Jswiss

so, i smoked two cigarettes this past saturday night. i have to admit i was kind of longing for one for a few days. Need to remind myself what i'm longing for isn't really something i want, it's just a few moments of satisfying a nicotine craving and can't go back to that lifestyle again. there's nothing to gain.

thanks all. about covid though, i'm in taiwan, and it was taken very seriously here since day one (if you want to go shopping or go to work or school, temps checked at the door, masks on, and hands sprayed with sanitizer, no exceptions, along with government issued masks for every household, and free check ups at the nearest health center in every city. ) so it never became a crisis here. a case has never reached my city, so we can all have gatherings fortunately.

Almost two weeks nicotine free. Survived my first social gathering with smokers. I was offered a smoke at least four times and also sat in a circle with smokers and chatted and felt relatively comfortable for the most part. I had a couple drinks too, they might've taken the edge off a little. I pretty much just kept reminding myself that the addiction is not satisfying, it's not relaxing, and i'm not missing out on anything. So, passed my first real test as an ex-smoker. Not out of the woods yet, but feels good to be able to say "no" and feel comfortable about it.

10 days nicotine free. My fiance told me we are going to a gathering with friends this weekend and next, and i'm guessing the weekend after that because it will be thanksgiving, and all our ex pat friends get together here in taiwan since we don't have family to celebrate the holiday with. So i can't hide forever. Gonna have to face my smoker friends sooner or later. Thinking to skip this weekend since i haven't given myself a full three weeks of quitting nicotine. I also don't know how i'll holdup with a few drinks in me. decisions...

In a couple hours, i will be nicotine free for a whole week. First time in twelve years, and maybe second or third longest streak in like 20 years, pathetic that i waited this long, and i still have my doubts about myself. At some point, i have to finish my jedi training and face my smoker friends, it is my destiny. only then can my jedi training be taken to another level. may the force be with you, always!

thanks for the help with the ticker. officially though mines off by about 13 hours because i'm on taiwan time, but whatever it's no biggie. So day 5- my goals for the day, draw alllllllll day, maybe start a new art course online. do an intense workout, this time put myself through some pain, i'm lazy by nature so gotta push myself sometimes, the motivation bleeds into the rest of my life. read some literature on addiction, and try and sneak in a round of meditation.

i don't understand the ticker i guess. i keep filling it out and saving it, and then nothing happens, i don't see it anywhere, and when i go back to it, it's reset.. i'm sure i'm doing something stupid

Day 4, well, this is the longest i've made it in a long time. maybe 12 years? my goals for today, spend 3 hours drawing, get a workout in, if i want sugar grab some fruit before i grab a bar of chocolate, and enjoy the day. i have no idea if i'd make it through a stressful day, everything's been smooth sailing so far.

about to go to bed, followed through on everything i wanted to do today. one thing i'm noticing is i'm doing a lot less drawing, my mind seems to wander a little more (nicotine cravings), it's a little harder to sit still (cravings too i assume) and easily stressed out (again must be cravings). i'm really hoping to calm down at some point and just get back into the swing of things... and thanks everyone for the positive reinforcement and advice these last three days, now on to day 4.

well here's day 3, and i'm not going to break...... my goals for the day- do a lot of drawing ( i do anyways so that won't be hard), rather than take the elevator up to my twelfth floor apartment, gonna walk it (get my lungs working), also do a light exercise with weights, and try and start eating more fruit vs junk food (if i wanted to, i could let myself go and just binge on icecream allllllll day!). about to finish reading "easy way to quit smoking" deciding if i should give it a second read through or move onto another book i discovered via the internet "in the realm of hungry ghosts" a book about addiction. i think for the next year, if i buy or read any books, they're only going to be books dealing with or the main topic will be about addiction. i usually read at night , and night time is when i'm most likely to break, so i feel like it's a way to keep me focused on my addiction, and i'll gain insight into myself and the science behind why i'm addicted to anything, which can only help. I'll allow myself some fiction if i get burned out (i'm sure i will) reading only testimonials and the science behind addictive behavior, but again the book's overall theme has to be about addiction.

thanks all of you. i appreciate the support. it really helps. i feel pretty confident about everything so far. chewing gum, peppermint tea, carbonated water with lemon, and exercise are my crutches right now for nicotine cravings. trying not to over do it on sugar..

Did not sleep well last night, maybe about four hours. Not sure if it has anything to do with quitting smoking or not? well here's my second day of not smoking, we'll see how it goes. I usually break by day 3 if i even make past tis day. if the cravings get bad, one of my strategies is to come here and read some of the success stories and any literature on nicotine addiction/withdrawals. been reading allen carr's "easy way to stop smoking," the book gives me some confidence. after i finish it, i would like to find a couple more books on addiction. if anyone has any recommendations for any good books on addiction that helped them out,let me know. off to work.