KEL

@KrisI am glad you are okay. But I would ask that you be a little more mindful of your posts in future. I take comments like yours very seriously because of my education, training, background and history. I have had many "thoughts" over the years that are very dark but would never post them on a public site. It puts too much emotional responsibility on other people who recognize the danger signs of mental illness. When people share ("suicidal ideation"), it is either a cry for help or manipulation. Since you said, "No need to worry, if I need help, I will get it," you either don't recognize that you need help (which is often the case with mental illness) or are seeking emotional support in a very damaging (for others') way. This site is for people struggling with a deadly addiction. If I were to post an SOS, I would expect people to show up with their very best advice to help me through. In turn, I want to show up for others who are similarly struggling with my very best advice. This means that we get emotionally invested in one another. So forgive me if this post sounds harsh but its not the first time I have seen you skirt the edges ("word vomit") in your posts. I guess from now on, I shouldn't take what you say seriously?

@KrisI read your post a number of times and its greatly disturbing to me. "I know it makes no sense, I just know I am not happy in general. Does anyone else have these feelings? Does anyone else think they should bow out gracefully with a little help? You are contemplating suicide. I hope that you will call a suicide prevention hotline immediately and get some help from a professional. Sending love your way today.

NOPE

congratulations! that is amazing.

@KrisIts happening for you! So glad to hear of your victory. Blessings your way...

@jillarThank you my dear for posting. For some reason, I have thought about smoking all day long. Not exactly a craving more like hitting a wall of some kind. Maybe some more subconscious s--t is being brought to the surface and I am not doing what i used to do to cope. So I am owning it here with you all. And keeping to the NOPE. This too will pass. Again, thanks for the bump. I needed it.

Nicely done! New car smell; no cigarette smoke. I like it.

NOPE

Congrats there!

NOPE

This quitting journey, for me, is a spiral. For the most part, the deep cravings are gone. And, truthfully, pretty much subsided after about 60 days. Now its the reminders, especially when there is an emotional trigger. Its just putting in the time.. Glad you are doing so well and happy you are here.

@DenaliBluesSending you positive vibes/strength. Flash cards. All the reasons why I wanted to quit and all the reasons why smoking was just STOOPID. Understanding that I smoke because I am an addict. As long as I am feeding the addiction, it doesn't get any better. Don't know if you read Allan Carr but it was super helpful, especially the part about being in withdrawal the whole time we were smoking. So why not just get it over with once and for all? Also seeing the cravings/withdrawal as HEALING, i.e. the disease leaving our bodies, our lives. As for the mother being a trigger, I got one of those too. However, I terminated the relationship before I quit smoking. Maybe someday there will be a space for us but after a half a century of hoping it could be different, I waived the white flag. I think not having her in my life has helped my sanity tremendously. Not recommending this for you dear but you may want to limit contact with triggering folks just until you have a wee bit more ballast. I, too, am a "writer." I completely understand that one. But please please believe me it does get easier. And you will find that you have greater clarity and can write with greater speed. I always found it hard to type and smoke at the same time! Keep reaching-the only way out is through.

NOPE

NOPE

NOPE

I quit for ten years without a problem. Then this last go around it has taken me five years to get five months. Everyone is different so its no good (and damaging) to compare ourselves to others who don't seem to have a challenge with quitting. Also, I am mindful that we really don't know the true benefits of coming on this board, falling in like and love with people we are unlikely to meet but to whom we tell our deepest, darkest secrets. Yes, we quit smoking. But I think there is magic here that goes beyond that-community, understanding, compassion. All things we looked for in the cigarette and didn't find. Maybe we all looked for those things in other people, situations, things too and didn't find. And here it is on the QT.

I agree. HUGE win. Focus on that my friend. The more things you do without smoking retrains your brain. I remember five years ago I bought a new car and resolved not to smoke in it. That was one of my favorite things, i.e. long road trips and smoking during said long road trips. I was able to wean myself off that and now I rarely think about smoking and driving. Its really just practice in not doing something we used to do. Anyway-blahblah. Just happy you are still on the train tonight

NOPE

@KrisThey are rolling back the mask mandates here in Southern Colorado (tourist town with lots of retirees). I don't wear a mask all the time but definitely when I am shopping or in a space with many folks (like a recovery meeting). I am vaxxed and boosted, rarely get ill. But I am with you. In addition to avoiding COVID, distancing and masking helps us to not be exposed to other bugs. Stay well my dear.

NOPE

Thank you @GusI find it feels better to be an asset as opposed to a liability.

I'm throwing mine in.

Im here-Hi @Doreensfree. Hope you are doing well!

NOPE

@KrisI'd say yes. But also be careful not to punish yourself. We have to know when to stop grieving the "loss" of something and focus on what is still left standing. I have no idea when that happens as each person is different. But I have spent a lifetime wishing things were different and they are not. I think the easier way is to accept what is and go from there. Being an addict is not a bad thing in my opinion. We are all addicts as it is the nature of the human condition to want or need something outside of ourselves to feel okay. And very few of us have much ability to moderate-it just manifests in different ways for each of us. Humans can turn anything into an obsession-we are that good at it. What I have found is the addiction forces me to confront things I don't like about myself and strive to do better, to be a better version I think without that impetus (the life or death thingy that smoking/addiction represents for us), its easy to get complacent and live a life (I heard someone say this last night and it struck me) UNLIVED. Rather lived in the shadows of what we could be if only we were willing to confront our demons.