read this for you. I can only imagine what relapsing would feel like, as I never have before. What I do know is that I have, well I dont know how many chances/choices to buy cigarettes a day. there are many times. even in the beginning. even now. The choice/chance to buy them is always there. The choice/chance of bumming some from numbers of people is always there... all day... every day... A mind made up, though, can always be changed. Always. for a split second earlier I thought I would go and bum from a friend at work... I was fuming. I didn't care about sh** for a minute or two. but I stopped and while I was still pissed off.... I thought about this board... and I decided to vent on here. about what was going on and what I was thinking. it changed my mind... and i decided to just be upset and go for a run later. my point being you said posting wouldnt have made a difference your mind was made up. But you dont know for a fact that it wouldnt have made a difference since you didn't try it. theres no harm in trying it. Promise to next time. I hope you quit again soon.

and now some wine. thanks again everyone

thanks guys. I heart you all

sorry everyone. I got off work and went running immediately. I had too. I was too pissed and its the only thing that helps me expect punching people...which someone suggested...but since it was a work environment I thought better of it. so I just stewed for the last couple hours. I know that cigarettes do nothing... and when I said id just have one I meant I so would have one right then...I know it wouldnt be just one. I didnt really want one ...they were just there and available and I was pissed off. but of course I decided not to and to instead cancel the plans I made after work so I could go for a run. which was amazing. Sorry for late reply...couldn't reply at work could only read the messages you sent me on here. Sorry if you are still up action and thank you all for the replies. I think now I will eat some junk food.

I feel like I would so smoke a cigarette right now. I HATE THESE PEOPLE. And I have to pretend like oh no big deal. Be an ass and it's all good with me. I know it doesn't help anything. I know it would do nothing of beneficial value to this stress. I know I should do that breathing shit. But like I know I shouldn't say this but quitting was easy for me and all I can think is oh I can do it again. How ******* stupid of me. But Jesus I just would smoke one and there's so many people who would gladly give me one right now..so call me stupid or ignorant or whatever you want to. I've never posted one of these I don't even know if this is an SOS as I probably won't smoke I'll just get pissed the **** off and go on about my shit. Sorry but FUCKK.

I imagine you would just be disgusted the entire time darling. or ignore it. you are awesome! are there no other fun areas around the same distance?

thinking of you Ross! (((hugs)))

W3D1