susan

LET'S KICK SOME BUTT

Ahhh, thank you so much for that, I really need to hear that I will survive, a lot, in order for me to have some hope, my husband is also very supportive of me, I am so happy to hear that you're succeeding, so I will definitely take your advice. Best of luck to you in the future, I cant wait to brag that I am a non smoker.

I am truly angered by the blind eye the government has portrayed to this topic (Smoking) from the very beginning, I came upon this site searching for a way to hide the fact that I smoke from my Doctors testing before surgery, with a solid sickening feeling of guilt, but I am confused with the guilt being how bad I've treated myself, or the fact that I want to hide it, making me feel like a child not wanting to admit my wrong doing, even though legally what I am doing is okay, but definitely doing myself wrong, watching a video on here has mad me seriously think how I got to this point in life, I am 49 years of age and started smoking when I was 14, never a heavy smoker, always smoked lights because the strong was too much for me and I felt I didn't really want more even though it was way too much from the get go, I could go all day through school with out any and when I started working I also could go all day with out any, I was in my early 20's when Illinois became a smoke free state, when they didn't allow indoor smoking in restaurants and any federal buildings and hospitals, its weird now to think I actually smoked while lying in a hospital bed after having a miscarriage when I was about 18, this new law did not discourage me at all, it just meant that my smoking was gonna be limited, so not a bad thing, but I do remember some people I knew being mad, and also when the price slowly went up every year, I'm sure you all heard people say when it gets up to $3 I'm gonna quit, and maybe some did but I never did. I always smoked in my car and in my home, I watched my parents quit who smoked a whole lot more than I did, but when I tried to quit a few times when I got older I found that it was difficult, and asked myself why if my parents could quit being heavy smokers why I could not so easily, I chalked it up to I wasn't trying hard enough or that maybe I really didn't want to, I have heard a lot of quotes like, you have to want to, or pray to God, a fear I had was gaining weight, ugh. When I met my husband now, he smoked but not in his cars or his home, I respectd this and did the same, which also limited my smoking some more, so now when I try to quit knowing I dont do it that much, why cant I say no? well that brings me to believe its not the amount at all, its the fact its in there and its a habit I must keep feeding, sad. My quit date is the 13th of this month and I am quite literally failing, the Doctors assistant handling my surgery appointments has told me 1 week prior to my surgery thinking i had time to quit that theyre postponing my surgery because of the nicotine found in my blood panels, I had not a cigarette in 4 days prior, i tried to reason with her and she insisted a quit for a month then call them back, just like that, this upset me so bad i caved the next day and bought a pack of cigarettes, still pacing myself and trying to quit, knowing I was or am causing further pain and anxiety, my weeness is not being able to get through the urges, gaining weight being depressed, losing hope and no energy, this set back is causing prooblems at home financially and my marriage is changing in a way I dont like. Any support or suggestions may help. Thank you Susan