Kris

Panic, panic how to just get thru another day, even before I quit, I had it everyday. How could I get thru everyday without the fear of everything. Then I realized I have lived to see another day despite my fears. No, I am not like everyone else and never will be but I can be content if I just stop fightng the fear. If something is going to happen it will, I have not control over it. It is okay to be fearful, to panic but I want to enjoy what I can when I can. If I drop dead at the mall, in a bowling alley, at a wedding at least they are things I would not have missed. I quit smoking to have the possibities of all I might see, all I might do. We only have one chance, I don't want to throw them away. You are young with so may adventures and possiblites. Do not throw that away lightly, smoking will only cause terrible things for you health. Keep you from the life you deserve. Be proud and stand strong the world awaits you!!

Rain is underated, I love it! Been in the bed all day with migraine. Got up and thru together a nice pasta salad and went to get wine. Watching Andy Griffith, been in love with that man since I was a little girl so my mom told me. My dad died when I was only three. He was in the air force. I would run to any man in a uniform because I thought he was my dad. My nick name was kissy bug, that he gave me. I tried to be worthy.

I will totally say I am glad I do not have to work any more. That I have to subject myself to a bunch a people who act like they are in junior high. You would think that now they are adults they could see the damage they make by being selfcentered, selfish and unkind. That there are people around them that are struggling with real hardships, health, family and just keeping the bills paid and food on the table. Life as adult shoud not be a popularity contest instead focus on things you can do to make someone else's live better.

@Linda. I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Things are not great here just mental stuff that comes with the seaason and living alone. I know you get it. It can get hard to fill up the day around the holidays. The plan was to go out and get get a small christmas tree...I have not had one up in years. Somehow I could not get dressed and go out. I have just tried to be busy here at home, cooking for the week. Playing chase with the dogs in the yard still in my PJs. Hopefully we will all sleep well tonight. I am not going to lie, it would be comforting to smoke but I know that is not a part of my life anymore, but I do wish I had not run out of wine. LOL Thanks for being here!

Thanks, let's face it sometime we girls just need a good old fashioned cry, somehow it brings some kind of peace. @Linda, as luck would have it my son called to see if he and my grandson could spend the night next saturday. My DIL is having a slumber party with her girlfriends. I hope I can take the boys out for an evening at a giant arcade and some bowling. Then have a dinner out. Yes, Kris, there is a Santa Claus! I still would like to visit that cabin, in the woods, can I have it overlook the lake? Can I bring the dogs for long walks?Can I have it prestocked with food and drink? Can there be a hot tub and a huge bed as soft as clouds? If I am going to have a fantasy, I want to make sure I don't forget aything. Thanks for my pretend memories!

Linda, having a huge influx of emotion, makes sense to me at this time of year. I know I need to have abreakdown and it get it out but thanks to antidpressants I am a walking door knob. Can't muster up anger, hate, sadness, grief. I think I need a nice cleansing bottle of booze. A good hours long crying screaming pity party, so that is my plan

Well when the family was still here it was a prime rib roast and and all the fixings, There are not many of us left and we don't get together. I will do a layered egg an mushroom dish, with sausage balls, biscuits and honey butter. Dinner a small filet and lobster with veg. Since it is only me I just keep it simple

@Katgirl I am not only proud of you for your quit but in also sharing your story of anxienty. Those who suffer anxiety/panic disorders have been forced to long to hide. Your words have given others not only the courage to quit smoking but have enabled them to reach out for help with anxiety'. It is time the world knew we are out here, we suffer and often can't function in the real world so to speak. I have been suffering my entire life, I have no idea what it is to be so called normal. I wish I could feel it at least once. To have no fear in any situation. It gives me great comfort to know that there are many of us that struggle everyday. I think smoking played a great deal in my struggle to fit somewhere. I have come to accept that place does not exist. I still have the anxiety and panic attacks and that they will all ways be present. I do have some peace that I am trying in other ways to better my health. Thanks for sharing your struggle.

I am proud and happy for you! Thank you for bringing us positive things to think about. It is wonderful know you are here for us all even through your own battles and I want you know I really appreciate it K

@darcy I am happy you are geeting more mobile. When I was young, I was a water baby. I was on the high school swim team. Such a relaxing way to get excersize and give you time to clear your mind, I have found a local pool where I can do lap swimming. I used to swim every week at my inlaws, they have passed now. It is hard to describe to others the peace you find in the water, your body lets go of tension and there is only the movement that makes you graceful, content with every stroke, the freedom to move without pain. You inhale the scent of chlorine, it is like a drug to a true swimmer. If you are lucky the only sound you hear is the light splash of other swimmers gliding thru the water.

@Opah No need to worry, my son does the yard work now, just running behind right now due to a heavy work schedule. He has his own home to do, mine and his his MIL that also was widowed last year. I am sure I can handle the plumbing isssues, just depression is holding me down right now, if I can't get it done I will call the plumber. The truth is I just like to feel I can take care of things. If I can't I can hire help, I just don't like strangers in my home unless necessary and I don't want to pay someone else when I can do it. Yeah, I am stubborn!

@Opah I have been off the board dealing with my own struggles for a week or more. It is so hard to come to grips with aging and the things that come with it. I could not have imagined a time that I could not do my own yard workl. That I could not get up a step ladder to change light bulbs and dust my cieling fans... but the reality of the situations devastate you. All my life I have done things that most women left to the husband. My husband was dedicated to his work, his job, above all things so I learned to take care of many things around the house. I was not upset about this, I saw it as things I could do so we would have more time together as a family. Now he is gone, I find that I can't do what I used to do with ease. Old age has come, sneaked up and torn away my confidence. I have to stand back and look at each thing, to see if I can do it. I can still get down but getting up is whole different thing. I have plumbing I need to deal with in a couple of bathrooms that were not a problem in the past but are a different thing with limitations that are age related. I am angry that I can not do things I have done in the past. I do not like asking for help. No one does! We are still the same person in our minds but our bodies betray us. I find that as these problems weigh on me it increases my desire to smoke again, like if, if I can only fix that toilet, dust that fan and so forth, I can take a break and have a smoke. The reality, if we get it done, we still can't have that so called reward, a smoke break on the patio. And so I live with a toilet not running well, I leave the ceiling fans on so visitors won't see the dust and I keep my quit. We have to step back and survey the landscape of our lives, what is most important. At this point I am choosing my health and a longer life so I can see my grandchildren grow up. So I can take them to the park and play without being short of breath. Yes, we are older but we at least have a choice in how we want to be older, we can recognize what is truly important. If I did not have anything else I wanted to see in my lifetime I would continue to smoke, a slow suicide. We must admit there is so much to do and see before we leave this earth, that will be our strength, determination and end goal. We want to leave our families knowing we choose them first above all things!

I wish I could help but the truth is still that I want to smoke. It does make a difference that there are people here have been able to do this. You are right...it will pass. We just have to be patient.

I agree, I don't understand it either. The sad thing is so many that have not been vaccinated will now decide it does not matter because of break thru cases. Still better to take it and if we do get it sick hopefully it will not be as bad. I had two doses of Moderna but will aske the doctor about a booster next week. Stay safe! K

@Linda No way I am gong out there, even if there was no Covid. I just don't have the energy to do it anymore. The only person I need to get a present for is the 8 year old grandson. The adults get a check now as I have no idea what they want or need. Yes, I have been reading that things are very bad in Michigan. I think it will get worse everywhere, I am prepared, I hope you have a good stock up of things to get thru the next couple of months. I hope everything was good at the doctor the other day. I have to see my primary and the also the doc that does my botox for migraines next week. K

Linda, still up, are you up to do the black friday thing? I hope you are not going out there, I think it is not a good idea for anyone.

@MLMR sounds like you new quit is going well. I am thankful that you are getting through this first week easy. I am struggling with another night of insomnia. The quit is going fine. I just want to figure out why I can't sleep, my Mom had this problem as she got older She was always up late and slept the morning away. I would prefer to be an early to bed and early to rise person. Like you said, the morning is so peaceful, quiet, gives you the time to prepare for the day. It is always good to spend time with a friend. I do not know how I would be around someone that is smoking. I don't think it would bother me but I have not had the experience. K

Mass at church

Edwin

At least we don't have to worry about where the ashtray goes anymore. LOL K

@Kel, You have committed to a lifestyle that many of us could not ever dream of living. Gluten free, vegan, nicotine and alcohol free. So please don't say you do not have anything to enjoy on this holiday. You have everything and are doing everything that contributes to your health and well being. You are having a true thanksgiving that many of us are jealous of. You have set goals that you are achieving, You should be proud. K

Thanks @Linda I hope you are spoiling yourself as well. I may not feel good later after I over eat but I am going to enjoy it! K

@Linda Thanks, that for that. This is a day we have worked hard for. It would be so much easier sometimes to give up, wave the white flag and surrender. We are not doing that. We are still in charge of the battle. K

Okay the cooking has commenced. Cake is done and in the freezer for making an ice cream cake. Lobster tails prepped and steak marinating, for the grill. Rolls have been made and rising. Made myself a margarita! I have to say I would love a smoke but it is not on the menu. Realized this is my first Thanksgiving without smoking. Must say I am shocked and thrilled at the same time. If you alone this year I hope you are spoiling yourself, we are worth the time and the effort. Celebrate you! K

Liberace