Evelyn

It's years-therapy, but I'm growing now Bandit

I've rarely been angry, I'm in the proces of working through my memories with my T, so YES sometimes I get overwhelmed. Are you such an asswhole to Natalie too?

Welcome this is a great community to find support!

Focus on healing Nat!

Welcome

Morning QT: And NOPE, for today

I usually don't get angry. So its good I said that last night. However I'm in a period where the genie comes outta bottle so putting it away won't work. It's just not that simple. But if it bothers other people I won't post it no matter I'm in progress or not. I thought it was okay but apparently there's a time limit on processing your trauma's

Very understanding bakon as always

Yea sometimes you need to kick the past in the balls!

... to walk downstairs for that bloody cigarette. I hate the smell, I don't enjoy smoking but I feel so scared and awful, it would be so easy to forget all the process I made and throw my quit away. I won't. I'll cry, I'll post but I'll NOPE! I just want to feel SAFE again. It's 5 30 PM can hardly go to bed already. I WILL NOT SMOKE ONE PUFF. But it would be lovely if I'd just be able to sit in my living room without flashbacks and panick-attack! I'm SOOO pissed. And I dunno whom I'm angry at, ow yeah I do at the person that conceived me, used me and makes me feel I'm bad! Go to hell NOW and let me be free! That said.

I've read some stuff in the New Testament of the Bible and there's always the promise of Jesus forgiving you when you are sorry after a wrong step: last few days I read Jesaja and like often in the OT God punishes whole tribes and countries including Israël. Not once... but one after the other! I'm clearly not ready to read a lot in the OT because I seem to forget I'm Saved and instead I start feeling guilty and scared, like I did as a child. Is it the same God - Yes and Jesaja speaks prophesies about Jesus coming but I got stuck in the past, litterally the OT and my OLD life! I'm a non smoker, forgiven for smoking - I'm not one of those tribes in Jesaja. I have received New Life, through Jesus. And I know many struggle with the OT when you don't separate what you read from your life; you end up feeling guilty for everything. I've decided to skip the OT for a while and focus on the NT. I smoked and 10 years I caught myself in a vicious cyclus still I got a chance and I took it. A new Life. I'm focusing on being smokefree, participate in church and 'glow' as a Christian outside church. But all of this came from mercy. Last time when I smoked, something touched my heart when I prayed to kick off from nicotine and cigs. Mercy. And most of all the answered prayer of taking away this destructive and lying fact I needed nicotine to succeed. I grew the past months. I realize NOW that when I quit with a patch on, I never felt like I quit so why not smoke because I wanted to do it cold turkey. 10 freakin' years this game wend on and on. It became habit, a distraction to avoid feelings I was so 'busy quitting'! Now not a cloud in the sky. I call that mercy... did I have internal conversation the first 48 hours - yes but I did not gave in. Somehow I had the faith! My apologies to those who aren't that into religion or Christian faith. I felt I needed to share this blog post.

Not one single cig will be worth choking for and when you realize that and you stick with NOPE, no reason to lick a window or romanticism when you're close to someone smoking a cigarette...

You're doing great!

CONGRATULATIONS BIG TIME!

It's spring already, the blossoms are coming on the tree in front of my house... nature's weird!

Morning! The year is really kicking off now, Christmas trees gone till upcoming december, no more champagne and daily smoke free life goes on! So here's my NOPE. Have great smoke-free day!

Welcome, good job on quitting again. Can you find a substitute for smoking when you drive? Instead of buying a pack, buy a coffee! For me coffee is a real substitute and I need to be carefull not to drink too much coffee! Or have a bottle of water in your car / truck and takes little zips Taking juice the first 3 days can be helpfull against the withdrawals but you're quit 3 days so you should be fine physically! WELCOME and stick to NOPE NOT ONE PUFF EVER (or for today)

And better!

I once spend 5 days begging other visitors of a christian conference center for cigarettes. My intention was to quit but I felt horrible due withdrawals and there was no way of buying a pack on the park itsself

The lights of my christmas tree died and so I decided to wreck the tree and put it all away til next year

Congratulations!

Morning Quit Train, it's a NOPE from me