helmethermit

thank you like always, today - most coughing day (although the cough is light and hardly noticeable) since the start. no longer craves feel threatening or annoying. the new power of smell will keep you giggling all day believe me. the ease with which the air flows down your throat is something you will enjoy so much. tired of logging down and tracking a story that is dead by now (quit complete now so no more fun in following it - as long as there was the chance of a 50/50 success rate it seemed edge of the seat thriller. not anymore. no anger, no frustration no feeling of ego and no eureka - i did it. (realized now - i did nothing big - just stopped doing something stupid). i have the power - i have the P-U-P-P-Y P-O-W-E-R, lol.

11

thank you all for the wondrous, sublime, enigmatic, reverie that i bask in. on a personal note i was young once when this angel decided that she had found somebody who would treat her better. an ex is what they say maybe. an angel is what she remains to me. she called me out of the blue after what feels like decades to check if i was ok. do i hate her ? no. do i wish her back - no. she made her choices and it would break my heart and crush my soul to know that a choice that she had made eons ago turned out to be wrong. angels are never wrong btw, in case you did not know. so you see - hate does not solve anything. only closure with no hard feelings does that. i was a smoker once, i loved smoking, i enjoyed it to the hilt. but now i want that closure. and the more i detest, hate and demonize it - the thing and feelings will hurt no one but me. so, no more pain and nothing but gain. i chose to bury my passion, love, dependence with no hard feelings or regrets. it is over now. sometimes i do not even know what i write here. please start a section on mumbling of a deranged sailor and dump this thread there. To be honest - more than smoking videos it is these kind of videos that help me quit. i lived without an angel i thought i could never. then what made me believe that i could never survive without the devil, lol. god, an old sentimental fool. anyway - breaking the forum rules and posting a song here. hope this violation is overlooked.

thank you jillar, day 007 update - napping randomly but more due to lock-down and not poison withdrawal, lol. light cough - same as day 5. body discarding poison. throat feels like i ate a mint or something - can feel the cold air flowing down my throat. smell is supernatural. i can smell better than a puppy at least i am sure, lol craves in last 24 hrs - one maybe, maybe because i do not feel any discomfort or pain. i told my body - if you want to protest you better damn do it like it should be done. wave a placard at me and i will beat you to pulp with the same placard. if you think that these puny little craves will make me succumb to the little baby hyena that you are is misplaced. the body gave me a big scares/ craves earlier on day 1/2/3 i think. i decided to play dirty with the devil. i began to enjoy them (the craves) despite the fact that the time during the crave hurt for the simple reason that when it gave up and released / let me go - it felt so good. come on doodle, two can play this game i decided. i began to look forward to craves to experience the joy of feeling it fade away. now this is a masterstroke by any standards. i turned the biggest weapon that my enemy had into my biggest asset. lol, mind games with this doodle is fun. the doodle was born a hyena but is growing up into a adorable puppy dog, lol. i told this doodle - can smoking kill me? - he said maybe, possibly, there are remote chances etc hmm i answered - ok, let not smoking kill me then, lol doodle was like - shocked, stunned and totally totally frustrated. when you cannot handle a problem what should you do ? invent a bigger problem so that the attention is diverted from the original problem not smoking may kill me - the problem corona may kill you - bigger problem not smoking - no proof that it killed anyone so far corona - lots of proof sadly problem disappeared like a rocket suddenly. smoking stood by you, do you remember? sure did, had i spent half of the same money on a supermodel she too would stand by me - by the way. and chances are that she would never back stab me too as a bonus. who knows we would have even fallen in love and gotten married, lols i ffeel sorry at times for the smokey doodle - i show no mercy. i humiliate the poor kiddo endlessly. but spare the rod and spoil the child - i cannot do that - not to this demon child, no way. have a great day all.

3 hello - guardian angel - i am fine. you girls are so naughty. i get away from here for a while and your naughty gang bring it down like a pack of cards. must stalk this thread, lol.

thank you dorrensfree, you are truly a big big inspiration and i drew so much of strength from your wondrous self. sazerac, the link was so beautiful. i feel overwhelmed at times. sailors are toughies and we never, ok - almost never get emotional but you bunch of girls are so powerful in your aura that it does slice my soul. truly selfless and soothingly shameless in your desire to help every faceless stranger reclaim his life. what is going to also help me retain this quit is also the big big fact that more than me i found that you girls took care of the quit. i drove into this town by mistake with a just born baby. you nourished the quit from when it was a weakling and turned it into a big hulk and handed him back to me. why would i relapse now? i have the hulk to beat the craves now. when did i last feel one?. lol, tragic - i do not even remember. over a day or more for sure. all superheros do not wear capes and fly in the skies. they lurk in the shadows and fill up the lost, weak and beaten down folks with hope, with strength and so much energy, so much radiance. you are the Supergirls. a big bunch and each one of you deserves a big heart felt gratitude. i made up images of each one of you. every one is a Greek Goddess in my mind now. you will each always be that forever. am i on a quit?. No, i am on a journey to reclaim all that i discarded eons ago. i reclaimed the power of smell, i can feel the magic of breathing freely, i am no longer a slave. its like a magical journey. what i love about most is that i never for once let anger, frustration, hopelessness or any negative emotion even touch me . do you know why? because i stole so much positive energy from you sazerac that it repulsed the negativity away. so thank you for everything. for the selfless service to humankind you carry on doing day and night. you truly are HERO's - Supergirls. a big thank you and shout out to your gang. MAy your tribe reign forever and flourish. come on - i am not emotional, i am a toughie, a sailor. ok, you melt my heart and soul with your true care for others.i am out, got to eat some cookies maybe. sailors are tough boys, sailors are tough boys. lol. thank you sazerac - for being there and for all that i may not be aware of too. mother nature would be so proud of you.

3

2 ready to win again boys !!!!

thank you my guardian angel, you are the wind beneath these wings. the way you guys pumped me up made me feel invincible and that scared the living day lights out of the smokey doodle. is it so simple to quit. or is this like one of those horror movies with a unexpected twist?. it feels llike such a shame for i lived in fear of a quit for so long. or was it that some fuse in my brain gave way and the light that that says - enough is enough lit up?. whatever i am so glad i googled and clicked this link best decision of my life. the icing on the cake was that i traded today. i was scared that if o began trading i would feel the craves. viola, another lie, lol. i traded so much better as i had no need to close the trade quick and rach out for a puff to celebrate the profit or whine away the loss. i feel more focused and the million dollar gift is this realization - i am a dog in disguise or a superhuman now with the power to smell anything, lol. trust me angel - when you stated the smell truth - it is so sad that no words can ever explain how it feels. superpower like to be honest. if excitement could grow a tail - i would have three by now, lol. the best things in life are free - never knew it was true - untill NOW. thank you all for the help you gave so selflessly and continue to do so. Even the thought of this quit ever losing is getting impossible to even conjour in my darkest illusions. i have the power - I am D-O-G-G-Y (lol, pardon the excess but the smells ?? wow !! )

day 6 in progress kind of an insignificant day so far. i did not cough today, not even the light kind of cough. did not really feel any crave that registered so i may or may not have had craves and if i did they were really insignificant and i did not even feel them. i feel a bit hungrier and thirstier than usual. what i have done today is that if my body feels like a steaming cup of black coffee i drink milk instead. the game is to deny my mind or body or whoever is calling the shots to realize that they are no longer in command. doing this so that tomorrow in the open world these guys are so well trained by then and that they dare not step out of line. i do not know if its right but i want the body to realize that there are no more free lunches. you want this , do that for me - plain and simple. so far so good. any urge to smoke - an emphatic NO. any disgust at the thought of smoking - a big affirmative - YES. overall like i said - a non descriptive day really and on seconds thoughts - the easiest day of my quit so far. looking forward to the slaughter of my first week ever smoke free. that will feel huge.

NOPE !!!!!!

15

paul, yes. you put it so right. the only way to drag oneself is forward and what is done cannot be undone. and yes, for once i realize that knowledge IS power. as kids we would wear these capes and play superheros. before the superhero turned up for a rescue we would have to hold the cape in one hand and punch a fist in the air above our heads and scream - i' i have the power' and as kids we believed that the power flowed into us if we did these actions in the right order. funny how i lost the power after i grew up. Where is my cape? , i need to rescue a weakling from the clutches of a demon, lol.

thank you for being my gaurdian angel and for infecting me with your positive vibes. i love the secret you let out - ' - Oxygen is my 'high'. Always available and beautiful deep breaths ignite my endorphins. Oxygen's happy high'. to be honest i never knew these sticks were this damaging. this is not just scary but criminal - the fact that we destroyed ourselves so willingly. wish i had dropped here or bumped into you sooner. thank you for the strength. like an ad-line for an suv goes - 're-claim your life'... that is so apt for smokers. it is horrifying now that you give me a peek at what is going on behind the scenes.

jut woke up, no cough to welcome me when i wake up. no need to create a fog and a big smelly cloud around me. things do feel so different and although i detest change, this is a change i am basking in. symptoms on day 5: (these are perfect cold turkey conditions so when the situation normalizes results for me would differ) not aware of any crave so far at least - maybe would have been 1 at the most. maybe because i cannot recall any. did not feel any episode of craving consciously but then i spent time on movies / songs. would have played magician and at least a carton, no more than 20 packs (1 pack = 20 sticks each) would have disappeared in the same circumstances if i had been my old self. no anger, no excitement, nothing - just a sober, soft me all day. feeling a lot more thirstier than i normally did. but i am avoiding alcohol too. no reason to - it is just that i have never been drunk unless i smoked. first i thought i should try something new - drink minus smokes. then i decided to do something newer and much better - drink milk and poured the whisky down the sink. i must be going crazy really. but i like this new crazy, lol. did not even think of the smokes in the control station (toilet, lol). body said - smoke or no work. i simply said ok, zipped up and walked out. made myself a steaming mug of hot milk, poured in a good scoop of coffee and although the union did offer some resistance for a good long while - they have finally given in. so that is a big victory and now the body is shit scared literally and the body town laced with potent fear of this new bully. the bowel gang trashing sent such a huge message to the rest of the wannabe's that they are not to mess with this psycho. i never enjoyed playing hard and bad ass so much. i am the new sheriff in town. body mafia - we have problems, this new sheriff is crazy, a mad man main battered unions - true, he destroyed the chemical poison yards secondary battered union - hey, this guy even stopped the poison rivers (read that as booze) he is dangerous. scared as hell unions - he has also stopped giving us the meats, i feel so weak already. mafia council - shut up all. let us... a deep voice - hello you guys. mafia - scoot, run for your lives, do not let the sheriff catch you here. lol, strange after effects, ignore this post as delusional if need be. just wanted to thank so many folks out here - jillar, sazerrac, doreensfree, angeleek, darcy, boo, johhny 5 and so many others.

sleep, post something on the forum, watch movie, go to sleep. eat. sleep. Then after a while - repeat. seems like a perfect getaway / break. it nearly is - except for one reason. - this lockdown. hope things get better soon for everyone everywhere. just a while back woke up after a nap and coughed lightly after waking up. light in the sense that the guy next seat on a flight too would hardly notice unless he was wide awake. but the one thing i noticed was dark brown or near black but not black - phlegm. strange - never seen such a dark shade ever before. funny in a way because i suddenly feel like someone has added a new windpipe in my throat since i woke up today. i am smiling for no reason. is it not so wondrous to just sit down and breathe - to breathe so freely?. the resolve to remain smoke free is turning into a strong NEED from a distant want just a few days back. i thought smoking was good. some said smoking was bad. we were both wrong. smoking is nothing but plain - STUPID. our bodies are Eco-Freindly. we are meant to be re-recyclable. but if we add these stupid chemicals to our system we even refrain from that one small and possibly only contribution to mother nature.(at least true of the idiots like me) smoking gives me a HIGH - lol, how can something that downgrades your system do that ever? so delete the smoke virus and re-boot your system - try the new version of life with the new upgrades minus the smoke virus for a year. .if not fun you can go back to life plus smoke virus anytime. find a drug that can give you a high and keep you stoned forever - is there one? - yes, it is available on the shelf in your soul and free to pick out anytime. see the zephyr, smell the waters, feel the forest - that is 'permabliss'. remain stoned forever - but on stuff that not just give you a high but enhance you in some real way too. get so stoned on pure bliss that anyone just being around you feels like turning into an addict, lol. will i lose this quit now - never. it is not ego but common sense. i glorified smoking to be an friend, an ex and what not. now i see it as just for what it truly is - a chemical stick. a chemical factory. a chemical dump yard. nothing has changed - just that i do not see a guinea pig starting back at me in the mirror today. i see a dumb guy, not too bright but not stupid either. that is all it takes to quit smoking forever - just stop being STUPID. take care folks - just the after hazy effects of 4 days of true freedom.

9

hello darcy, glad to know that your quit is going great as well. off topic i know in a way but.... an elephant calf is chained to keep it in place but when the same calf blossoms into a huge elephant the chain is replaced with a simple rope that is used to tie him up to the same place. the elephant is easily capable of breaking the chain, forget the rope. but - here is the sad part. it never breaks free.. why - because it has this mental picture that as a kid/calf i tried to break the chain and could not so it believes and KNOWS that it never can. we were akin to the elephant. we tried to break free before but now we have conditioned our mind to the lie that we are incapable of doing so. truth is - we are not elephants - we realize this truth now and we are breaking free and doing it forever. it is easy, far easier than we ever imagined. you know why we will never relapse - because we have made a decision - NOPE. and we as landlubbers do not change our decisions - never, ever. take care and keep growing stronger.

yes, that is so true - one day at a time. you put it scarily right - 'Our brains can sometimes be are worst enemies'..... at sea we use an APEM to plan a sea/ocean passage. Appraisal (collecting of information), Planning (defining the plan - route to take, contingency triggers and actions etc), Execution (putting the plan into action in short) and finally Monitoring (following/tracking the plan and making amendments as per the prevailing circumstances and conditions) lol, similar kind of approach to this quit too. the challenge is tough as hell but we are sailors - well before we take command are trained, ingrained and are taught to stick to a decision once made - right or wrong is irrelevant. never walk back on a decision is the magic word. NOPE is the decision here and i must assume command of the vessel from the devil, lol. maybe somewhere it is this mind game where i seem to have the edge now - i do not WANT to quit, i NEED to quit. in a corner of my soul i do not even have this need anymore because i feel i HAVE quit. That is what is making me feel invincible and leading me on in this darkness. and so many wondrous folks here including yourself are shining the torches down and illuminating the path. that is the bigger edge. it is easy to quit and each minute of quit makes the path back seem more difficult - that is the latest self hypnosis /programming on right now. it would be so much easier as soon as that is embedded in the darkest recess of the mind. what did i just type?. lol, just ignore it if it makes no sense. it did make sense to me when i was typing but not sure it will if i read it before posting so i will post the raw draft without a read or draft check. thank you for being around and shining the light.

hi Goddess of energy, i was a bit shaken up so thank you for the clarification. so far so good. i have not been under any serious duress so far. best way i feel to cope up with a break up is Not to keep looking at pictures of the ex and reading her letters. is that similar to reading the effects and evils of smoking - maybe not but it is not too far off in my opinion. just ignore the thoughts and let old memories lie in peace for a whille - till the bleeding stops at least. day 6 as far as i know will not be tougher than day 1. the start is always the toughest. nothing ever beats that. if that could not kill me - if four days have not killed me i must be stronger than i was on day 1 at least. i just do not feel the NEED to smoke anymore. these four days have proved that the smoking was never a NEED. i smile, i laugh, i cry and i do everything i used to. right now i do not even WANT to smoke anymore but that may change. after all whenever i see my ex of 30 odd years - face to face the next time there are bound to be some feelings.. But would i risk breaking hearts again knowingly - no, never. last time i was in love. now i am NOT. so the WANT to smoke feeling will slowly fade out and die out eventually. the biggest challenge is the habit, the instinct, the raw reaction to a cut on my shin, the reaching out into the glove box on a red light, the first reaction after i turn up the volume on my favorite song and a million other scenarios - reaching out and lighting up out of instinct that will have to be controlled. mentally i have begun to head over the thin red line towards the smoke-free zone. it is far but so far i have handled myself with dignity. day four is almost through and i am still alive. Now, that is a revelation and a miracle i never believed in.