It took a long time before I could put myself in my partner's shoes. I couldn't see it until I started to come into reckoning with my own addiction.
Every person and every quit is unique, but for me it is a two-part process. The first is abstinence: stopping the act of smoking, getting thru withdrawal, managing the cravings. Appropriately, the Quit Train puts a lot of emphasis on that phase because it's where so many of us get stuck and screw up. But after that, there is a whole second phase for me, recovery: healing from the damage that my addiction caused to my body, my mind, my relationship, etc. After 4+ decades of smoking, there is a lot to repair. Becoming accountable for the impact of my smoking on my spouse is one part of that healing.
For what it's worth, I've worn the shoe from the other foot, too. I have been the partner of a person with an addiction to drugs and alcohol, the partner of someone whose using hurt me a lot. During that time, I had to constantly remind myself that the only person I can control is myself. I had to focus on the positive. I had to learn that resentments are like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to drop dead... a self-sabotaging waste of energy that changes nothing whatsoever about the addict's behavior.
The way you are focusing on your very own quit is really smart @Genecanuck. You're nearly at the two week mark, and every day free from smoking is a beautiful thing to feel proud of!
