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W5d1

W4d3. 1/4 done with 10 k app

Way to go friend.

Thank you everyone. Happy I made it to six months. Always envied people at six months for some reason.

eh aside from wanting to run better a side effect of "having to clear my throat CONSTANTLY" was a factor in me not wanting to do it anymore. it was embarrassing to me. <3

I kind of understand what you are saying. But not really. I know recently after the doctor news on monday I though "fu** a cigarette...that sounds good" and I watched someone light up....and then I realized there was nothing there for me. It stank. sure...they seemed to be having a good time. But I could see through it....I used to look like I wasnt miserable.. I used to look pleasant and like I was having a good time while smoking. You would have been able to tell nothing else other than I was having a good f***** time. And that is the trick it plays and now I can see through it. Does she look miserable? Did I? Absolutely not. because she is...and I was... telling herself lies while she smokes that cigarette. It offers nothing and we know that. miss it? I don't know that I would say that. If I thought it would help me enjoy or fix anything at all I would pick one up right now. But i know that it would not.

yesterday - w4d2

Bye :( I'm keeping the ice cream truck though. Sadness

Thanks guys

Happy for you action

I wish this wasn't easier said than done: “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ― Benjamin Franklin It's more like this: “Don't worry. Worry is useless. I worried anyway” ― John Green

Well they are worried enough to skip the come back in six month thing and go right to biopsy. Throwing the cancer around like that's a possibility so I'm frightened.

way to go!!! You are so awesome Jen!! :)

Thank you all for the kind words. I appreciate it.

kind of along the lines everyone else says about not smoking for the day. when i decided I was going to quit my uncle told me hadn't smoked in probably 10 or more years. I of course was scared about how hard it might be since Id never tried before. He told me when he quit he decided to say he was postponing his next cigarette... and had been postponing it since I think he I said 1999... so maybe for that 10 years now. I thought it was an interesting way to look at it... since we always have a choice to smoke. he said it got him through the beginning knowing he was postponing it... and he still sees it that way.

So I went back today for that followup... which was fine. But then at the end of the visit they asked if I got the letter for the lab results for the yearly pap crap ...of course i hadn't checked my mail in a couple days so I said no...then I get bombarded with all of this information. It came back abnormal and I have to go back and have some procedure done and a biopsy ...they started throwing weird words around but all I really heard was cancer and I didnt really process everything they were saying as I was not expecting any of this during this visit. They gave me these pamphlets about the procedure and about the lab results and stuff. So I am high anxiety right now. So now I have 2 weeks til I go back and im just feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin. On the verge of tears. Very confused. Sorry if this made anyone uncomfortable. was just updating everyone. And needing to vent a little. Think I'll go cry now.

-12

the only thing that is a crime is blaming something or someone else for a decision you made for yourself

I get it... we all have different circumstances and situations and backgrounds. but one thing we all have in common is wanting to quit smoking. Times get rough. It is easier for some than others. I found it easy. Some find it hard. I found it harder further along. Season changes and shit. No doubt, though, I have been through a lot in my early quit, and many here can attest to that. Or you can read the blog. We are all equally addicted to this substance. So we can all equally quit this substance. Some act as if it is impossible. But it is not. It is all in your mindset. Do you think you can do it? no? well then you cannot quit. you will relapse after relapse. Do you believe you can do it? yes? Well then you shall succeed. There are challenges. They arise. Horrible circumstances. Do you really want to quit? yes? Then the only option is to suck it up. and tread along... minute by minute. That's all there is to it. There is NO difference between you or me or anyone quitting. If you want to do it... you will. And if you want to make excuses to smoke... you will definitely do that. No doubt about it. Get one thing straight, though. Blame no one but yourself for not being able to quit. Blame no one and nothing but yourself. Because that is all there is in the end.

w4d1

omg girl I can so relate... to all of this.

Ugh I get smoking dreams. They are so weird.