darcy

Appreciate every one of you. Will be back. Having trouble fighting for my life. Lots of crap and lies stuck in my head. Feeling i dont deserve support, its too late, etc. Perpetual withdrawal...not so smart. Sad and despondent.

Blew it. Cant think. Thrashing about mentally and emotionally. Why bother, will likely die a horrid death anyway. Will try again. Again, why bother? Seems i have some reasons: For love, better health, mkney, being who i want to be etc. Yet I threw away an easy 24hours....too sick to do anything. Please dont give up on me. I need someone to believe even if it isnt me.

Thank you everyone for welcoming me back. Very glad to be here. I am healing from pneumonia as well as having quit smoking. Everything hurts. Hoping for sleep today. Mostly just lay about yesterday.

Nope

Yay. 20 hours smoke free.

Hello, Eleven hours into freedom. Going back to bed.

Hello Quit Train People, Letting you know I will be seated when I get up tomorrow. Long time to find my way back. Glad I'm willing to do this. Not feeling confident, but again, the only right time to quit is now. Life's been bumpy. I'm depleted and scared. Glad you're all here...and me, too almost. Plan for tomorrow: Sleep.as late as possible Nope thread Read and hydrate Just not smoke, breathe Best regards, Darcy

lost my seat. Just letting you all know. plan to keep trying. I don't feel like like I can accept the support if I am hokey pokey, will lurk about and cheer you all on . Best wishes. I do hope to be here contributing and an exsmoker sooner than later.

still seated. much to say. hopefully I'll be able to log on and type later. thanks for your support.

Hello Fabulous Quitters, I am seated again. It has been over 24 hours smoke free at this point. 10:57a.m. 4/16/2023 (for when I do feel I can make a ticker , again.) I won't be making a ticker for awhile, as I don't trust myself to remain quit. I REALLY profoundly appreciate the support and words and perspectives on this forum. I am not sure I will EVER BE FREE permanently. I seem to have brief success then (here's the straw, Brioski) encounter some deeply painful event and choose to hurt myself. Sad and deeply disturbing on many levels , yet, I am used to BEing who I am. In my best version of me, I feel confident and able. In my cynical and defeated version, I feel nothing and just want to keep feeling nothing. Yes, read and re-read. Always an opportunity to see from another perspective or from where you stand in the moment. Thought lots about why I did not post my feelings of wobble ON the S.O.S. board.... keep telling myself that I wasn't (literallly) in a place to stay on the board. Falling all over myself in gratitude that this train is open no matter how many times you get off. Though it has me crying to realize that if I'd stuck with it the first time I sat down it'd be close to a decade free. Here I am, day 2, again. Never quit quitting, right, Fighting for my life here, really....though some how some where I get the message I am not worth it. Trying to record over that playing in my head. TMI Hope I can ride along in peace.

Thanks for all your support and kindness. Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated. Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

Hello Fellow Quit Train Riders, This should be in the S.O.S. section. The support you offer is amazing. Thanks for all you have given to me. I understand that I will only make everything more difficult by smoking. I am hurting so badly that I just don't care. Been in this space for going on 16 hours. Sleep didn't help. I get that it is a terrible choice and that things will change. eventually. For the forseeable future I just need to feel as bad about myself as I do about the situations I am responding/REACTing to.....for whatever self punishment or loathing that demosnstrates. To Brioksi and Molly....STAY SEATED....nothing is worth giving up your quit to live the life you desire. Like Mac says, believe in yourself.

Cranberry

Wren flew by

zygote