Why I lost my last quit.
I decided somewhere along the line I could just have one!!! This was about 7 months in. The thought that became the demise was that somehow my body and actual being had changed from all the years of smoking, smoking is who I am and that maybe my DNA had somehow changed over the years and nicotine has to be part of my life, no choice..... The addiction found my weak spot. Still stayed quit but the "battle" became so much worse for a considerable amount of time until I finally caved. It was horrible how the thoughts became so constant from that moment forward. My addictive excuse of the above and finally having some serious life stress issues destroyed my quit with the ONE.
One worked for a while but then as I lied to myself, and everyone, I started closet smoking. Day by day there was more reasons to hide and have one, then of course the disease of this nasty addiction took totally over. The thought that I failed anyway, who am I kidding, everyone obviously knows so I might as well become a full time smoker "FOR NOW"! Always believing I could just quit again! So back to a full- blown addiction and considerably a worse smoker than I was before.
Like snapping your fingers, the years flew by.
I believe once you decide that you failed, the addiction just tells you that you might as well smoke it up and that one day when you quit again .......... "THEN" you will have satisfied the craving's and this will make it easier to start the WAR again.
WAR, that's a hell of a concept, and when the WAR starts the battle is on, there are many battles in a war but always remember the battles can be won and the more battles you win the closer you are to winning the war.. The shame is as the "SMOKE" clears there is no reason to do battle and no reason to be caught up in the war realizing our own minds are creating the addiction because of the addition of nicotine.
There is no magic that you are the only one that ever had these thoughts and that you are somehow different, and the struggle is somehow harder for you. This is all the addiction working on your own mind and who knows you better!!!
Cheers and keep it happy!
