Margeetx

Good bye. Best of everything to you all. margee

oh Jillar......please forgive me.....I meant no disrespect. I have an extremely warped sense of humor. I will never disrespect you again. margee. xxoo

oh my new friend,ButtLicker.....it almost feels like I am getting sick....except wait....I already am sick....AFIB,hypertension,back screwed up....yadayadayada. I feel stupid,weak,angry,sad,nauseated,freezing feet,....and, wish I had never smoked so I wouldn’t have to stop. ~ ~ * —

I am barely holding on. No cigarette since yesterday. I don’t want to eat because I will want to smoke afterwards. I am nauseated, so I have to eat something. I didn’t go to sleep until almost 4 this morning....them slept most of the afternoon. I am reading posts, watching Joel. Why do I feel so weird? xxoo

oh Jillar"........thank you for repairing my first blog entry....you are just a dear. I really don’t know how I managed to mess it up. I am fearful of going to sleep; what if I go stark raving mad in the morning with my coffee and no cigarette??? I have visions of me running down the street ( as if I could run...haha ), screaming like a mad woman. instead, I am planning a brand new routine for the first cup of coffee... think different- do different. I think I am going to cook my Sweetie a gourmet breakfast....he will surely faint with a smile on his face. xxoo

hey Buttlicker: I typed up a blog entry but did not post it correctly, so it shows as general information about the blog....not a blog entry. Can it be fixed? Thanks. xxoo

This may end up being a mish-mash of random thoughts....I just feel the need to talk. In 2003, I fell (crashed) ....slipped on water from dog bowl...long story cut short....fractured pelvis in 9 places,mostly right side. Back has never and will never be great again. Misdiagnosed twice in ER, finally saw PCP, got the MRI. Technician asked, “ Honey, when was your car wreck?” You get the idea. 3 months later, I was walking without the walker, and doing “fair.” Kept working...I simply took call for the hospice, and would triage the calls-dispatch -ing staff as indicated. Was able to play 36 holes of golf, created a garden of Eden in my back yard, walked 2-3 miles several times a week, did all the housework, cooking, etc. Worked ( RN) until 10/25/15, when I started having weird epigastric pain...continued on for about an hour....drove self to nearest ER, was in surgery by 6pm for an abdominal thoracic aneurysm. Next day, I developed AFIB, Hypertension...told to see cardiologist within 2 weeks. Was immediately re- admitted to hospital for Ablation #1. Another long story short....was able to return to work (working as case manager from home)...went through 4 more ablations, without real improvement. Have had numerous back injections and rhizotomy’s for back issues. ( each ablation was4-6 hours, with a requirement that I lie flat afterwards for 12 hours)....this always screwed up my lower back even worse. Fast forward to 6/23/20...back to surgery for another aneurysm at the distal end of the previous one. I am having another back procedure this coming Thursday. I have no stamina,strength,energy. All cardiac meds have failed for AFIB. I am 5’11”, and now weigh 108#. I look and feel like death warmed over. I have resistant hypertension. All of my cardiac tests are “normal.” I enjoy my cigarettes. This is nuts. Lung function is still WNL. I am sick and tired of being a near invalid. At this point....I really feel that the one thing that I can do that just may make a difference....not smoke anymore. I am a Christian. Please send me prayers, mojo, magic potions, anything!!!! xxoo

Well folks.... I am going against a lot your great advice. I have spent today reading, listening to Joel’s videos, and finishing my last pack. I keep thinking about my Mother, and how she quit cold turkey, back in 1986. I can remember her holding my youngest brother, breast feeding him, smoking a cigarette. Though I never breastfed my children, I never smoked while feeding them. I did afterwards. At that time, I had only been smoking a couple of years. Knowing what I know about addiction....my head is so full of “stinking thinking” today. I feel like my patients used to tell me about “making sure that they had that last drink,or drug hit before admission to the hospital...” I imagine that I will need to tell you all about my health scares since 10/15, and now the subsequent aftermath. I WILL NOT USE THIS AS A REASON TO GIVE UP MY PLAN TO STOP. Give me strength,kindness, and hope. xxoo

THANK YOU!!!!! xxoo

Hello all.....should I spend $199.00 dollars for the Allen Carr system....or can I get plenty of support from all of you great folks? We are seniors, on a fixed income.....that is a lot of $$$ in my book. help me know what to do....purty please.....xxoo

I have no clue on all of the possible ways to navigate this site....I am trying not to make it complicated....I promise! I worked in a psychiatric hospital for nearly 10 years. I managed the day treatment program. Held groups with addicts....did their drug screens....kept the doctors in line. This was back in the day when airlines would pay for 30 days inpatient, then they would transfer to my day program. Most were pilots, and most were alcoholics. The failure rate was extremely high after the first admission. So, I know what the disease of addiction is. I HAVE NOW REALIZED THAT MY SMOKING IS AN ADDICTION. I am thankful that I rarely drink alcohol. My issue may end up being with coffee...however, with my AFIB, I have reduced down to 2 cups only in the morning. Hubby is going today to get me some peppermint and butterscotch hard candy. I will talk with y’all soon......xxoo

I read “somewhere” that picking a quit date helps. I am reading all that I can. When I quit before....it was Pre- internet....so, I am really trying to absorb all that I can.... xxoo

thank you...BUTTKICKER! xxoo

How do I access the replies to posts? please excuse my illiterate ability to NOT understand the obvious at times..... xxoo

I will stop smoking on Monday. I retired in 2016, after working as an RN for 47 years. Had no significant health issues until 10/15/15....these issues have gotten worse and my retirement has been horrible. Surprising....the issues have not been pulmonary so to speak...primarily abdomen aneurysm’s, resistant hypertension and AFIB. My pulmonary function...my doctor determined that I am not a real cigarette inhaler, as much as a mouth smoker, for the most part. But, I know the smoking is affecting my circulation. I was walking 2 miles 3-4 times a week; could easily play 36 holes of golf ( and, in the Texas heat); worked in my backyard garden from 7AM to 7PM without any issues. This was up until 10/15. My 44 year old son ( a twin) died suddenly in 2018 of a pulmonary embolism...he was a health nut...strong and healthy, 6’4”, hard worker, loved working as a high aerial construction worker. I have a daughter ( his twin ), and another son. 3 grandchildren. Married to a retired forensic police officer. I decided that I will quit. My Mom quit cold turkey in 1986; she had smoked since she was 16. I KNOW that I can do this. I quit once for 3 years in the late 80’s, after my brother died of a brain tumor when he was 52. I have also lost an older sister and older brother. We had a wonderful family with 8 living children...I was an Air Force brat. I started back smoking after the 3 year quit when I was on vacation in Hawaii, with another couple...both smoked. Too much adult beverage one night....in a month, I was back smoking just as before. I am hoping to get support here. Thanks for listening....ROLL TIDE!!!!!