KEL

There must be something in the air. Shifting into the holidays, memories. Etc. I'm not sure if the thoughts are precursor to relapse; the times I relapsed it was more of a "f--k it" attitude. This feels more like a recognition of how deeply ingrained the addiction is within the subconscious and maybe the thoughts @intoxicated yoda is describing (which I have as well) are a deep clearing? One can only hope. I keep going back to Allen's instruction which is to not be afraid of the thoughts of smoking but to instead use them as an OPPORTUNITY to remind ourselves of just how wonderful it is to be free! A little CBT for a Tuesday morning. (I really need to figure out the emoji system because my posts lack color). Wishing you all a beautiful and smoke-free day.

Nope.

That is amazing. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I had two very good friends who worked for one of the main firms who defended PM in the Cali lawsuits in the late 90's/early 00's before the AG took over. I was a bit of an honorary member of the firm, feted marvelously in San Francisco. Installed in a suite on Nob Hill. Oh, and unlimited free smokes. The amount of money they spent on the defense was beyond sickening.

In recovery, they tell us (or used to tell us) to quit what was going to kill us first. I sensed that nicotine wasn't really considered in the same life-threatening category as my drug of choice booze. Why? Well, its unlikely you would mow down an innocent while driving smoking. I believe this attitude did me a disservice all of these years because of the fact that I saw it as an aid to not drinking which allowed me to continue the slow-poison. When I did finally try to stop, it was so hard because, unlike booze, I could smoke and function at work, etc. In fact, it seemed to "help" me deal with life without booze. Yet for me, as for all of us, it was slowly sucking the life out of me. "Today, your goal should be to implement a new mindset and a place for your quit where nothing can get at it. Protect it as if you were protecting a loved one from a murderer. Love yourself enough to protect yourself from an addiction that is trying to murder you." This is exactly the mind-set that is called for in addressing any addiction INCLUDING smoking. Thanks for the tough love.

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Love all the suggestions and appreciate the candor. Night night from Colorado.

I fear that I am becoming one of those people who is wholly judgmental of what passes for "music" these days. Appreciate this thread-made me laugh.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement. Its a "we" thing and I appreciate each and every one of you. K

In my quest to rid myself of the pain of smoking over the last four years, my longest quit was 4 months. Second longest was 40 days. Here I am at day 40 again. Maybe there is something symbolic about it, i.e. that "40 day/40 night" thingy that has some import in our collective experience. Nonetheless, I decided to share some things that made it easier to get here this time. 1. Allan Carr's books. Do an in-person seminar. Its well worth the time/money. 2. Flash-cards are a tool that helps a lot, particularly to remind me of the insanity of addiction, e.g. "I smoke to feel like a non-smoker." All "reasoning" is circular but I have so brainwashed myself to believe that smoking was somehow necessary, beneficial even. It takes some mind-training to get out of the loop of denial. 3. No NRT. I used it (gum) in all of my previous quits. At Day 40 in the past, I didn't feel strong or encouraged. Rather I was just hanging on for dear life. This time, moods have smoothed out and cravings are minimal. I attribute it to not being on the nicotine train in any form. 4. Keeping a journal (which I do anyway) and reviewing all of the insights I have gathered from every source (including you all) daily. I remember in the seminar Jamie saying, "You are running a marathon by smoking and its over when you quit." That was a rather profound way to look at it. About three weeks later, I woke up to a "voice" telling me "The race is over." I am hoping this is a truth from whoever is in charge because, as I know, it certainly ain't me. 5. Focusing on the wins, particularly the relief of not having to smoke. Waking up in the morning without the machinations we all go through when trying to manage our addiction. Bloody exhausting. 6. Being grateful to have the energy to do the things that bring true joy, i.e. exercise. Getting out on the bike (at 9K feet) and not feeling like I am dying at the top of the hill. Of course this exuberance has a downside when on the downside due to the danger of going ass-over-tea-kettle. All must be tempered. I still find myself "romancing" the smoke. Maybe it will always be that way or a little bit that way. I think this is the nature of addiction in that we are forever trying to get somewhere other than where we are. As I practice living life on life's terms, moment by moment and day by day, the desire to orchestrate things to suit my perceived needs lessens. For me, smoking helped to manage my expectations. Perhaps giving up on expectations and just showing up is a better plan. I recall reading something where the guy finally gave up his attempts to quit. That allowed him the grace to actually release the smokes for good. Seems like a bit of a paradox but whatever works for each and every one of us to let go of that which harms us. Wishing you all a blessed day. Karen

NOPE.

I appreciate this. So what I cannot do is smoke. But what I can do is go work-out. Fortunately, what I cannot do does not interfere with what I can do! In fact, it helps. Imagine that. Hope everyone here is having a blessed day. K

NOPE.

Appreciate the posts. Was reading one of my flash cards that says, "Withdrawal is the dis-ease leaving the body." For me, and I suspect everyone else here, there is the initial physical withdrawal and then there is the psychological withdrawal. The latter can feel like the former since we used nicotine to address every mood swing (good or bad) we ever had. For today, I am practicing gratitude when a challenge arises. Wishing everyone a peaceful night. K

Yeah NOPE.

Hi there! Just wanted to say welcome because everyone was so welcoming to me. We always figure out a way around the obstacles to getting our fix. Does anyone remember being able to smoke on an aircraft? Or when there were no-smoking sections in a restaurant, meaning you could smoke in a restaurant? One of the greatest gifts of quitting is not having to plan around things anymore. To not have to go through the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out whether you can get outside and back in in time to get your flight. Or whether you will be kicked out of a rental property because you smoked. But, most importantly, there is waking up in the morning and not having to smoke. And, the kicker? Not wanting to. Wishing this for you. Karen

Thank you! And you too. Fellow Canadian although my people are from Vancouver. I did get to your town many years ago and it was cool. Let's be free from this monster, no?

Congratulations. That is a pretty amazing turn-around.

Thank you for the accolades friends but my motivations are selfish. I have had some serious challenges over the last few months in every area of my life. It seems everyone I encounter these days is having challenges in our "post-pandemic" world. I needed to feel better about myself because I was way into the depths of my sick thinking. Doing this reminds me that, but for the grace of God, there go I.

Its a beautiful sentiment. Sadly, she is very ill at least by our societal norms. I found her chats with her imaginary friends very articulate. Normally, I am all about giving advice to others, carrying the message. But this position is a challenge to my big brain in that I am only there to be of service, to love. To provide a safe non-judgmental space for women whose lives are likely beyond "repair." Until we have resources to truly care for the mentally ill in our midst, self-medication is the reality. Its humbling but the gratitude I have for being able to sleep on a church basement floor (a few nights a week) and not to think about how to get a smoke in is lovely. You know I think I will get rid of it even though its not an "official" ashtray. Thanks for the suggestion!

Linda that is strong. To have the presence of mind to stay true to yourself in the face of weakened inhibitions. I am so grateful I don't drink anymore because i think it would be almost impossible to do so without smoking. Thanks to all of you who replied!

I am sitting out on the patio next to my "ashtray" which is empty. Started me contemplating benchmarks of smoking cessation success which are challenging in the first months due to, well, you all know. So here goes: I was at the shelter (where I am volunteering) the other night. A client who is schizophrenic and unmedicated asked me if I smoked. She was clearly in need of a fix. I was able to say "no." I was further able to decide that going over to the convenience store to get her a pack was not in my best interests. Anyone else have a quit win or wins?

Hey Yoda, Hoping your night got more peaceful. I, for one, appreciate the candor. Having been through a couple of quits, the "bloat" (especially for a woman because there is so much other hormonal nonsense going on) is a real physical side-effect of the lack of nicotine. Its really hard to feel positive about not smoking when your body seems to go to different states of hell after quitting. All I can recommend is exercise a lot, drink a lot of water, and eat a lot of dried fruit. Cascara sagrada is an herb that may also assist. Again in my experience, it does stabilize with time. Wishing you strength.

Nothing wrong with going through the motions so long as they don't include smoking. Fake it until you make it comes to mind. Blessings.

Oh dear. I also went to a "BS" concert Gus. I do believe Pat Benatar was my first concert-back in the days of arena gigs.

Thank you so much for responding. Means a great deal to me. I appreciate all of the suggestions. Don't know how to respond individually but in reading Justin's post my response is: don't be hard on yourself. I did read your relapse post and you made a decision to use again. As I did in every one one of my relapses whether from booze or smokes. We absolutely know we are going there and, as you said, just get so ******* tired of fighting it. In retrospect, each relapse gave me very necessary information. Each time, I felt as though I was being deprived of something that was valuable, a tool that allowed me to live life on my terms. Ironically, addiction is the exact opposite because it controls us. This time thanks to Allen's writings (so ironic he dies of lung cancer 26 years after quitting and helping so many to quit), there is the firm understanding there is NO BENEFIT WHATSOEVER to smoking. So figure out the trigger, work through it and trust it need not be as hard the next time. I always remember long-time AA members telling us relapse is part of recovery. I don't like that much but its true. Again, thanks for all the support.