I'm doing OK today. I've ventured out into the house (I really have been hiding in my room since Sunday). I straightened up some things and vacuumed my fave white rug (black cats :/).
I'm going to go out later this afternoon and drive the car without smoking for the first time. Scary...but I'll have my youngest with me and won't be alone.
I called my Dad this morning and told him I hadn't smoked in 4 days. I haven't been advertising this situation. Probably because I didn't want anyone to know if I failed and probably because I don't want everyone and their brother asking me every time they see me/talk to me how it's going. Tomorrow is my weekly girlfriends lunch so I'll tell the other people I'm close to and then it will be out there and not a secret.
I"m still amazed there are so many people here who really follow along with people and ask about them and encourage them. I'm especially grateful to Sazerac who seems to have adopted me and I think I got very lucky she decided to do that.
I really want a cigarette so much today but I'm not going to do it. I don't think I'll ever smoke one again but the desire for that feeling it would give me is so strong right now. I've been doing everything to distract myself but the cravings seem to be constant today. I have made it for four days and have suffered a lot and I"m not going to go backwards and start over but as I start to go about my normal routine, it has become much harder to keep the cravings off my mind than when I was lounging in bed 24/7 with the remote control. I'm really proud of myself and I've done something that seemed impossible to me. Having a place to write these thoughts/issues/accomplishments has been a helpful factor.
