DenaliBlues

Didn't go swimmingly.

Agreed with @Linda... I appreciate your sharing this, Jillar. Bumping these older posts and blogs helps me learn more about what the quitting journey is like, about the perils that lurk in the bushes along the way. How many sinus infections and bouts of bronchitis did I smoke through? So many. Your story is real. It's motivating. It also helps me, as a newcomer, get to know you a little better. I'm very grateful you are here.

Personally, my weeks were: 1. Hell Week (White hot raging withdrawal.) 2. Wailing Week (Shock wore off. A deep sense of loss and longing set in.) 3. WTF Week (Jillar totally nailed that one. What now? Will this ever get easier? What has gone wrong with my brain? Why has my IQ dribbled out the bottom of my shoes? How long have I been staring vacantly into space? Will I ever poop normally again?) 4. So-Bored-With-My-Coping-Mechanisms Week (This could also have been named “Terribly Tired of Prunes Week,” but perhaps nuff said on that topic.) I haven’t finished week 5 yet, so I don’t know what it’s called for me. It is certainly a time when my triggers are being tripped and my quit is really being tested. I’m able to laugh more, though I might be disconsolate the very next minute. I definitely have toddler moments. And sullen teenager moments. And feeling absolutely ancient moments. It’s humbling to feel this unmoored. I must say this forum has been super helpful and grounding throughout the whole adventure. Who knew I had people? But apparently now I have people. Such a nice discovery.

Hi @Kate18. Thanks for sharing what’s going on with you. Apart from the symptoms you are having, it sounds really tough to be worried about what they might mean. Good for you for guarding your quit while you go through that uncertainty. That’s motivating for me. Enjoy your cider, too! Reading your post makes me realize that I have struggled a lot with self-soothing. Hard to say whether that was one of the reasons I started smoking in the first place, or whether my trouble self-soothing was actually a byproduct of the smoking, itself. (Because even >1 pack a day was not "enough." The nicotine crowded out everything else, even though "ahhh" was just a crappy disappointing illusion that always slipped away.) It will be interesting to see if quitting eventually changes that for me? Maybe when I hit the 2+ year mark like you I will know more! Anyway, take good care and keep us posted.

Rather, try eloping.

Me, too, @JudiMD - I hit my month anniversary on March 10 also. So impressed that you've made it after 64 years! Hope you are healing okay from your surgery.

Hi, @Sunshine. We can do this!

Gigantic yetis! Yikes!

Yodeling causes deafness.

That's great, @Kdad!

Doh - just realized I got so excited that I skipped like 500 numbers! I can actually count. Well, mostly. Let's try this again...

Me too @Boo. This addiction gave me selective hearing... and selective caring. I know the risks, I know the science, it just didn't motivate me, figured everybody has to go one way or another. Part of what started to melt that ice was thinking about what my health problems would do to others. I lost my father after a very long illness (unrelated to smoking, but very sad) and the toll it took on my family was terrible. Do I want my partner to have to go through that heartbreak? Leave her wiped out financially and emotionally? And incur the anger and resentments of it being preventable? NOPE. I am grudgingly coming to accept that smoking is not a purely personal choice. It ultimately affects people around me, people I care about. It's a hard mindset to change after so many decades. I'm really sorry about your friend, Boo. But thanks for sharing this story.

Y'know when you put your sweatpants thru the dryer then the waist drawstring comes out and you have to figure out how the heck to push the string back in through that fiendishly small hole? 3. That

Thanks, everyone! Yep, the first month of my quit went surprisingly quickly. Except for those interminable crazy craving moments that lasted forever… but I’m trying not to dwell on those today. Your support, stories and general company are making this Very Hard Thing easier. Quitting is serious business, but your humor helps, too. (Warning to other newcomers: Explore the games lounge at your own risk, and only when you are alone. I simultaneously startled my mate, scattered the cats and snorted soda outa my nose having a LOL moment the other night.) Anyway, thanks to all for saving me a seat on the Train and lending me a hand to climb on board.

@Kdad, in those first days of my quit, I could not conceive of a day or a week - let alone a life - of not smoking. I had to break it down. My only job was to make it through the next 5 minutes. Then I started again, with the next 5 minutes. All damn day! That - plus doing some truly bonkers things to distract myself and stay busy - got me through. To my utter astonishment, I was alive at the end of that first day, and I hadn't smoked. I thought my head was going to explode, I thought my insides would fly apart, I thought my legs wouldn't stop shaking, I thought the craving would drive me insane. None of that happened. I made it through. I did not smoke that day. Or the next. Or the next. 29 days into my quit, I feel sort of halfway human again. We know what this is like, how hard it is. We also know it's possible. We're here for you.

Wow, @Boo six years! You're showing me that it's not just theoretically possible to quit... it's ACTUALLY possible to quit, and to get happier and more whole as a result. That gives me hope, and helps me trust in the messy process. Congrats and thanks!

Might be fun to make little tiny paper sailboats and use a blow dryer to... 9. Propel them gaily across the water in a kiddie pool.

Way to go with week #1 @JustinHoot99! Sounds like you are building a lot of "quit muscles" alongside your other muscles... every crave conquered is another rep. For me, milestones don't seem to trigger cravings, but as time passes the craves are packing a harder punch. Perhaps my addiction is going through its death throes - there's a nice thought. I'm on day 26, just 2 days away from the 4 week/month mark. And today its as if the addicted part of my brain knows that the little annoying garden-variety-wanna-smoke itches it's been trying have not gotten it a fix, so now it's having a furious tantrum and hurling major craves at me instead. But NOPE. Another recovery program I once participated in has a mantra: "First it gets better, then it gets worse, THEN it gets different." Gonna ride this train to Different!