Hi everyone.
I have been reading your posts over the last several days and wanted to thank you all for sharing the challenge. Its provided me some much needed support. Rather than lurk in the background, I am posting. For the first time ever on any site. I am not on social media and am a Luddite sadly.
Like most, I have a long history with addiction. Will celebrate 21 years of sobriety from alcohol (God-willing) in a month but picked up smoking again (after a ten year quit) when circling the drain with that monster. I've had several quits since but nothing stuck for more than a couple of months.
I read Allan Carr's book ("Easyway for Women") over the summer and went to an in-person session in September. Unfortunately, hit a crisis point 9 days in and relapsed. Got back on it with a follow-up video seminar and have been free for over a month now.
Again like most everyone who struggles with this addiction, I have tried all sorts of tricks to negotiate the demon including NRT, hypnotherapy, meditation, 12-step, "moderation." This time I made flashcards with key points from the seminar/book. These help me when I get into the "blank-spaces," when picking up seems like the solution to whatever imaginary problem my mind can concoct. Rather whatever excuse the addiction manufactures to convince me that smoking is a jolly-good idea.
What struck me most from the Carr book is the understanding that I smoke to feel like a non-smoker. Like all addicts, I am trying to get back to the feeling I had BEFORE the first hit (age 16). Not understanding that the instant I ingested nicotine, I bought a one-way ticket to hell.
This time I was able to get that I was in withdrawal the entire time I smoked. That understanding has really shifted things for me. Its so damn obvious these things, right? Except the junkie mind is so good at avoiding the obvious.
I thought it helped with depression which is a huge relapse trigger for me. But it seems that tobacco, on balance, may in fact contribute to the depressive state to begin with. At least studies suggest a link. I am still exploring this but after a month completely nicotine free, I actually am feeling happier or more at peace than I have maybe ever? Its a pretty big statement and I still have difficult moments but I am going to go with unbridled optimism. On a Wednesday no less.
Because, if I am completely honest, all moments when I was smoking were difficult. I just told myself they weren't.
Stream of consciousness. Just wishing each and everyone of you Godspeed.
Karen
