Kris

@Sunnyside I tell it for you and others here. There are so many things we can learn from each other that will strengthen our resolve to quit. I think this place has helped me so much to get through this. I have had some very hard times but am on my own in this one for the first time. I have always had some one here in the house to keep me busy but my son and his family were able to buy a home of their own. My Mom was here until she got really sick. She has since passed. There is no one to look after but myself and the pups. My son knows I have quit but does not know how hard it is for me. I don't intend to tell him.

@Sunshine How are you doing with your sleep? I am still upside down. It makes me crazy. I am up all night and sleep from 6 until noon or 1. I get up to a rough start of the so called day and before I know what happened it is dark again. I just can't seem to get anything done. I am awake but my mind says it is dark so I should have done the cooking, cleaning and laundry already. I do manage to get a load of laundry done and in the dryer but it stays there until I have to do the next one. I manage to batch cook and freeze dinners for a few days of meals. Cleaning is hit or miss. Everything is just messed up and I do mean literally. Guess it is back to the doctor. She has addressed it once with sleeping pills but they did not help. How am I going to fix this, no clue. Are you having any luck?

@JustinHoot99 @Sunnyside @intoxicated yoda I don't post as a distraction. I am just trying to relate my feelings and struggle with my quit. We are all different in our thoughts and our quits. That is what is so helpful about this board. We can say how we feel, our deepest darkest thoughts. We need to address those things without judgement. Through others I have realized there are so many things that I have never vocalized, even in my mind. Things I had never even thought of. Things that I have done or would do for the habit. The truth, the thing for me at this point is I am older, my smoking is a problem, it has been verified by tests and my doctor. I have got to figure out how and why I want to go forward in my life. I have smoked weed many times over many years but I always enjoyed cigarettes after. I would enjoy it now to help with my migraines. I don't do it now as I am an old lady because it is not legal in my state and I would have no idea how to get it even if I wanted. I will say, that I think one day I will have that choice legally but I will go with the edibles like @jillar. My lungs have had enough of anything I have to inhale. Never think I don't get it because I do. My husband did not have lung cancer but skin cancer that went to his lungs. He never smoked cigarettes but really enjoyed the other. I was there through all the treatments, chemo, surgery, oxygen tanks, concentrators and portables. All the travel for clinical trials. You never think that something will come and tear apart your whole world that you have worked so hard to build. He was only 46 at diagnosis, 51 when I lost him. It made no sense, I was the smoker in our family. That I have seen up close and personal. I have been the caregiver to that person. I don't want my son to ever have to be that person with me. He was only 17 when this happened to his Dad. He was forever scarred by it. I share these things because it is important for people to understand it does happen. Don't think it could not happen to your family. I don't want any child to lose a parent early. I don't want any husband or wife to go through the heartbreak of losing their spouse. If you continue to smoke, accept the risk and prepare for the future. My husband and I did not come from money. We worked hard and made good financial decisions for retirement. My son was able to go to a good college, with no student loans, our home had been paid off and I am safe and comfortable. We had planned and saved for all of this. What we did not expect that he would not be here. Just another truth that I can't change but I can quit smoking.

-2 (How do the guys not love this?)

0000-GO

-19

Just want to touch base on this. How is everyone feeling with the new information we are getting? Here in Texas they are calling off the mask mandates. In the couple of times I have been out, I have worn my mask and practiced the same social distancing. People look at me like I am out of my mind. How do we forget so soon that we had a vaccine, we would be safe, only to have a variants that would come and take so many lives when they thought they were safe. They had been vaccinated and thought they could go back to normal life, traveling, being with friends and family. Even just going to a movie, a concert, out to dinner. Next thing we know people are very sick, in the hospital and dying. They say we are moving into an endemic, like the flu, that we will now just have to be vaccinated every year. Believe me, I get vaccinated for everything, flu, pnuemonia, shingles. Is anyone else letting their guard down? Funny thing is for me this is the first year I can remember that I have not had a cold or bronchitis. I think part of it is not smoking and part avoiding exposure.

Jeez, @johnny5 You are one good looking fellow! I can't twerk like @Doreensfree and I do not have a cute face like @jillar The only thing I can offer is a train ride to the best place in the world. If you are very lucky Doreen and Jillar will be there to greet you with a big kiss.

Well, I could not tell you how many I could throw on there, but that is not me standing in the far left corner trying to breath in the fumes. LOL

Doreen, Never heard it and do not want to hear it again, but, I do have a craving for a fruit salad.

-17 (I like this game, don't have to think, just remember how to count LOL)

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You are doing great. I am retired and I would not like to go through the struggle of finding a new job. It is rare that you find it all in one place, something you enjoy at a fair wage with good benefits. You have it all over me on the weight thing. I gained weight in the years since my husband passed. Does not mean much to me until the doctor complains. Maybe it does not compute to you as an action but you are doing plenty of actions to keep your quit. That is all that matters, does not matter what you do as long as you don't smoke. Your action is saving your life, the greatest action of all!

@Kel, I do accept how things are. That is why I am struggling through my addiction. I smoked for 40 plus years, it was a part of me. Trust me, I have suffered many losses that I did not choose but had no choice in the matter. People told me the pain would be less as time went on. It was not. The sooner you sit in the pain, however long it takes, the more you can understand your feelings. They are only your feelings, no one else has to know, only you have to deal with the decisions you make. Right or wrong, in the big scheme of things we are only responsible for ourselves. There is no one to blame but me. I am the only one that can change things. I do not punish myself in any way. I have quit smoking because I had to. There were medical tests that made that made it a priority. So here we are. I hope that my honesty will help our younger members quit before there are medical reasons. Let's take a look @Boo, a young man recently married and building a family. He is reaping the rewards on quitting an early age. We need to foster that.

I don't want to replace or debate the issue. I feel like if I do not face it straight on, go through the loss, the anger, the fear, the grief of leaving a part of me (mind you a bad part) in the past. When I can come here and honestly say I have no desire what so ever, I will know I am nonsmoker. That will take a long time. What I have to remember is it is okay, as long as I wake every day with commitment to the goal, I am more likely to achieve it. I often think of those who have had a relapse. The question that makes me really think is how do they have the strength to start over? Why don't they just use that strength to not relapse? I am not judging, I wish I had the strength to relapse, but I know I don't have courage to start over. When you remove the that option, things become clear.

So, funny @KEL I am right here, re-reading this thread. I am going back to reread it again. There is so much to learn in this thread. One word "action" speaks to me. The action for me is I wake up every day and I am breathing. I am also not hiding from the fact that I am addict. I want to face it and struggle through it. For me, doing this will teach me that only I can change it. I still admit that I want to smoke. I want to embrace the pain so much that I never want to feel it again. Is that an "action"?

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I am so excited for you! I will say that it does not surprise me. It takes a great deal of self reflection to realize that you want to make big changes in your life. To accept that you can look into the future and chart your own course. When push comes to shove you are knocking down any barrier put in front of you. YOU HAVE THE POWER

Great job! Every day is a cause for celebration.

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@JudiMD or you could be like me, tech challenged. @jillar is kind enough to help me when I have questions. You will figure it out.

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HI @JudiMD How are you? Are things going well with your quit? Are you feeling better from your surgery?