sgt.barney

> "Look at me!" Easy Peasy

Sarge was busy hanging visiting family. Sorry - No "proof of life" pics, but here's one from 3 years ago with Fat Sarge[1] and Sisters: (I know, right? How did The Sarge get the Ugly Gene when the others all look so ... normal...[2]) FOOTNOTES: [1] Fat (40-ish pounds heavier than he is today), smoking, unhealthy, couch-potato Sarge from, like, 3 years ago or so ... [2] and good (they look good, don't they?) . Sarge was cursed as the Ugly Sargeling. Easy Peasy

Choose Life ... Sarge can't help it. Any time he sees/hears that he rambles this off in his head: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ******* big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ******* fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ******* junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ******-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin NICOTINE? Easy Peasy

Sarge has been backing off for a year and took the Full Marathons off the table last fall. Too damned punishing. He's proved his point. He has what it takes. [1] Mrs. Sarge (who is still a smoker) is going the other way. She wants to do what they call "an ultra" in the fall - these are races longer than the standard, traditional Marathon. She's eyeballing a couple of 50k races (31-and-change miles) but can't decide which one yet. I know, right? Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] ... well ... "had" now. Past tense.

Sarge doen't run "crazy distances" anymore. Back in 2011, he was doing 60 to 85 miles a week and running a full 26.2 marathon every 3 or 4 months. Had to run every day, and M-W-F had to do "doubles" (run both in the morning AND evening) to get that kind of mileage. Now? Maybe 25 miles a week. Never two days in a row. Most times every third day now ... and the Full Monte (26.2 mile) races are off the table. Half-marathons at 13.1 are it ... and only 2 or 3 of those races a year. This week was a Half Marathon (13.1) plus a 10k (6.2) plus last night's 7-miler for a total of 26-and change and that's the most miles in a week in the last 3 months. It's toned down quite a bit. Sarge found his limit ... and then backed way the hell off 'cause he was too damned injured all the damned time. The two most common causes of this for runners are (of course) excessive running - bruises kidney, bladder, etc. from all the pounding causing leaking like a bruise, except the blood - it's not under the skin to stay trapped and turn purple - it leaks out, and then common kidney stones. Neither of which is normally life-threatening nor serious. BUT (there's always a "but", right?) - blood in urine can be something serious (kidney disease, cancer/tumor/etc) so Sarge has already set up The Doc appointment for next week. He's not sweatin' it for now ... Easy Peasy

Oh - and Sarge learned a new phrase tonight, the hard way[1]: Runner's Hematuria. Off to The Doc for some expensive tests to rule out anything serious ... Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] One never imagines the phrase "Is piss supposed to be pink ... ???" bubbling up from the subconscious while absent-mindedly taking care of business after a run. It's kind of a shocking experience. A brief bit of panic, even ... and the dread of awaiting results from labs and radiology and <whatever>. Not gonna be a fun next few weeks ...

For the second workout in a row, Sarge started out too fast. It's too late in the training season and too close to the next race to be fiddle-farting around with pacing problems. Half-Marathon race in 8 days. Started too fast and couldn't make the entire 15k. Not so much worried about distance - it was "open" on the training schedule. Just concerned with not being able to maintain steady pace for two workouts in a row. 7-miler. Treadmill. 1% incline/grade @ 53:04 (7:35/mile) - that translates to a 1:38-ish Half Marathon ... If Sarge can keep it up the whole distance. If ... If. Race day adrenaline buys ya 3 more miles at pace. Still 3 to go after that to bonk in. Going for a PR - doesn't have to be near that fast, just has to beat the 1:44:10 almost 2 years ago. Hopefully slowing down about 15 seconds a mile will buy the other three and just squeak by for a new PR. Easy Peasy

The Sarge awards you the full complement of Non Smoking Stripes. Welcome aboard the Easy Peasy Army[1], Sergeant ChristaC, Mother of Babs. Easy Peasy FOOTNOTES: [1] It's kinda like the Kiss Army, but with less spandex, no makeup, and fewer cigarettes.

It is an "open day" on The Training Schedule - Sarge gets to run what he wants ... or not at all. He's decided he definitely is running... but can't decide (A) Short and fast 5k or less (2) Long and very slow 15k or more You have until sunset, Eastern Standard Time to make your vote. Your vote counts here, folks. Easy Peasy

At 5+ months you are long past all that. It is only an issue if you let it be an issue. Don't let it be an issue. You are a non-smoker. Easy Peasy

It's why The Sarge quit smoking, started running again, switched to a healthy diet, and lost 36 pounds at the same time. He remembers this conversation with The Doc in mid 2011 : "... somethin' somethin' ... yadda yadda yadda ... IMINENT DEATH from a 'Severe Cardiac Event' within the decade ..." Sarge's cholesterol and fat numbers were off the charts, his glucose/sugar numbers were pre-diabetic, he had Stage II high blood pressure, and smoked like a chimney. Ol' Sarge is quite sure The Doc was right. He had an express ticket to Heart Attack City terminating at The Dirt Nap Depot before the age of 50. Things are better, now, but there is residual risk from a lifetime of abuse ... Easy Peasy

Always look on the Bright Side [1] ... Easy Peasy FOOTNOTES: [1] ... of death ... a just before you draw your terminal breath (second verse)

Aaaaanndddd that didn't happen. By mile 1.8 Sarge was sucking wind and barely able to keep pace with the treadmill. At one point he slowed down to a 10:30 mile for a tenth or two ... Final time: 45:34 (7:20/mile - Not. Even. Close.) Aim high, miss small [1][2] Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] or something like that ... ;) [2] It was still 3 seconds/mile faster than the last one [3] [3] and had a small incline/grade that the last one didn't have (half a percent (0.5%))

What? No shiny black obsidian[1]? Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] from Shawshank Redemption : "That's right. And at the north end of this particular hayfield there's a rock wall, right out of a Robert Frost poem. And somewhere along the base of that wall is a rock that has no business in a Maine hayfeld. It's a piece of volcanic glass ... "

Basement treadmill 10k in t-minus 25 minutes. Training schedule calls for "fast and furious". Gonna go for the first sub 7:00/mile 10k of the year. Probably not gonna make it. The last time the schedule called for fast, Sarge ran 7:23/mile and that kicked his arse thoroughly. Could barely do 7:50/mile at the race two weeks ago. No harm in trying, though. Aim high, they say. Might make it, right? T-minus 22 minutes and counting ... Easy Peasy

Guess what season it is now @ The Sarge Homestead and Produce Department ? Be sure to check the whole album (link above) - It's been a good season so far. The Strawberry total was 95.2 pounds. Was only expecting 50 to 60. Easy Peasy

The QuitTrain running community requests a Race Report, Ava. Easy Peasy

Size is a function of The Kitchen, not The Gym. The Gym only controls several hundred calories a week, if you're lucky. The Kitchen controls tens of thousands of calories a week for most folks. Weight loss is, for The Sarge, about 85/15. 85% focused in The Kitchen and what he eats and 15% or less all the damned running he does (half-marathon (13.1 mile) run yesterday). Easy Peasy

Break every third bone in his body? Easy Peasy

The Sarge prefers Gumby[1]. Easy Peasy FOOTNOTES: [1] The Sarge still hasn't read Alan Carr[2] [2] But plans to RSN [3] [3] Real. Soon. Now ...

You're ready. More than ready. Easy Peasy

The MP3 player has been replaced. Yesterday's 12-miler didn't happen (had to shop for new music, y'know) , but turned into today's Half-Marathon. Slow half marathon with the wife. @ 2:05:21 (9:34/mile) Easy Peasy