KEL

@JustinHoot99 "The desire can be weakened, but never entirely removed. At least in my opinion." I could not disagree with you more. In May of 1998, I found myself drinking two bottles of wine a night. I switched to vodka thinking it might change things but was going through at least half a liter a night, sometimes more. I haven't had a drop since December 2, 2000. I have no desire for it whatsoever and haven't for perhaps 17 years? I have given myself "permission" to drink again but I don't want it. I was released from the desire, the obsession. Of course, I was smoking so I shifted my addictive tendencies to another substance. Be that as it may, it does go away. Perhaps one of the mind-sets you need to shift is the belief you will always desire smoking? You don't have to believe it right now. But at least be willing to question it. Trust the group-I would posit the vast majority have had the desire "entirely removed."

Thank you everyone! This seems like a big milestone oddly. I am so grateful for this community. To all of those newbies just slightly behind me, it does get easier. Trust me on that. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. In a few short months, you will realize you haven't thought of smoking every minute you are awake. Instead, you are reminded you used to smoke and become so grateful you don't have to do that anymore. Don't take my word for it-make the year commitment and settle in. Again thank you-K

Yippee! Congrats. Yes, it does get easier..

@JustinHoot99Thank you for posting this morning. I started therapy thirty years ago and have been through many therapists (psychologists and psychiatrists), both group and individual. The purpose of therapy is to get to the s--t we are not conscious of. The isms you speak of are not "therapy" per se. Instead, they are tools to reprogram the negative thinking which, for the most part, we are not aware of. Hence the purpose of working with someone who can help us access those things we cannot get to. "Thats why quitting is difficult for me. Quitting smoking simply consists of not doing something. Thats not an action." It is action to change your thoughts. It is action to make a choice not to do something. It is action to do something else other than that which our junkie brain is telling us to do. We are so programmed in this culture to believe we can "do" something to "fix" the mess. Its completely out of our control. I do get that there are gender differences here, but I am firmly male in my psychology which has been mighty confusing for the other parts of me. So I have engaged in the mental masturbation you are caught up in which is to try to negotiate out of the unvarnished truth: I am an addict. And so are you. Quitting smoking is difficult for you because you are addicted to nicotine, not for any other reason. In order to move past this nonsense, I needed to do is understand that my best thinking, my most prized possession (my mind), got me into this sorry state of affairs. I need to suspend all thought and do the things that others suggest will help me to get out of my active addiction so I can see what is underneath, what the addiction was hiding. Or I can die. @DenaliBluesFlash cards help me. I made a stack of things I wanted to remind myself of when I got into those "blank spaces." It does get easier.

I LOVE THE AUSTRALIANS! So bloody sensible. I very nearly moved to Sydney in 2008 then the world upended. Thank you for sharing this.

NOPE!

I'm not sure if this is helpful but it seems to me it really sucks for about four months. Well, varying degrees of suckiness. I think if you can set the expectation that it is just going to be very challenging for that time, it relieves some of the confusion as to why its not getting better sooner. I can honestly say at almost five months things are dramatically improved in ways I could not have foreseen. This board is one of the biggest reasons I have been able to move through the challenges without picking up again. The other thing is that I also participate in a Nicotine Anonymous support group (on line) which allows me to connect with others who are struggling with their addiction as well as to celebrate victories of recovery. It helps to hear others' voices and stories I have found. Happy to share that resource @JustinHoot99if you are interested.

@JustinHoot99So glad you are back! Our paths crossed in the fall and I have been wondering about you, praying that you would be back here. Sending strength your way....

@OpahSending strength to you for a speedy recovery.

I didn't use NRT this time so I cannot relate. Just wanted to congratulate Sal and Mrs. Sal on their remarkable achievement. And thank you so much for keeping us posted on your progress because it does help those of us who are still in the very early stages. @DenaliBluesDay 19 is amazing especially since you didn't "plan" your quit. I actually think that might be the best way since our big brain doesn't have time to negotiate us out of a quit. A song keeps coming to mind (and someone I am sure knows the artist), "If you are going through Hell, keep going." The only way out is through. Strength and blessings to you both today.

nope

@DenaliBluesOh my yes. What they said. One of the reasons I mucked around with cigarettes for as long as I did was because I imbued them with all sorts of magical things. So that is what they became until they "turned" on me. Unfortunately, this release is oftentimes a tedious process. We had, at our fingertips, a way to instantly change/control how we were feeling. Now, we have to let all the stuff we stuffed down arise and sit with it. It really sucks (excuse the pun). That is until it doesn't. When that happens is different for each and every one of us. But a decades' long way of managing our mood is not going away after 3 weeks. What I can share at this early stage in my quit is that I feel so much better. I'm not saying I don't still have cravings or thoughts of smoking (including dreams) but its not the obsession it was for the first couple of months. Others here with more time can speak to their experiences but the more you can focus on the blessings of not smoking, the quicker the mind will shift to not wanting it. Glad you are here.

Hi @Nana20. Thank you for coming back and sharing your experience. We all know there are no excuses or justifications for a relapse yet there are reasons. And, at the time (at least for me), they seemed "valid." I do believe in the adage "relapse is part of recovery." I think it takes enormous courage to show back up and share so big gratitude to you and @Sunnyside. I'm a bit sad that you thought you might not be welcome. One of the things I love about this site and all of the moderators is how non-judgmental, accepting, encouraging and compassionate they are. The only reason to kick anyone out is the fear that it might not work for me. So then we only have 'success" stories which creates an unrealistic expectation about what recovery from drug addiction actually is. Not linear. I am reminded of an ism in Course (in Miracles) which is words-to-the-effect-of we have no idea of what is going on; sometimes what we perceive to be our greatest successes are actually not and our greatest "failure" is the lesson we actually need to ensure future peace. Or something like that. You have helped me by just showing up today so thank you. Blessings to you today and everyone on the QT.

We are rooting for you!

Welcome. Just reach out if you need us. Glad you are here! And I agree with all that darkness nonsense-we are only as sick as our secrets. This is a safe place to share our shame because it truly is shared. All the crazy things we did/do to feed the demon are understood here and honored. We are not bad people or weak people. We just have a disease like any other disease. We can afford ourselves (and one another) compassion, hope and tough love (the operative word being love) when needed. Karen

NOPE

@nicotine_freeIt sounds as though this was a planned relapse, else why not reach out to one of us for help? Post an SOS? Maybe you needed to give it one last go? I certainly had a few tries before it took. Glad you are back! I think you can go through all of the "methods" of quitting but the reality is that its just about not putting a cigarette in your mouth and lighting it. That's all we have to do. Simple but not easy. Blessing-K

Thank you and it is an inspiration to those of us greener in our process.

NOPE

@OpahSending blessings your way....

@DoreensfreeDo you mean "down hill?"

Whatever works!

@intoxicated yodaCongratulations! That is truly an incredible accomplishment. Right behind you.

Thank you everyone. Great discussion-digging deep. This monster does not want to go easily. I have had that experience @Rozukibut not with this quit. This board and all of the people who have shared over the years really opened my eyes.

This is a sweet thread!