Hi @MLMR. I am so sorry that you are struggling. We get it. It sucks.
Keep in mind that withdrawal exaggerates a lot of things… it distorts your experience of misery… makes it seem like everything is awful and you will never be whole or content without smoking. That’s the addiction having a tantrum. It’s not an accurate view of the world or your destiny. It’s FEAR - false evidence appearing real.
Please do not give in to the despair. You do not need smoking to complete you. In fact, smoking will make the wretched feelings worse. The agony of withdrawal passes if you can endure it for long enough. It does not last forever, I promise. Good things await you on the other side if you can make it through the first wacko phase of quitting.
Keep writing out your feelings here. Interacting on this forum can keep you grounded and enforce the assurance that you aren’t alone. Get mad, shout, cuss, cry, whatever… just keep smoking off the table!