Ladybug

LOL MQ you baffled me as well, since you said : When members join (and at anytime after) they have the option to receive emails from Quit Train. If they want to receive emails from us, we will send out a personal email to each one to check on them and see if there is anything we can to do help. It will also offer some insight on areas that myself, the moderators and Beth can improve the forum. Either you "the owner" write the emails or Beth gets the email address and contact the members, in this case you would share an email address. But, no worries, all good...you guys are doing a great job and will eventually help some people to stay quit.

Sharing an email address with a 3rd party, even though it is a member of the board, is an invasion of privacy. I don't remember the sign-up process, but I don't think there was a button where I could allow or deny my private information to be shared with other members of the board. Maybe I misunderstood and you meant she will contact members via PM and not email, or maybe she is a administrator and I didn't see this either...my bad then! The people coming from my blog will be posting when they are ready. The have different reasons for not posting, very interesting reasons by the way!

It's a forum to control an addiction, I assume the reason why some people don't come back are pretty self-explaining. I am no sure, but I assume relapsing must give you a feeling of not being strong enough to go through with something (really just an assumption). I would feel very annoyed if somebody would ask me for "reasons" and would feel pestered. After all it's online and some people (still) like their privacy. I do know for a fact that some of my blog readers have signed on here but are not sure if they want to participate -yet. I know the reasons and fully understand, they will come forward (or not) if they decide to do so.

well Susana....

You remind me at a friend of mine. She is in an abusive relationship since years and keeps on going. Occasionally he goes too far, she moves out and stays with us or other friends for a few weeks. Then, she is full of plans of her new life alone and she seems to see him as what he is, just a bad guy, not good for her. After a while she sounds differently and she doubts herself "can I really do this all on my own" and it even seems that she misses him for whatever reason. She gets scared of her own courage and somehow he always talks her into coming back...and so she does. Nothing ever changes. The guy is still the same and sooner or later their life goes back to normal, what means the abuse continues. Then, she calls and moves in with us again...like a never ending cycle. I hope that one day she will find the strengths to do what's best for her...so far I doubt it, but still I have hope. Susana my buddy, you are in the same cycle and I do hope that you will find the strengths to break the cycle. You were my hero when I quit, you were always there for me and you inspired me. You kicked me verbally in my behind when I had bad days and I needed that. You were on my side celebrating my small milestones with me. Do you remember? I wanted to be where you were then and now I want you to be where I am. Smoke-free throwing my strengths toward more important things.

I almost wished I wouldn't have snooped at the Quittrain today in the morning, but I did and read about your relapse Susana and you have been on my mind ever since. So are you Amy! I asked myself “is there anything I can do” to make you stop smoking and even though I am not sure, I feel like I have to tell you (all) something and so I will. Listen to me Susana and Amy (all women) just for this one time…listen to my story and decide for yourself. As you all know, I was a longtime smoker…35 years, my whole adult life I smoked and I wasn't one of the guilt stricken ones. No, I was a happy smoker; I enjoyed it, but of course I knew about the damages it could cost. Lung cancer, emphysema, COPD and so much more…we all heard about it over the years and still smoked. Didn’t we? Well , there is more to it than just that, something that hardly gets any awareness. Autoimmune disorders like MS, Celiac disease, Lupus and Rheumatoid arthritis are related to smoking as well. Lots of studies show that, especially in Europe. All of these diseases incurable~! I was always healthy all my life. I had a bad car accident and a few colds and the flue now and then, but nothing dramatic. 3 months into my quit I started to feel different, but didn't really could put my finger on it. My hands and fingers were hurting “oh well, I worked too much and too hard. I need to stop that, I am not a spring chicken anymore" that’s what I thought and so I slowed down –had too, I was hurting. A few weeks later my elbows hurt and then my knees and feet “oh well, I run too much, I need to slow down” that’s what I thought then. It continued for weeks, the pain got worse. It was everywhere, in all my joints…it woke me up at night. I couldn’t go down the stairs as I normally did. No, I had to go one step after another…like an old Lady. It was time to see a doctor, something was wrong and so I did. I was in pain 24/7. Test and more tests, blood work and more blood work. Result: Rheumatoid arthritis, an immune disorder. Bummer! So, my immune system decided to attack my body and my joints and there is no known cure for it -yet. I started to research and didn't like what I found. No known cause, no known cure…Bummer (again). The doctor put me on steroids (something that I never have taken before) and so I took it. Good Lord have mercy! The pain went away but I felt weird, miserable and not myself. Long list of side effects and I didn't like it. I didn't want to take this stuff… but it helped. I researched some more. My husband was scared out of his mind, even though he didn’t talk about it, I could tell in his eyes. He was worried and so was I. I started to research outside the US, went to Europe and Asia for answers and what I found was mind-blowing. Smoking or not smoking is related to auto immune disorder, they just don’t know how and why. A university in Scandinavia had some interesting studies…I wanted to know more and contacted them. They answered and the communication went back and forth. The immune disorders and diseases affects women more than men. Mostly women over 40-50 and mostly ex-smokers. Bummer! It takes 10 years after you quit smoking to be on the "safe side". I had a pity party (well deserved so I decided) and asked myself, if smoking would make all of this go away, should I smoke? What if I would smoke? Would it mask the disease? Would it help? I seriously thought about it and almost cried; I didn't want to smoke anymore…but the “what if” was on my mind. I decided against smoking! There is medication for Rheumatoid arthritis, even though it won’t cure it; it might bring the symptoms to a “halt”. I got all the prescriptions and read the side effects. A long list, longer then my arm (and I have long arms). NO way would I take this, if I don’t have to. More steroids…”Nope, don’t want those either”. I researched more and more. Food was obviously related to these diseases. Movies like “fat, sick and almost dying” were an eye-opener. I got more into it. Menopause, longtime smoker, female…I fit into every category. Bummer! I got lucky and was able to get into contact with a lot of people with auto immune disorders and they all are off the meds and pain and symptom free since years. To achieve that, they gave up a lot, more than just one cigarette. It is a drastic life style change. No more dairy products (my middle name is cheese), no caffeine, no processed food, no sugar, no grains or wheat, no red meat..a long list of stuff that was a “No No”. I juiced vegetables and fruits for 20 days and let me tell you, I was hungry all the time…so it seemed. Surprisingly (or not) all the symptoms, the pain, everything went away (and some weight as well). Food was indeed the answer, not just in my case. I went back for blood work without telling them what I did. The Rheumatoid factor was way down and the rest of my blood work was outstanding….go figure I ate like a rabit dahhhh. I gave them the unfilled prescription back and told them what I did. Of course, they disapproved then, but the tests showed otherwise and still do. I love food and I love to cook, but now food (at least some of it) is my enemy. I am the 3rd month on my “new life style” and I feel great. Energy out of the roof and people asked me if I got a face lift (WTF did I look old before?). I cheated once and had a cheese sandwich…never again! Now I look at food and know that some of it is my enemy. I still enjoy cooking for my husband (why should he suffer) and I actually enjoy it. I am so lucky that I love vegetables, fruits and fish. There are times when I feel so sorry for myself. No dairy product hurts the most. No sweets, no caffeine, no steak or other stuff that I ate all my life…it hurts occasionally. BUT the truth is, I might have done this all to myself. Action and consequences…alright then! My smoking might have been one of the reasons that I have to deal with that crap in the first place. So for 50 years I could have everything I wanted for the next 50 I might have to live differently..oh well. So, Susana and Amy…you don’t want to be in my shoes in a few years (I don’t wish this to my worst enemy). You have it in you all of you! Stop smoking now…you don’t want to pay the price your weakness might cost you one day. Believe me, you don’t…it’s no pick nick. Lucky for me grapes are fruits, and wine is made out of grapes…I don’t react to it at all J I am fine and feel like a Million Dollars, no pain at all, no discomfort in any form and way...and most importantly...NO Medications with side effects like cancer. BUT…a lot of discipline on the food part…giving up smoking was easy compared to that. I know there are worst diseases out there and I feel blessed that I only have to deal with something, that just requires will power and a shitload of discipline. But, I do wish I would have never smoked…at all! And yes, I know, people who never smoked get sick too, but people who smoked will get sick more likely! So with all due respect…go and look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are willing to pay the ultimate price one day and if the cigarette in your hand is worth it. And if you think that's alright…go ahead and continue smoking...and if you don’t …well, stay here and stay quit for Heaven’s sake! What more do you want: The Sarge: told by doctor he would die young Doreen: Almost lost her feet Comrade Simba: Heart attack Ladybug: Auto immune disorder Seriously...think about the rest of your life...NOW

Don't quit When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low and the debts are high And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is strange with its twists and turns, as everyone of us sometimes learns And many a failure comes about. When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow - You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out - The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell just how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.” (St. Jude) Put your head straight and go for it, like you do with many other things. No "ifs" and "buts", no excused just a clear line -like in business. "This is what I want and I will do it; nobody and nothing can stop me". Go for it Susana, don't search longer for loopholes...there are none. Either you smoke or you don't. Relapse is torture buddy, you are too smart to torture yourself over and over. The dark place in your head!

(((Nancy))) Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

LOL DD, I can't believe you still remember. Thank you, good enough (laughing). Isn't he an eye-candy (for women my age). I always told DD that I wanted a picture of George Clooney "naked" for special celebrations lol

Oh Ross, you know I can't resist you my friend :-) I never thought about myself as an addict, but when I quit smoking I have been told I am one, so I had to deal with it. That means to me I needed to educate myself about addiction...and that's what I am still trying to do. The first thing you learn when you research the word "addiction" is that you will always be one. No cure, no healing! It was so easy for me to quit smoking, only a few tough days...but nothing serious (so far). But maybe that will change in 10 years from now. Maybe there will be a situation in my future, when I will have to face the demon out of the blue. Relapse after years ..not unheard of. Giving up an addiction can be so hard on some, I could read about it every day. It showed clearly that people react differently. Lets be honest, there are worst addiction in this world than smoking. Drugs, alcohols and pills that's some serious stuff that can alter the brain. Then there is the addiction to food and obesity is the result of it and its a hell of an addiction, costing us Billions. Every addiction is different and so are we, the people dealing with it. I DO NOT believe in a one-fixes-all solution...it's much more complex than that. I think Easy Peasy is great, because it shows that it is indeed possible to have an easy quit (for some)... BUT there is more to it and we only hit the tip of the iceberg...we should listen! I think this board has a lot to offer...absolutely!

I believe addiction is a complex subject and should be addressed as such. There is no one-fixes-all solution. It was easy for me, but it is obviously hard for others, something that can be seen especially on this board. All the successful quitters, like you Babs, were already non-smokers when they came here from another board. As far as I can see it this board hasn't "produced" a non-smoker yet, but had to deal with a lot of relapses...over and over. Watching this from a distance shows clearly the difference in people, as well as the different approaches. You can't just throw a word like "addict" around without digging deeper....that's at least what I believe and I try to understand. I think it's great that some like me or the Sarge had it "Easy Peasy", but I believe it could be very discouraging to all the people who struggle. Quitting is easy for some; it is hard for others and seems even impossible for a lot of smokers...there are so many faces to addiction. I haven't found the answers yet and can't automatically assume that my quit was the "way to go"...that would be like ignoring the facts. Platitudes and slogans don't help everybody. No worries, I think you all are doing great and "Easy Peasy" is great as well. No hard feelings, I thought this board could help some of my readers.

You are right Babs, we should keep it simple (here) and we should not tell people that fighting an addiction could be hard. No more discussions or questions about the complex subject "addiction". Easy Peasy all the way, no more discouragement!

Perhaps it’s similar to why/how vegetarians no longer eat meat. At first, it’s a willful conversion; next, you just lose your taste for it. And then it becomes rather unappetizing, or downright nauseating. The only reason I have made it this far is because I am sure about my decision. Being a non-smoker is beyond all a question of will power, it's just the way it is! It's a steadiness that I have only felt a few times in my life -a kind of confidence that only comes when it t's arrived. No more battles, just an acceptance!

So proud of you Marti :-)

Still running around trying to preach “Easy Peasy” LOL? Like a horse wearing blinders, so it can’t see left and right. But just because it can’t see it, doesn't mean it isn't there!

I never met my Grandfather, but I heard a lot about him. He died way too young; 3 months before I was born, but he knew about me and he was looking forward to meet me...I met him later. My Grandma told me many stories about him, it felt like I got to meet him after all. Some anecdotes were really humorous and made me laugh; others showed a man of strengths and great wisdom. He was a good husband and a good father; he provided for the family and like so many back then, he had to become a soldier and had to leave home. He fought in WWII, survived and was captured and became a POW (prisoner of war) for a few years, until he was send back home. Like so many, he came back as a changed man to a changed homeland. Everything was destroyed, money was tight or non-existing. The farm was still intact, but there was no livestock left, the fields were overgrown and everything was pretty much in ruins and they had to start re-building. My Grandfather, who never smoked before, came back as a heavy smoker. According to him and others, they started smoking because tobacco was always around; the same could not be said about food. Right from the start food rations got smaller and smaller and the hours in between meals got longer and longer. Rolling cigarettes and smoking was part of dealing with hunger and just a part of being a soldier -back then. He came back home and there was Grandmother waiting for him. She was so glad to have him back but she was not pleased about his smoking habit. Money was tight and needed to be used for other things, tobacco was not in the budget. She pampered him and let him smoke for about two months and then they had "the talk". They were in the barn and she told him “we can’t afford the tobacco you have to quit smoking, we need the money for food and for the farm” and so he did. He stopped smoking the next day and never rolled another one…he just quit, walked away -just like that. By now I researched enough about addictions and addicts to know that they are different kinds of addictions and people react differently to an addictive substance. Some can abuse alcohol, drugs or Nicotine for years and years…and then they just stop, turn around and walk away. Others will try to stop over and over. They fight so hard and they relapse...again and again. They cry and scream; they lie and find excuses to just have just “one more”. I witnessed it, I watched people trying to find loopholes, so that a relapse would sound “logical” at least to them. They fight the fight of a lifetime and they struggle so much. I never understood it. It was so easy for me, what's the big deal? But...why was so easy for me? I tried to find an explanation and I thought about my Grandfather. I think addiction is a very complex subject and we don't know enough about it -yet. We just hit the tip of the iceberg, but there is so much more hidden underneath. Was I lucky and could walk away just the same way my Grandfather did, because I inherited his strengths? Is the way I reacted in my genes, in my roots? An inherited behavior pattern? I know one thing for sure, I can't go around telling people that is is easy, just because it was fairly easy for me. We are all different and we all have different fights. Well, maybe I should just say "Thanks Grandpa"!

Oh MQ, I am glad you could spend time with your Grandfather and how wonderful that you still have the picture hanging in eyesight. I think about my Grandmother almost every day, it's like she is still around me giving me guidance -or shaking her head. I never met my Grandfather, but I got to know him through her and some of her stories about him will be with me forever. Actually I made a blog post about my Grandfather last week and called it "My Grandfather the addict". You know what,I am going to post it here -for you. It is a post about my Grandfather and my 2 cents worth of addiction. Not sure if you will approve, but ...oh well :-) PS. Comparing Germany to Austria is like telling Sue that she is English lol http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2393-my-grandfather-the-addict/

Just for Ross, because we emailed back and forth so much and he always complained he missed my posts :-) (((Action)))

I am a "mountain girl" and I know a thing or two about hiking. I was born in a small village in the Alps, directly on the boarder between Italy and Austria, hiking was mandatory -not optional. There was an old joke going around about babies being born with hiking boots, skies and a backpack and I assume its still being told until this day. Not so far off the truth, I have been told I could ski before I actually walked. Sometimes tourists came to town and stayed for a while in houses like ours. They paid for "room and board" and were treated like King and Queens. Some of us were "hired" for guidance and it was serious business. We all knew the way through the forest and through the mountains; we knew what to show them and where to go to. All of us were able to guide them, however the hiking part was something they had to do on their own -very often for our entertainment (if I may say so). At first I was just the assistant, but then I got my first group alone when I was 15 and I was filled with pride. I planed the tour for days; I knew in which cabin we would eat, where we would rest and I packed my backpack with care. I knew from others that I could run into problems with the tourist-folks. A first-aid kit was needed, because some of them would get blisters as big as tennis balls, just because they went hiking with brand new fancy boots (really?) Some emergency food, flashlights, flares and some other "stuff" and I was ready. I got up at the crack of dawn and collected my tourists and off we went. I showed them the mountain in the distance, the one we would all climb and I got a mixed reactions. Some were excited and couldn't wait to be up there and some felt overwhelmed and started doubting themselves just by looking at it. It only took one or two hours depending on traffic (hayrides and tractor pick-ups) and we reached our destiny and could start our real hiking tour. The beginning is always the hardest, especially when it starts with a steep rise right away. I could hear them huffing and puffing and some wanted to turn around right from the start -like that was an option. It got better after a few hours, we left the treeline behind us and hiked in a steady pace, surrounded by beautiful vegetation and animals. There wasn't much complaining anymore, they pointed out the different views and enjoyed the tour. We took some breaks, drunk fresh cow milk and ate the apples and butter-sandwiches that we had packed. Even the shortest break somehow recharged the "complaint-department" and some of them started whining again. They wanted to "turn around" and just go back, they were complaining that their bones were hurting and that the tour was just too much, much more then they expected it to be. They really didn't have a choice, turning around was only a option in emergencies and they knew it. Some people are just born complainers, they will find a "hair in the soup" before the soup is even served. They expected shortcuts, more breaks and they were wishing for a cable lift and an easy transport right to the top. Of course that didn't happen. I was a tough girl, cracked the verbal whip (or played just dumb) and we continued our hiking tour. A few hours later we made it to the top and were rewarded with a breathtaking view. Some just sat there quietly and took it all in, others made a big fuzz out of it. But we all were proud that we made it to the top. Now everybody was just in "awe" and even the one who complained the most, were finally quiet and just filled with pride and joy. Numerous pictures were taken, later on the evidence when they would talk about their hiking tour back home. I often read "I just stopped smoking...please pray for me" and I never really knew what to say, until today when I found this quote. "There are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is courage to climb them." Isn't the road to freedom of an addiction like a hiking tour in the mountains? You don't need prayers, you need courage and strengths. Start hiking and don't look at it as being a difficulty, look at it as being the road to success. Hike without looking back and without complaints, look forward and think about how you will feel when you reach the top. No shortcuts, no help from a cable lift...just you and your addiction. Take it all in and look forward! Guidance is available at places like www.quittrain.com -you don't have to "hike" alone, other ex-smokers will be on your side. It's similar to the AA meetings just online and it feels so good to talk to people who understand how you feel, because they all have started there on the foot of the mountain ones. In the future when I will read "I stopped smoking, please pray for me" a link to this post will be my answer :-)

Nothing set in stone just yet. Some tests were done and they confirmed that I am "out-of-whack" as expected, but nothing dramatic until I decide otherwise :-)

No, one arrived yesterday and he couldn't be any happier. If he gets another one he might consider you his "Irish girlfriend" :-)

the card was send to my hubby, you might want to ask him :-)

...I mentioned the quittrain in my blog and already got a few emails with questions about the "train". I might have to do another post spilling all the secrets about you guys:-). This is what I posted and I hope it will bring lots of traffic over time~! What lies beneath... …or should I say a world out of balance? I am almost shocked, how can this not be known? Why haven’t I heard about it? Was I living under a rock for the last 20 years? Maybe I just didn't want to hear any more bad news and didn't pay attention? Yes, this must be it. But, if it was just me trying to ignore more facts about my past smoking habit, why is it hardly mentioned anywhere? Smokers wake up!!!! There is more that you might have to deal with one day besides the known threat of cancers, heart diseases or emphysema. The information is out there and so easy to find. Tobacco and Nicotine is related to autoimmune diseases (that is a proven fact) but still we don’t talk about it –not even on webpages trying to help smokers to quit. How can this be? How can we ignore the facts? Maybe I am just furious, because I might have to deal with an autoimmune disease and it only matters when it hits home? But the numbers show clearly it’s not just me, there are many of us and sadly, many more to come. Many more ex-smokers who might be affected! Autoimmune diseases* affect up to 50 Million American (source AARDA) and yet a lot of us can’t even name one disease name when asked. We heard about it, but, as long as we are not affected, we push it to the side and don’t pay too much attention. Diseases like: Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Type 1 diabetes, Rheumatoid arthritis (RA), Celiac disease (Gluten intolerance) and many more….too many to list. Let me share some facts and numbers with all of you –it made my head spin, let me make your head spin as well: Autoimmune diseases are the eighth leading cause of death among women, shortening the average patient’s lifespan by fifteen years. While one in 69 women below the age of fifty will be diagnosed with breast cancer, as many as one in nine women of childbearing years will be diagnosed with an autoimmune illness, which strike three times as many women as men — and most often strike patients in their prime. What causes autoimmune diseases remains a mystery, but researchers may have found a big piece of the puzzle: Studies show that smoking not only worsens autoimmune disease symptoms, but it also may pay a role in causing them. It can also be concluded that both the duration of tobacco consumption and the number of cigarettes smoked daily influence the risk of developing an autoimmune disease. However, the length of time over which cigarettes were consumed is clearly more significant; the risk of becoming ill increases markedly after 20 years. Cigarette smoking is one of the major environmental factors suggested to play a crucial role in the development of several diseases. Disorders affecting the great portion of the population, such as atherosclerosis, lung cancer or cardiovascular diseases, are highly associated with tobacco consumption. More recently, it has been reported that smoking is involved in the pathogenesis of certain autoimmune diseases such as RA, systemic lupus erythematosus, systemic sclerosis, multiple sclerosis and Celiac disease. Until a few years ago, a coherent explanation of how smoking triggers the break in immunotolerance and why tobacco smoke promotes the onset of autoimmune disease was still missing. A group of Swedish researchers has found one of the missing links in the pathogenic chain between tobacco smoke and rheumatoid arthritis (Makrygiannakis et al., 2008). The scientists from the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm showed that cigarette smoke is directly involved in the development of rheumatoid arthritis. Cigarette smoking over a sufficiently long time and at a sufficient intensity clearly leads to enduring immunomodulation. After the patients quit smoking, it still takes several years for these long-lived cells to be cleared from the body. This is in agreement with the observation that the risk of getting RA for former smokers only decreases noticeably after about ten years of abstinence. I could go on and on…the information is right there, so easy to find! Quit smoking…and quit now! You don’t want to be in my shoes in 10 or 20 years!!! Remember…I was one of you just a while back -I smoked for 35 years. A lot of my readers and blogging friends are younger than me and I know how you feel, I can almost hear you “this doesn't effect me” or “there is still time to quit later on” are thoughts I had as well. Well, guess what! The way it looks like it did effect me and now I have to fight “something” that I could have avoided, if I would have quit earlier. “Could have”,“should have”…won’t help me right now, I am going to fight this anyway**…but it might help you! So go and get more information. Sign up at a quit smoking forum like the >>>quittrain<<< talk to your doctor, but for Heaven’s sake…QUIT SMOKING!!! *An autoimmune disease develops when your immune system, which defends your body against disease, decides your healthy cells are foreign. As a result, your immune system attacks healthy body cells. Depending on the type, an autoimmune disease can affect one or many different types of body tissue. It can also cause abnormal organ growth and changes in organ function. **Update: Started my fastening program and like it. My new best friend “the juicer”and I are having fun :-). Almond milk tastes good and is acceptable…but sucks in coffee :-)

Oh my Gosh Sue....a postcard from Ireland, my "wanna-be-paddy" is so happy, he is going to show it tomorrow to everybody :-) Thank you! (I can't send or receive PM's, that's why I have to put it here) You made him so happy! :-)

I am just glad to read that you will be OK. How is Aine holding up?