Penguin

NOPE! Today is payday for me, and I'm reminded of how much I used to spend on smokes. I'm so glad I can put that money toward good food, entertainment, and donations instead.

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I appreciate the thought, but I've tried this approach in the past and it backfired spectacularly for me, more than once. I think I'm actually going to have to go back to therapy to reassess my relationship with food. I do intend to eat healthier, but I've found I can't force it the way I was finally able to with cigarettes.

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I think it definitely helps to reframe the way you think about cigarettes. Every time I failed my quit, it was because I thought, "I'm missing out on something smokers get to do." These days, I do have times when I miss certain aspects of smoking, like the measured routine of lighting up, breathing in, exhaling, feeling the tension abate. I don't miss the addiction, nausea, stench, health problems, and worry that came with all of that, though. I don't desire cigarettes. I hate them. I can't stand the smell of them. It irritates me to see people smoke openly and endanger the health of others. I do desire the stress release, tactile feel, and the breathing routine cigarettes provided for me once upon a time. Thankfully, I've found other avenues for those things. One reason gum is often recommended is because it gives you something to "play" with as you roll it around in your mouth, stretch it out, and blow bubbles with it; that's all tactile response that keeps you busy. They recommend coin flipping, card twirling, and toying with straws for the same reason, because it gives your fingers something to do. I'm not sure I agree willpower isn't enough, but I'm also not convinced Joel isn't correct on that point. I do know one of the key differences between this quit and my previous attempts is that I think of cigarettes as unhealthy, nasty, cancer sticks, not a treat I'm missing out on.

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Congratulations! Well done!

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NOPE (forgot this one yesterday, it looks like)

Today I'm 16 months free from smoking! I'm going for a fancy coffee or four to celebrate.

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I know when I was a smoker, anything that reminded me of the ill health effects of my addiction scared me. That fear came out as anger, and I'd often lash out at the people speaking truth to me, regardless of how kind they were about it. Without any further context, I'd say their anger toward you likely isn't personal, but a result of the fear they feel. The most I think any person can do is to remember empathy and do their level best to speak the truth as they understand it in as kindly a way as possible, without sacrificing the truth for the sake of being nice.

I'm having a hard time letting go of my favorite junk foods, which is why I'm sitting next to an enormous bag of Skittles. However, I had the self-control to not put any sodas on my grocery order. I'm sticking as much as I can to tea and water, at least on hand at home. I also bought rice and beans, which I can make in my tiny crockpot as a snack, instead of resorting to overly expensive and fattening potato chips. If I really do want crisps, I can slice up a potato and cook it. Better yet, I can shred the potato and melt some cheese on it. As for exercise, I still don't quite have the space in my apartment for what I want to do, but I've been going on my walks, weather permitting. Once upon a time, I would get winded just trying to walk a tenth of a mile. Now, I can walk the full mile without feeling like I need a break. I still get a bit winded when I talk at length to my friends on voice comms in my gaming group, but I know I'll get stronger as time goes on. Hopefully I'll start making progress again on my spring cleaning, and soon I'll have the space I need for good exercise and mental clarity. I do believe there's something to be said for the idea that a cluttered space indicates a cluttered mind. At least, in my case it's true. I've found that as I clear up my space and keep it clear, my mental strain diminishes. My main issue is I've never been able to maintain consistency due to my executive function disorder.

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