sgt.barney

Hardening The F_ck Up in The Mojave Hard to see burried under all that gear, but look just above the black kneepad and you'll see the rolled-up purple Magic Pants. Easy Peasy

The Pants (in "shorts mode" - the legs zip off and convert The Pants into The Shorts) on some random wall at some random crag in Muir Valley Easy Peasy

The Magic Pants at the base of Devil's Tower Climbing Devil's Tower At the Summit of Devil's Tower Easy Peasy

As requested (but off topic - no Magic Pants ... but maybe on topic: Harden The F_ck Up and Jump !) How do y'all like the used 1970's disco-era Jump Suit in stylish peach and navy? And just for grins, here's what that (failed) beard experiment looked like from the ground. Probably no pants on in this pic: Easy Peasy

The Pants at 600 feet, on approach for landing ... Who jumps in clam-diggers / capris? The Sarge does - that's who. Easy Peasy

The Sarge agrees. Here's one with The Lady (without The Magic Pants) And here's The Magic Pants with The Mrs. Sarge gearing up to head down the Sheltowee Trail for a few days of mud, poison ivy, and wild blueberries. Notice, MQ - The Sarge is carrying THREE PACKS to The Mrs. Sarge's ONE. The Main pack on the back. A smaller one on the front (The Sarge believes Mrs. Sarge is digging out a pack of her smokes - she always has one before we head out from a trailhead) and a tiny pack strapped onto the back of the big pack. Just call The Sarge : The Sherpa. Easy Peasy

Nominally, no. The Sarge's is about 50% more actual weight than The Mrs. She, however, is carrying more. As a percentage of body weight, her standard pack is far, far heavier than The Sarge's - and that's what counts so you are, indeed, correct. How do we know this? The pack (and The Magic Pants) at weigh-in: Easy Peasy

The Pants on Harney Peak Easy Peasy

The Magic Pants after doing the Rim-to-Rim hike of The Grand Canyon with Mrs. Sarge ... See that cigarette tucked behind Sarge's ear? Yeah that. He used to be a smoker. Used to. And then he Hardened The F_ck Up! Easy Peasy

Cooking a romantic dinner for two at Yosemite Valley's infamous Camp 4 Easy Peasy

Hiking through Tuolumne Meadows ... Easy Peasy

The Magic Pants @ Inyo Easy Peasy

You are SOOOOOOO RIGHT ! Now The Sarge just has to dye his skin green, expose himself to Gamma Radiation, and gain about 250 pounds of muscle .... Easy Peasy

The Magic Pants wth the Big Trees in Sequoia National Forest Easy Peasy

I know, right? Time for a "Harden The F_ck Up Pedicure" ™ to go with those purple pants. Easy Peasy

Found another - forgot they were condemned to a life of incarceration back in 2008 ... But The Sarge staged a jailbreak and got 'em out of The Pokey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H389yLb87fo Easy Peasy

The Magic Pants started out a nice, outdoorsy camoflaged-ish dark, chocolate brown but over the decades both The Sun and Maytag have taken their toll on the color. They are clearly purple now and may some day soon be pink. If you look at the really worn spots, they're already starting to come out of the closet ;) *** Just remembered another location: The pants are in this pic, too (Summit of Ryan Mountain, California): Due to the lighting and angle of this pic, they look their original brown but they are, indeed, Purple Pants standing on top of the Purple Mountain's Majesty. Easy Peasy

Then again, as the Sarge looks at the photos he wonders silently to himself: Just how hard can a man be in purple pants rolled up to look and wear like Capri Pants? Too late now. Can't switch 'em out. It won't be the same. Easy Peasy

There is only one thing all successful quitters "get" that unsuccessful ones don't. It is this: ever. The "E" in NOPE. Not. One. Puff. Ever. EVER. Easy Peasy

The Sarge says again: The kitchen, not the gym is where you will reap your rewards... But to address the topic at hand: it's rather hard to burn more calories in less time than distance running. If by "best" you mean most efficient, then hands-down, it's running. Easy Peasy

Some day The Amusement Park will close. The Sarge is trying to ride all the rides before closing time. Life is short, y'know? Easy Peasy

10 down, two to go and The Sarge will present you with your well-earned Sergeant Stripes. Time for The Special Dance, Cousin Easy Peasy

The Sarge has a pair of pants. A special pair of hiking/climbing pants. A gift from Mrs. Sarge long ago. The are Sarge's Magic Pants. They have been to Europe. Through mile after mile of the catacombs outside Rome, they've sat on Caesar's seat at the Flavian Ampitheatre (the "Colloseum). They run laps around the Circus Maximus. These pants have been to the bottom of The Grand Canyon, and will soon be to the top of The Grand Teton. They have hiked Tuolomne Meadows, been up and down exposed granite in the Sierra Nevadas. They've climbed formations on the back side of Mt. Rushmore, and sat on the summit Cairn of Devil's Tower. The Sarge almost lost them on the way through the Black Hills last year and slid 40 fet downhill on his ass wearing them (NOTE the recently patched holes in the arse) in The Badlands where he heard these words for the first (and only time) from Mrs. Sarge: "F*ck that! I ain't goin' there ... " when he begged her to follow. . The Magical Pants, these days, (every other weekend) tromp through the Hollows of Red River Gorge and Muir Valley (Kentucky) They have crawled underneath the Canadian side of Niagra Falls. They've been dipped in the waters of The Pacific, The Atlantic, The Gulf of Mexico, The Great Salt Lake, The Mediteranian, each and every one of The Great Lakes (and a metric crap-ton of minor ones too). They've gone canyoneering in Death Valley and spelunking in Mammoth Cave. They flew to Paris for a month of backpacking and came out on the other side of the mountains of Switzerland ... passing by (but sadly not climbing) both The Matterhorn and The Eiger. The Pants took a looooong walk up Vesuvius, a small walk down into the mouth of the beast, and traveled downflow to spend time with the stray dogs and corpses in Pompeii. They've seen Big Trees in California and Big Presidents in South Dakota. The Pants made thousands of stairs up to the domes and cupolas of St. Pete's in Vatican City, The Duomo in Florence, and Notre Dame in Paris. They climbed the stairs to the top of theEiffel (back when you were allowed to) and rode the elevator to the top of This. Most recently, this year they tromped through the Mojave Desert and Colorado Desert and climbed dozens of world-class climbs in Joshua Tree. Hell, these pants have been everywhere with The Sarge since ... well ... 199-something ... ('92? '93? maybe). The Sarge can't even remember where all they've been with him and The Mrs. And through it all - through every mile of hike, every meter of climb, every boring 12-hour plane ride, overnight train through some unknown city, cheapo rental car miles, subways both decrepit and new ... through it all they have carried the advice that The Sarge recommends to everyone to get through life. Here are the pants: And here is the advice: So when you're feeling down, and blue, and whiney, and emotional, and just generally can't handle your quit at the moment, remember what The Sarge's Ass told you to do ... and do it. Harden The F*ck Up! [1] Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] The Sarge first heard that phrase from a visiting Drill Sergeant (not one of his own) stopping by to observe training one day waaaay back in 1987. It has served him well when things get rough.

Thanks. There's not much to do out in cornfield and soybean country, so Sarge piddles around the yard a lot. He laughs at those suburbanites and their 1/4 acre plots who Complain Loudly about the 23 minutes it takes them to mow every week - and oh the trajedy (Trajedy, I tell ya) of the extra 7 minutes with the WeedEater and HedgeTrimmers! There's 9 acres, 2 ponds, an orchard, a vinyard, and the biggest back-yard garden you've ever seen (about 3 acres). He laughs at the inconvenience of having to drag out a lawn mower for 23 minutes a week. Weeding the driveway (it's 1/3 of a mile long) is a job in itself. Yard maintenance is a full-time job 'round The Sarges' Homestead. [1] Thanks for noticing. Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] If this semi-retirement thing doesn't work out, Sarge could always get a job as a GroundsKeeper/Lawnboy somewhere...