intoxicated yoda

I actually could name a few wins I reckon, but the only one that matters for me right now is yesterday when I woke up I was 69 days quit. Today it was 70. Tomorrow doesn't matter. You go girl. You keep winning for you.

Howdy Karen...glad you found your way here. Here's to you and your first of many many more months being quit.

Good to have you back on the train. I got no advice to help you so I'll just cheerlead from the sidelines. you can do it.

Hello Addicts....I sincerely hope you are all doing well tonight. I'm still in the fight, although I've got to do something get this monkey off my back...pun intended. Thanks @Boo. I wasn't expecting to be the miracle child of quitting but I thought at the 10 week mark things would get substantially easier to deal with but lucky me...over the last few days just getting through the day has gotten harder. It feels more difficult now than it did the first week. This isn't some psychological thing happening either. These are still very real, very physical reactions. The bloat I experience at times is off the charts. Sometimes I worry that my skin will split up my spine cuz my gut has blown up so much. It's like I pull the pin on the fat grenade and blow the F**K up!!! . The only thing that may actually be showing any sign of improvement is my digestion. i've shit at least once a day for the last three days. I can hear y'all now..."damn, yoda. why you gotta go there?" Well,, it's a big damn deal for me. When you've had 6 or 7 dinners piled up in your colon and you gotta wear some strange flip flops you found to the walmart to buy shoes that don't need to be tied so you don't have to go barefoot cuz you can't bend over to tie your shoes, it's very meaningful. Read that last sentence over and get louder and louder so you are screaming by the time you get to the last word and that's my mood right now. I can at least wear socks again. There's one positive. But seriously, all the stuff I've read about the physical withdrawal being over in 3 to 5 days is utter bullshit. It may be like for some and I'm happy for you if it is...and jealous AF...but for me this shit is dragging out. I guess the reality is it hasn't been that long but like I said before, I know quitting has already made me live longer because the days just never end now. so tonight...I'm still Andy DuFresne, crawling through shit. But there is no turning back. There is only one way out and that way out is through the shit. Which takes me back to my very first post on this thread...The life I want is on the other side of the shit I don't want to do. Wow, this whole post kinda went to shit quick. Sorry about that. Yoda ain't feeling the force tonight and sleep is rare commodity these days. Anyway, I do love you all out there and pray for the supernatural spirit of your choice to bless you with the strength to endure whatever struggles you may be facing. Goodnight addicts and Yoda be praying for all of us.

1. Coats

7. dryer sheets

5. Tide pods (is that still a thing?)

5. puddle of water. (call a plumber, quit!!)

3. Spare roll of toilet paper

1. Drano

Talk about taking a pitch deep. That's a walk off grand slam if there ever was one!! LMAO

Hello Addicts...it's story time again with yoda. It's funny how certain things can impact your perception. I spent the weekend trying to quit quitting for awhile and just be quit...you know, try it out and see how it goes. It didn't go that well. It wasn't terrible but it's still the dominating force in my life for now. And of course as always the darker it gets outside the more I feel the desire. Part of what story time with yoda does is keep me focused on the goal so I showed up here again to log my journey and hopefully entertain some of you as I stumble through my misery...but then my perception got changed. I bet you all thought I forgot about that statement. I saw a member had their 5 year anniversary today. There is something magical about that 5 year mark for me. There's no special reason for it other than the offhand comment I make to myself when I'm about to do something really stupid. This person, today, gets to do the thing that I keep telling myself, look back and be so glad that 5 years ago they quit and stuck with it. I put myself in that persons shoes for a few minutes tonight and ain't gonna lie, I got a little misty. I cannot describe the feelings of joy I have for this person and the level of hope it has given me. And there is the point. If I can feel like this for someone else to accomplish my thought, what will it feel like if I do it? I'll have to wait for that just like they did. But the trail has been blazed again. The groove has been worn in a little deeper so that should help all of us stay on course until we make it. And as the more of us make the journey the more it helps the others coming behind us. I'll tell you a little story about that. I believe it's called the 100th monkey syndrome. I could be wrong about the number but it does have to do with a population of monkeys and a syndrome. It might be the 99th or 45th monkey syndrome. It was years ago when I read about it but if you're interested in it you can google it. Anyhow, after world war 2 ended, the army was doing a lot of tests with nuclear bombs out on some remote islands in the pacific. On one of these islands they brought in some animal trainers to train the local monkey population to wash their food before they ate it to get the radioactive fall out off. Well, as they began working their way around and across the island, training these monkeys, they came across a troupe of monkeys that were already washing their food. None of the trainers had had any interaction with this troupe but yet they were washing their food just as if someone had taught them. The next day as they continued they realized that all the monkeys on the island were washing their food. They moved to a neighboring island to teach those monkeys and all of them were already doing it and there was no way they could have interacted with the monkeys on the first island to learn it from them and the trainers had only just arrived on that island. So the consensus was that once a certain percentage of the population started a new behavior it spontaneously propagated throughout the entire localized population. You see where I'm going with this...once enough people in our population quit it could trigger all the rest of the people to just spontaneously quit. Do I believe that will happen? Not really since we aren't monkeys but I do have hope. And it doesn't hurt me at all to be a link in that possible chain. But think about it, what if you quit and it was determined that you were monkey number 100. or 45 or whatever and literally kicked off a spontaneous quit across the globe? Something to mull over. Anyway addicts, time for me bring this to a close. As always, I love you all and I believe in you. We got this! And congrats to hope2nope for remaining undefeated with a record of 1826 and 0 and still kicking azzz!!

I am ecstatic for you!!

1. frost

6. Cleaning supplies

not sure about most people, but most of the people that I know do!! 3. jack

1. Golf Clubs

7. Leftovers (i dig that handle notsmokinjo)

5. cutting board

4. Crumbs

2. Toaster

@Wayne045 one of the things that convinced me to finally go for it was when I decided to go one night without having cigs. the shit i was doing that i don't even want to admit would have been funnier than anything any comedian could come up with. I'm digging the synchronicity of the numbers on your ticker right now too. I'll be there one day.

Congratulations!!! 1 year and going...

6. fingerprints

@jillar speaking of following greatness...and yes, undoing years of entrainment into an addictive habit isn't quick or easy. I'm just really preoccupied with it being complete if that makes sense. Perhaps as I go through this my perspective will change. I'll revisit my story in a month and see if anything in it resonates still.