JackiMac

Thanks everyone I'm home and it feels really good., Dentalfloss, during my quit I would often test myself, push myself to see how far I could go in a crave without giving in, two weeks before I relapsed possibly even more I found myself not only pushing myself but believing that I could just have one puff and it would hurt me, I could be one of these people who socially smoked, just have a cigarette now and then, surely that would be ok, rather than putting these flames out I couldn't stop thinking about them, I couldn't sleep, before a crave would appear and I would smash it away, saying so long sucker, but not this time, I actually began to want a cigarette again, I actually forgot how bad it tasted, just two weeks in a relapse and my cough is back, my nose is constantly running, I smell, my clothes smell, I deliberately asked a friend who smoked who I knew would say go on try it I told her I was stressed and wanted a cigarette, I didn't SOS and I had stopped commiting to NOPE on a daily basis, I stopped practising what was working for me I thought I was better than the nicotine too soon. That's romancing the cigarette and the crave, as soon as a crave starts either SOS or practise NOPE, read, educate yourself, that's what I am doing from now on..,. Ohh and Beacon I forgot to mention you in my original post thank you so much for your support xxx

DD you wonderful lady congratulations on reaching 8 months so proud of you xxx

It only took a puff, one drag of a cigarette and the nicotine took hold again, I thought It wouldn't effect me, HA, I thought I was stronger than the Nicotine, Ha, 7 months DAMN 7 months lost, for weeks beforehand I was romancing the nicotine, allowing it inside my head, I gave it room to grow, I was tired of the battle, surely I wouldn't have to fight anymore, how wrong I was. One puff was all it took and I relapsed, I let myself down, the look on my partner's face when I told him, the disappointment, the cigarettes didn't taste good, didn't make me feel better, didn't stop the stress I was going through, but still I continued!!! The Addiction had a hold on me again, I tried after the first day, but will power was not enough. My GP was amazing... Champix back on it Jackie, and although the Champix is making me as sick as a pig its a small small price to pay to be smoke free again. Every night I lay in bed I could smell the smoke, it turned my stomach, I could taste the nicotine in my mouth, damn stupid addiction I hate you. Everyone one at work held me and hugged me, I didn't want to post I checked on everyone saw how they were all doing, I had some wonderful support, El Bandito, Marti, Suebedo, Doreensfree, Wiley, I want to really thank you all so very much. I am here today a non smoker, am I any wiser, I certainly hope so, I hope to face this battle with renewed strength, renewed determination, I will recognise the craves for what they are, I will deal and face them as they come, I will not romance the nicotine any more, I am also starting a two week course from Paul McKenna which is intense reading and listening to a CD and hope this only re-enforces what I believe inside, I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SMOKER ANY MORE. I AM A NON SMOKER. Its been a very long long road for the last two weeks and one that I do not wish to repeat ever again. I want to survive, I do not want to die a long slow painful death as a non smoker. I am so proud to walk beside you all on this journey.................xxxxx

NOPE just for today xx

I am Here I am Positve I am a non smoker as of last night at 10.30. I have missed you guys so so much, and I am so very very glad to be back here on board with all you wonderful NUTTERS xxxx

Hi All you wonderful fantastic, caring people, my little haven, on day 3 of Champix and can feel it working, spoke to my GP again yesterday, and talked through what my options could be, as chrysalis suggested a low doseage of champix is good for 7 days then back on the stronger dose my quit date is next Sunday and I am working towards this, I have a story to tell to all you people thinking of relapsing so please watch this space, sit back, popcorn ready and read...................

With heavy heart I need to be honest with everyone, I smoked again last night, I spoke to my Doctor this morning and he has decided to place me back onto a course of Champix, I took my first tablet this morning, as I know from before it can take 7-14 days for the medication to start to work and he has asked me to set a quit date within that period, but hopes it may not take as long due to the fact I have only smoked for 3 days. We spoke about what tipped me over the edge and he thinks he would be a good idea to speak about it! So here goes, my son had a baby boy last year to a very nasty person, my son held him once, I have never seen him or held him or be allowed to love him, as I have so much love in my heart, its his first birthday soon, my father was in hospital in Liverpool, long way from Scotland and on the day of his operation no-one in the hospital could find out where he was or if he was ok, both parents are in their 70's and have a volatile relationship as well, found this hard to deal with, the final nail, I was put in a situation with my best friend regarding my wedding and I didn't deal with it correctly, creating a huge mess which took 3 days to sort out, told a friend I craved a cigarette and they said well light mine, and here I am with a 7 months quit wasted through my own stupidity, with a partner who can hardly look me in the eye xx

Well done Joe what an amazing quit you have xx

Susana well done, you coped with that so well, you kicked ass and you should be very proud of yourself, if it wasn't for this board, we would both be in a very sorry state right now, sometimes we cling to our quits with sweaty fingers and sometimes we kick ass, we need to kick ass more often, treat the addiction with the attitude it deserves, because once it gets its claws back in, its a devil to shake, no more romancing the need, head up and never be afraid to post, I didn't post when I should have because I thought I could handle it, we all need a little help now and again, and its nothing to be ashamed off, getting things out in the open make it more real, the longer we keep it inside our heads the more it will fester and then BOOM that's when the S@@t hits the fan, big hugs on their way to you Susan so proud of you xxx

Fantastic 2 months is amazing well done xx

Awww wow this is brilliant Gem, countdown begins for you, mega celebrations, you have done fabidabilous xx

Susana sorry I had to leave to put my son to bed, where are you, get back here and let me know you are ok, or maybe you are sleeping which is good, sleep is good, clear your mind, happy thoughts, you are in control of this quit do not let it go, you are worth more xx

Focus Susana and breath it through, it will go, play a game on your phone, listen to some music, tidy a cupboard, clean the floor, whatever it takes, get your mind off the crave xx

Susana listen to me and listen good, I just threw away a 7 month quit believe me when I say it is NOT WORTH IT, DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR INNER JUNKIE, stay strong stay focused, talk to us, xxx

Bakon disgusting, Im already feeling lethargic, my throat hurts, my head hurts, my nose is irritated, all within minutes of the first few puffs, my heart has been racing, im back at the starting line and already feel scared of losing the nicotine, although I had a 7 month quit under my belt and had lost the fear the fear is definitely back, the inner addiction is scary and all it took was one small puff it to take hold, its like a hypnotising hold, you know you don't want to go back but that addiction is whispering in your ear again, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE THE ADDICTION ROOM TO GROW or you could throw your life away xx

The junkie is always with us, and I gave him room to breathe, not knowing how fast and lethal his grip on me would become in a matter of seconds, what I take from my fall is to always guard my quit, to remember that however bad the crave is to begin smoking again is really bad, I do not want to be a smoker I want to live my life smoke free, I want to be free from the demon inside but I now understand that underneath the surface he will be lurking. I will get through hell and heck week and understand my addiction better, tomorrow brings a new day, one where I will hold my head high, instead of puffing away furiously, feeling sick and stinking of smoke, the addiction sucks and to carryon smoking would suck the life from me. I must commit to NOPE every day. I'm brushing myself down and telling myself onwards and upwards

Hi Chrys and welcome onboard and thank you for your heartfelt advice in my post, we all have a different story to tell here, and we all support and help each other when needed, QT is a wonderful warm place to be and I am proud to say I am part of it, we have tears, laughter, debates, fun but most of all we all care about each and everyone that comes here. I am so looking forward to being part of your journey xx

Hi and welcome on board, and congratulations on your 1 month quit, stay close to the board, we are here to help you as much or as little as you, addiction is clever and can sneak back in whenever you least expect it, guard your quit and commit to NOPE, I look forward to sharing your journey with you xx

To each and everyone of you who reached out, a million thanks your words were like Carlsberg and reached places that other words would not reach, my shit is still going to be there, but if I keep smoking it will be there with me as a smoker something I don't want to be, addiction sucks, smoking sucks, onwards and upwards my little haven of the internet love you guys xx

Hi everyone, realising just what Freedom means to me came at a price over the last few days, but thanks to some amazing and wonderful people I have come to realise that breaking free of the addiction is possible, it can be done, I romanced the nicotine and I allowed the inner junkie room to grow, something I always told my family of quitters never to do, and yet I danced with nicotine devil myself, never never think that just a few puffs will be okay because the junkie is there in the background waiting, hovering looking for a chance to reel you back in, its so fast, so lethal, that you barely have time to think about what you have done. So cap in hand I've opened to the door to the carriage and I'm back on board, I must make a promise to myself that I will not allow any romancing to be done, I will remember what happens if you allow the junkie room to breath and grow and I am now going to rest my timer.

Title says it all, no excuses, no whys or wherefores.....I caved, not even going into the story of what pushed me over the edge, its irrelevant now, Im going to let you all read my message come back to read your replies then lay low to get my shit together for a few days. X

Hi Wackamole and welcome onboard the quit train, I quit using Champix too, looking forward to sharing your journey xx

Lost my broomstick but still here xx

aww Petra imma not a happy bunny cos I missed chat with you xxx

Thank you so much, love you guys so much, this quit would not have survived without your support xxx