DenaliBlues

rank and file

break dance

Hi @KristyC. How's it going off the lozenges?

A good set of questions to reflect on @Cbdave. I smoked my first cigarette when I was 8 years old - a mere child. I remember it vividly. It was wintertime and -20 F below zero. I stood outside in the snow, behind the wood pile, my hands shivering while I was trying to light a match. My fingertips went numb. I puked afterwards. I saw stars and my head hurt. But I went back for more, like we all did. I was hooked by the time I was 13 and was up to a pack per day by the time I was 17 or 18. Why did I start? It's so complicated. In part I was rebelling against a mother who hated smoking and mirroring an often-absent father who loved smoking. But on a deeper level, I think I was mostly trying to numb out trauma and avoid feelings I didn't otherwise know how to cope with. For me, smoking was not about peer pressure from other kids. It was internal. Unconsciously, I think I was trying to scorch out tough feelings, to escape, and to fast forward to adulthood. My brain was too young to appreciate the consequences of my actions, but it certainly did like the dopamine hit. So of course I got addicted. Smoking eventually became a strong part of my identity, as a rugged individualistic "outsider." That made it even tougher to quit. Because there were chemical and psychological factors all tangled up together. I absolutely could not afford to smoke. There were plenty of times that I had to ration how many packs I would buy in order to make rent or have enough food. But you know addicts, we'll always find a way to maintain our habit. In some ways I think that quitting can call us into a kind of reckoning with our inner selves as well as our outer behaviors. Why are we drawn to smoking? What do we think we're getting out of it? What stories do we tell ourselves about it, and how does that compare to the reality? Achieving abstinence from nicotine is certainly a big milestone. But I think one of the reasons my earlier quits didn't stick was because I stopped with just abstinence. I never was willing to attempt a deeper RECOVERY. I didn't examine the injuries I incurred from smoking (physical, mental, spiritual), or work to understand addiction, or become accountable for the ways that my smoking hurt others, etc. I'm working on all of those things this time. It fundamentally alters how I experience the desire to smoke. And that change is part of how I know that I have finally found my forever quit, here on the Quit Train.

Lousy litigator lost lawsuit.

cop

TickTock

sweep clean

okra

Croup

Bottle

Quit my job

Roti

Kodiak Brown Bear

lap cat

Indeed, it is. Never thought that would apply to me. But lo and behold, it does! If anyone is out there lurking and doubting and feeling discouraged, take heart. YOUR very own quit awaits!

NOPE

Welcome aboard @JustKay!

How are things going, @lookmawatchmecrash?

NOPE

Welcome aboard. Glad you found us!

Hi @KristyC. Welcome to the Quit Train. Congrats on finally breaking free of nicotine! Withdrawal can be bumpy, but such sweet freedom awaits on the other side. Saddle up and take advantage of all the assets this site has to offer. Keep us posted on how things go!

How fantastic @Kdad. This is HUGE! Lido deck, here he comes!

Yes, USA law also provides free screenings for high-risk groups. (Former heavy smokers over age 50.) Advocacy efforts are underway to expand eligibility and make the process easier for others. Agree that the scan is a breeze - I’m in and out in ~20 min. Had a former teacher die of lung cancer recently, it’s a particularly tough way to go. Early detection saves lives - get screened!