Kris

Still here fighting the good fight with the help of my baby dogs. They smell like dogs not cigarettes. They keep me in line, if something happens to me who would spoil them rotten. It is the one skill I have, spoiling dogs.

Gosh, seems like yesterday, I was in that struggle that first bit that was so hard. It has been a year and half. I am not saying anything because quite frankly I do not know how I have done this. In reality, I have not done it, all the people here have done it. They gave me love, support, advice to keep me strong, they quit smoking for me, as funny as that sounds. Come here, bitch, moan, cry, hate the world. You will find kind loving words, you will find how to deal with withdrawal, you will laugh, you will cry but you will never be alone. There will always be someone to talk to, that makes all the difference.

Linda, I get it. I have not felt well the last couple of weeks. I have my next dr. appointment next week, that will be the fifth since the new year. This is normal physical, blood work, sent off to see a doctor about my neck, MRI yada yada. Probably wind up with steroid injections and more PT, It is frustrating when you don't feel well. That smoking monster keeps sneaking up, whispering, making all these great promises, you will feel better, you will lose weight, you will be able to sleep at night. your anxiety, your fears will disappear in a cloud of smoke.....it keeps calling, I keep not answering. We want relief for what ever the physcal or mental pain. We want to run away from life, to try anything to relief the pain.. We both know smoking is not going to change or help anything. The only way I am going to give up is if I decide to end my life, not by suicide but by giving up and smoking again. It is a long drawn out painful suicide. I guess that is the thing, we are all going to die someday but how will that happen. I don't want cancer, COPD, congestive heart failure. I prefer my nice warm bed, go to sleep and wake up somewhere else. What do you want for your future?

How are you doing, feeling better or still in the struggle battle, remember you are not alone, I am still doing it everyday. We can get through it together!! Please start posting you positive thoughts again. We are sure to have many new members that would benefit. Even after all this time, I would appreciate it. I need all the help I can get. Best Wishes!!

@LindaWe both know what is going on! We are struggling with pain that has nothing to do with smoking, so smoking won't fix it. I am trying to power through, you gave so much inspiration to me in the beginning of my quit. Would I have made it this far without you and everyone else here. NO WAY, keep your quit, hold on to your power, share it with others!

Lord knows, I have been running off at the mouth these last couple of weeks. Tonight I had one of those go down rip out your heart, get a roll of toilet paper, ugly girl crying jags. Now that it has passed, I bathed my face in cold water, I knew I was going to be okay. The depths of my sadness, my grief, had nothing to do with smoking or lack thereof. I am just missing my husband, what my life was supposed to be. I could go out and smoke a carton a day and it would not relieve my pain. I have lost someone, something I can never get back. I know the truth of it know, smoking was just something that I did, something I became addicted to, something I thought I could not live without. The truth is I can smoke or not, and yes there are days when I think, to hell with it. Okay, so I die sooner than I should, at least the horror parts of life would be over. If we all get lucky we will see each other again in another place. Why, in this world would I just not throw caution to the wind and enjoy the little time I have left. Sooner or later every decision we make comes back with an answer. My husband made a decision to not go back to the doctor. When he did it was too late, the cancer (skin) had metastasized. He did not feel bad, sick, but found a lump under his arm. That tiny little pea size lump took his life. So here I am in misery, without him. If I look at smoking again I am just doing the same thing, ignoring the fact that sometimes, things have to change. Sometimes we have to do things in order to protect ourselves and our loved ones from unnecessary grief and heartache. So, I now will be known as the lady who carries a roll of toilet paper in her purse to remind me why there will never be a pack of cigarttes in there again.

Well, here we are another day, Christmas Eve, there are many we have lost along the way. I am here on my one alone, besides the 3 pups that fill my home and my heart every day. I have talked to the son, no, I will not be going to his house for Christmas day. I did speak to my grandson to let him know that I have his present and will get it to him soon. I do not like the holidays anymore! I have had my glory days and prefer to keep my sad face and tears to myself. Just because I may be in pain doesn't mean I get to ruin the day for others. I really do not mind being alone. I still do all the things, I made the cookies, cooked a ham and lasagna. Have all the traditions we used to do as a family except there is no tree, no lights on the house. Some of you may think that is sad, do not, I was blessed with a loving husband and family. My home is mortgage free, my son is a happy, sucessful young man, married with his own young family. I like to think that my husband, who passed 12 years ago, and I still got it all done just as we planned. I maybe here without him but his love and hard work has given me and our son a good life, no worries and the same security, protection he would have provided if he were still alive. Just passing this on, to appreciate life, to really understand how much you have been given. It all started long ago when there was no room in the inn. Joseph and Mary were allowed to take lodging in the manger. There was a bright star that night that led the wisemen to the place of our saviour's birth. For on that night a child was born "God's only begotten son" that was given to all of us. From that birth until this day, every child is born with God's grace. What a gift we have been given. Yes, yes, I do ramble on at times. I still struggle every day. I would like a cigarette right now. At least the struggle is worth it!!

Well , let's see where we are, it is about 3 AM on a Saturday night in the month of December when all things should be happy. This is the month that my husband and my MIL passed 8 days later. Lord, the double wham. When I finally got to my MIL she was comatose, I could not comfort her or she me. We had both just lost the whole world. She had 5 children but it was my husband that was always there. The one that took care of her when my FIL died. He was the one that went that went 3 times a week that took out the trash, that cleaned the pool, changed the light bulbs, wiped down the ceiling fans, and anything she needed. Mind you this carried on even though my husband had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, going thru chemo, traveling to particpate in clinical trials. MIL sold her home and moved closer to her daugther at some point, more for her than MIL, built in baby sitter. as she traveled for work. Still my husband kept up with her care. It was not anything that shocked me when she collapsed when my husband died. He was always the special child, he was born in 1959, a preemie, 3 1/2 pounds, not expected to survive but he did. He was so dedicated to family, that was the most important thing. I will say our family took the backseat, when things needed to be done at our home, it had to wait for everything that was needed for his folks, aunts and uncles, even my sister. It was hard being the last on the list but that was the truth of it. Things would only get done when I tore up things, like the kitchen floor or a bathroom. I would do everything I could do to make him come in and fix it. I painted all the of our new home all by myself, I stripped wall paper and still I had to fuss to make him help me with finish. Here I am, son, got him thru college without student loans. Paid off the house. Moved in my Mom in ill health with dememtia for couple of years. Had son, his fiance and son here for a couple of years. And then I have to quit smoking, well that was a bitch, but I am doing it. Still not happy but I am doing it. If I can get through this crap you can too! Sometime life is a bitch and you just have to get thru it. Somewhere there is rainbow. Just look, you will find your rainbow in the most unexpected place. If you don't look you will not see it, you will not feel it, that miracle of the sun on you face after a hard day!! s

Sure happy that diaper was not full! Beware BOO, make sure little Jackson is not packing a load waiting to explode!! LOL

oooh, get over it, tell the woman the truth, we should be allowed be right once ever 10 years or so!! Bring her some flowers or her favorite treat, get down on your knees and admit she was right. Good heavens, she carried your beautiful babies! I think it okay for her to be right this time. We will review your behaviour in 10 fast years.

I feel really bad you have to start again but you have prepared. I don't what caused the relapse but we can't escape lifes problems in a cloud of smoke. It will not stop anything bad from happening but quiting can save your health and your life!!

Yes, I am here!!

First you must get rid of all youor smoking items!! If you smoked in the car, have it cleaned and then that reminder will be gone. There is no easy way for most of us, you are the one that has to do it. I am at 16 months and I still stuggle, that is just the honest truth. I don't know your reason for quitting. Stay focused on the reason. You must have one or many. I had a couple and I just keep my eyes on the prize. I am sure you have worked hard for many things in your life and achieved those things This is the one that can save your life. This is one of the biggest things you can do for yourself!! Keep going, it gets better but I have reailized it is much like any other addiction. I will have to make this decision everyday for a long time.

Until you are old like me and have to get up and pee every three hours!!

Welcome Pedro, glad you found us. The lovely people here can help you get it done!! Without them, I don't think I would have done as well as I have.