Brioski

Remember when remember when I lost my mind When you least expect it..

4. Wrap presents

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Thank you friends I just got home from the ER bc I literally couldn’t breathe before, my oxygen was 87, 88, 85, 90, etc. so I rushed over. Long story short they said it was asthma exasperated by anxiety. The gave me oxygen but it actually made the levels go down….once I took the o2 off my oxygen numbers went up. I know, weird weird weird. I tried getting an explanation outa them but they said to see a pulmonologist, they couldn’t tell me any reasoning (I wanted to say great then don’t send me a bill). I’m scared this pulmonary dr will tell me I have copd or emphysema. I’m 38. Blegh. Shitty night. Yesterday I went w my best friend to her chemo (she’s 32 and has stage four gastric cancer….literally the healthiest person you’d ever meet, diagnosed in November, her dad just passed in oct, the had misdiagnosed it as herd….crazy), anyway and spending the whole day w her was great, no shortness of breath, no anxiety. And now today the day after, mad anxiety.

I’m so sorry to keep going back and forth - seemingly ok, positive outlook, motivated, and other times feeling down, crying, anxiety ridden. I had another day of some shortness of breath, lower oxygen, which in turn I think caused me to have 2 anxiety attacks. For the first time ever I kind of understand why some ppl like self harm….I will never do this and I’ve never done this, but in my mind, I feel/felt so so discouraged that I was like wow, I maybe understand why ppl go to that sort of thing. My hubs is so so supportive literally all the time and today he hesitantly said idk, what if u go back and just try to taper down, I know that’s not the right answer but, etc. and I agreed, i know that’s not the right answer. But wtf. How long do I endure this shit? I feel so sad. Maybe I’m depressed too idk. I have an appt with a psychologist for the first time ever. Maybe I need to work through some shit.

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The very best of luck to you, toc! I’m a newbie and trying my best to ride this train! The brain/psychological part of this whole thing is what gets me the most, how we have to fight our own brain for what’s right. I don’t want to be a slave to this piece of paper and leaves. I saw first hand what it did to my amazing daddy, my uncle….I want to break the chain. Sure the thoughts come of “wouldn’t it be nice” but I breathe and breathe until I blow ‘em down - one hr, min, or sec at a time. Ok who’s making me talk like this? Lol I sound like a non smoker

Wow!!! Amazing, @Gus!!!! Way to go, very proud and envious!!

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Boy oh boy is this tough. Crying, sobbing. It’s like a rollercoaster going up and down with emotions. Had some shortness of breath again today when it had gotten better days ago. Had a panic attack earlier. Three or four cry sessions. I miss it. And I don’t. I just want things to be better.

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Wtg, @darcy!! I’m proud of you! Following in your footsteps….

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-19 clench it, sistas!

I appreciate so much what I’m learning from you all and for the interactions and laughs

Hi @Kate18! Your post made me laugh and gave me hope. While I haven’t had a day that I haven’t thought about smoking, years ago while me and hubby watched men in black I had a thought of wow, wouldn’t this thing be a lifesaver, literally, in helping a smoker become a nonsmoker (ideally me and my dad who was a heavy smoker, he passed in dec 2021 and miss him dearly…he was the kindest and best man, and daddy, ever). I hope and am looking forward to a day when remembering I smoked, or a cig itself for that matter, is a fleeting thought.

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