Genecanuck

Freddie Mercury RIP https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Mercury

Feeling normal not smoking with a smoking partner Yes, thats right, you read that statement correctly. Last night I had a really nice evening with hubby. We had friends over, and yes, hubby and friends went out on the deck for their ususal smoke breaks. And I stayed in the house and kept myself busy reading while they were smoking. And I also felt totally normal and ok with not being with them. Hubby was even bragging with his friends about how proud he was of my quit. I know this sounds ironic but its true. And hubby also started thinking out loud that maybe he would one day join me and stop smoking. I won't hold my breath. This is my quit. We are going to a wedding this weekend. And I am going to a celebration of life.... both emotionally charged events. But my plan is to keep the quit.

Good morning, Here is another gem from Dan1 in Quitnet. Dan is reminding people to examine their values related to smoking. You know those values and beliefs that all tobacco advertisers drilled into our heads into our heads in the 50s, 60s and 70's. Women might remember, "You've come a long way baby". Women were also told by the tobacco industry that they should smoke to "believe in themselves" and that smoking was their pathway to "freedom". There was also the slogan "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should". Or men were told that Camel was "ever inch a man's smoke". I mention this tobacco industry propaganda because they understood that if they could convice people to re-align actions like smoking to a set of pleasurable values, we would all get hooked on smoking. AND IT WORKED. Dan1 is reminding us that we also have the power to reset those values. In his words, "A cigarette is not capable of making us think, feel, or experience a single thing". Keep the quit. If you struggle, there is one simple reason: You believe that smoking provides you with something you want or need - Why is this so hard? Dan1 (Quitnet, 2007) It's a question worth asking, and I'm convinced that the usual answers aren't good enough. After all, continuing to smoke is easy - just ask anyone here. And being free of smoking is even easier - just ask anyone who's made it, or anyone who's never smoked, or simply consult your own common sense. So why is the path from 'easy' to 'easier' so hard? Maybe you're taking the wrong path. And no, I'm not engaging in the senseless debate about Cold Turkey vs meds. That has an answer as individual as your personality. How you answer that question is in no way related to how someone else did or should answer it. No, the wrong path is in thinking of this as a battle of will. It simply is not, and making it seem like one is the only thing that makes this difficult. “Will” can only do one thing: follow your own pre-existing values. You can use it to smoke or to not smoke with equal ease. The thing that you can't do for long is turn it against you - to make yourself act against your own self interests. If you struggle, there is one simple reason: You believe that smoking provides you with something you want or need - in short, you value smoking. When you struggle to not smoke, all you are doing is asking your will to act against your values. That is a source of tremendous stress and anxiety, and those in turn cause all of the 'quit symptoms' that make this so hellish. Every failed quit is simply willpower finding it's triumph - by re-aligning your actions to your values. In this state of affairs, smoking is a victory of the will, not a failure, No wonder we find that it feels so good. But it doesn't have to be this way. Instead of fighting against the thought to smoke, get to know it a little. Find out where it came from, what it's real purpose is. Your body and brain don't want to smoke - but they may desire some change that you incorrectly believe smoking can give. A cigarette is not capable of making us think, feel, or experience a single thing, other than a bit of nausea and a somewhat elevated heartbeat. It can't make us happy, contented, or relaxed. All these other things (and a thousand others) are strictly a question of the interpretation of that otherwise meaningless event. But by believing the myth that cigarettes have the power to change our thoughts, fears, wishes, or circumstances, we run from something that we needn't fear, and strengthen the very notions that have us reaching again and again for that little white tube of death. 21 months ago, I quit smoking with the assumption that I would smoke again. It was not that I wanted to, planned to, or thought I would need to. Instead, it was a confidence in my ability to be stupid. I simply assumed that sooner or later I would screw up. This turned out to be a great benefit. Instead of growing tense over an impossibly high-seeming perfection, I could instead think about how to prevent the inevitable stumble from turning into a fall. And on that path I found a signpost to freedom: That the "stumble" wasn't in actually smoking, but in thinking positively about smoking. The "fall" wasn't smoking the pack, not even taking a puff. The "fall" was in holding on to incorrect values. Smoking was simply the most obvious external sign that my beliefs were screwed up. At that point, it could hardly matter if I smoked or not - fighting was in itself a failure. That might sound like I'm setting the bar even higher than not smoking - that you're somehow not allowed to even think of smoking. But that's exactly wrong. I'm inviting you instead to think deeply about smoking, about what it means to you, about why you believe these things that the vast majority of the world can't even understand. Each thought of smoking becomes an opportunity to understand how and where your beliefs and values are wrong, and to realign them to your greater truth - that you do not want to smoke. That's why you started this journey, isn't it? Now, changing beliefs isn't easy, but it's not hard, either. Mostly, it just takes time. And you have plenty of time. Instead of spending time fighting with yourself, spend it understanding that the very thing you are fighting over is a mistake, an error. Suddenly, the fight is gone. Yes, it's still annoying listening to that endless 'wanna smoke?' mental drumbeat. But that fades as the belief that 'smoking helps' fades. And yes, you will from time to time experience symptoms. But as long as you recognize that quitting didn't cause them (at least, not in the sense of 'needing' nicotine) and that smoking has no way to help them (that power resides only in you, and always did), they will pass, and there will be no struggle. Yes, it can be hard. But it doesn't have to be. If you find too much 'hard' between 'easy' and 'easier', check your map. Either you've made a wrong turn, or you're using the wrong map. Dan. 640 days (21 months) smoke free. 12798 cigarettes not smoked. $2,240.00 and 3 months, 7 days, 18 hours of your life saved. "Life is either a great adventure, or it is nothing."

Thank you @Reciprocity Truth

Thank you @jillar This post is brilliant. I'm saving it in my personal library. Many thanks!

Thank you so much for helping me figure out how to set this up @QuittingGirl

Good morning, I decided to re-read this gem from Dan1 (Quitnet) today. I think I am going to re-word the title of his post and call it: No More Battle Stress No more battle stress because fighting the stress cauased by not smoking creates more stress. If we do not mentally resist the waves and figure out nicotine just screwed up the reward system in our brain, then it is no longer a battle or a fight. What we resist, will persist. Instead of fleeing, we can just flow. Keep the quit! I WAS WRONG! From danl1 on 3/12/2004 10:21:00 AM I was wrong. That does it. That is the secret to quitting this nasty thing forever. Park the egos at the door and be willing to recognize that nicotine's effects on our brains duped us. Played us for the fool. Made us the rubes. Smoking did not ever help us, never gave us a single good thing. All it ever did was flip the 'ooh, that was good' switch deep inside our brains, without ever bothering to actually give us anything good. Our goofball minds just connected the dots in the wrong way, and gave smokes credit for things they didn't do. Once we understand that we've been had, we've got the tools needed to make this thing really start to happen. If there's a 'craving', it suddenly breaks in half. Half is a minor physical or mental discomfort that will be gone in a few moments. Sucks, but oh well. The other half is a thought that smoking would somehow improve the situation that smoking had caused. Oops! Error in the brain! We know it's an error, just toss it aside. Have an 'urge', thinking, "gee, a smoke would be nice" Bzrzrzrzrttt! Wrong! Another small wiring problem - hang on - there, it's fixed. In no time, it gets funny, totaling up all the screw-ups the brain has accumulated. See? There's nothing to fear. Nothing to fear, so nothing to fight. Nothing to fight, so much less stress. Less stress, so greatly reduced symptoms. Less symptoms, so less cravings. Less cravings, so less deal with. And as we build our success, we start firing off that 'reward' switch honestly, and the brain begins to learn proper lessons. The lies are erased. We get to decide if this thing spirals up, or spirals down. The only difference is the willingness to acknowledge... I was wrong. About everything I ever believed about the 'good' parts of smoking, and about their power over me. And strength, and willpower, and fighting? Not a thing to do with success. For most folks, they get in the way of success, by having them believe there is something to fight, by causing 'battle-stress' and a sort of fatigue that only leaves folks 'craving' all the more. Once I stopped fighting long enough to realize that the craving was only a lie I was telling myself, a tiny error in my brain, there was suddenly nothing left to fight.

Thank you @Doreensfree In a way, it did not feel like a battle but rather just decided not to resist the crave wave and let it go. What popped into my mind is an ism.... "What you resist, will persisit". I decided to not resist or fight the craves and just let them flow! Many thanks for your support. It does mean a lot.

Thank you @DenaliBlues.

NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... Smoke free for 9 Days

Many thanks @QuittingGirl

Hello everyone, Well hubby came home yesterday, and we invited another friend over for dinner. Hubby and his friend were both smokers. I had a few drinks and yes, was experiencing a major craving. I really wanted to go out on the balcony with them and smoke. But I chose not to do that and stayed inside and read the news. There are two craving situations that I dealt with last night. I used to smoke big time when I had a few drinks. Years ago, I learned to be ok with drinking and not smoking, but this took time. I had to live through a few major cravings to break that smoking-drinking association. The second craving I dealt with last night was living through and experiencing not smoking with hubby and his friend during a relaxing and fun social situation. I chose to stay inside while they went out to smoke. I know that in the past, I have been able to be ok sitting beside smokers and not smoking. And I know that I will be able to do this again without experiencing a craving for cigarettes. As long as I no longer indulge in smoking, that craving situation will go away. I can't put my head in the sand and expect the world or smokers to go away just because I decided to be a nonsmoker. This is my quit and I am doing this for me. Keep the quit!

Yes, thank you @Doreensfree Smoke free for 9 Days

Herer is another favourite post from Dan1, someone that became a mentor for me on Quitnet many years ago. He was celebrating a 9 month quit. The Story of a Full-Term Quit - The Chain Dan1: March 24, 2007 (9 month ramble) Starting in my youth, and working across the decades, I forged a chain, and anchored it to the wall of my cell. No one made me do it; dungeon cells simply aren’t fashionable without chains. One day, I decided to see what was beyond the walls of the dungeon. Part I remembered from youth, part I heard from others, but I knew there was a life outside, and I was sure it had to be brighter than the haze I knew here. I knew I must either become free, or die in this wretched place. If I was going to be free, I knew I would have to break the chain, and I was afraid I might not be equal to the task. But until I really pulled against it, I never realized how strong I had made it. I put my back, my arms, my legs into the effort; the harder I pulled, the more it hurt; but the chain never budged. Every effort I could manage, over and over again. I cried, I screamed, I groaned against it; I couldn’t even bend a link. I looked at it’s fastening to the wall - perhaps there was a tool I could use against the anchor. But the only tools I could find would not fit this nut. I called out for help. Other prisoners called back - They couldn’t come help me pull, for they were busy with their own chains, but we were always there for one another with shouts of encouragement and advice. Once in a while, someone who had become free would shout over the walls, but once free, most never returned to the cells. Occasionally, someone would break loose, only to be recaptured by our common enemy. Some prisoners came to believe that it was impossible to ever be truly free; still, they pulled bravely at their chains, hoping to stretch them a little. `Pull Harder!` `Never quit pulling!` `You made the chain, you can break it!` my comrades yelled. We cheered together each time there was the slightest bend in any chain; cried together whenever someone stumbled in exhaustion. After so much work and so little gain, I no longer had the strength, the will to pull. Still, I could not escape the dream of making it to that other, brighter world. There had to be another way. Just then, it happened. Someone on the way out, someone who had found his freedom, whispered to me. `Your hands` was all I managed to hear, and he was gone. I scarcely knew what to make of it. I searched. I read. I looked everywhere for the secret. How could my hands have the solution? There was no way I could ever grow them to be strong enough to break the chain. Days later, I did what should have been obvious: I looked at my bruised, bloody, beaten hands. Wrapped inside of them was my chain. All these years, all this turmoil - how could I not have noticed? Day 10. The day I saw the chain in my hands. It wasn’t holding on to me; I was holding on to it. All that was ever necessary to claim my freedom was to drop the chain and walk away. Yes, it took a while for the wounds to heal, the bruises to clear, the pains to go away. Sometimes when it’s cold, I can still feel a distant ache in my hands. But I will never again pick up that chain. There is no reason, no temptation, no urge to do that ever again. It is a chain I don’t want attached to an anchor I don’t need, in a cell no longer mine. I’m still not sure why I ever made that chain. A simple story, really. How I forged my chain, hardening it in fires of smouldering tobacco. How I struggled to break the chain, and how the struggle made me weak, but did nothing to the chain. The story of finding that strength of the chain wasn’t the problem, that my own weakness was irrelevant. Only my belief in its power held me; only by refusing to let go was I enslaved. A simple story, but nine months later, I’m still not done telling it. Then again, maybe I am. Look at your hands. Why are you still fighting? Why are you still holding on?

Thank you @Gus This is so true. Relapse begins with a thought. I can have one. Or often for me, it is a vision in my head of smoking. Not even a conscious thought. The story line movie starts running. Then the psychological story line starts triggering a physical craving. Now those nero-associations and brain receptors wanting nicotine that were dormant (nicotine receptors) in certain situations (read, having fun, after sex, with a loved one, writing term papers, pick your situation) come alive and the brain starts to fire off those nicotine desire chemicals, triggering a real physical reaction. Then that voice in your head screams; it wants to smoke!! All successful quits are about interrupting this Nero-chemical process and re-writing the Nero-pathways in the brain. If you never feed the brain nicotine, they do go away. Many years ago, I associated smoking with writing term papers when I was in University. I would smoke like a chimney until the paper was done and then feel really sick afterwards. Then I dreaded having to write a paper when I quit smoking. I just decided that I would live through and survive writing a bad paper if I had to because my quit and health was more important. Guess what? I learned to write again, WITHOUT SMOKING. And the desire to smoke while writing went away. This was concrete evidence for me that if I could survive cravings while writing and I could survive and overcome any craving and remain smoke free. Keep the quit!

Ray Parker Jr.

Hi again, Smoking is a choice. We either keep our quit or we jump back on the serial quitting treadmill. NOPE Gene RE: A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse From Gym_Genecanuck on 2/27/2006 2:28:29 PM The Bare Facts About Relapse From joyinca Nicotine Users Are Drug Addicts, And Therefore Are Subject To All Of The Rules Of Drug Addiction The very first cigarette you smoked started you down the road to addiction. You arrived without knowing where you were going. Now you know. You have joined the millions of nicotine users who are and will always be drug addicts. There is no changing this fact, and the only thing you can do now is to learn to control your response to your addictive impulses. Luckily learning to be a quitter can be done, as attested to by the millions of people that have gained their Independence from smoking. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions. Relapse Won't Happen Unless You Put Nicotine Into Your Body Once you have become a quitter you begin to condition yourself to being an ex-smoker. Each hour and day brings you closer to total comfort. But first you must learn to function in situations that would have formerly called for smoking. After getting through the initial few days, and getting the nicotine out of your system, you may begin to worry that after all of this effort you might end up relapsing. There is only one way that you can possibly relapse, and you have complete control over it. As long as you keep in mind that you are a nicotine addict, subject to the laws of addiction, and that you can never put nicotine into your system again, and therefore do not take a puff, you will not relapse. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions. Relapse is the result of awakening your addiction While you are learning to be an ex-smoker you may find yourself thinking that you must have a cigarette to cope with x, y, or z. When you find yourself thinking this way you are having a bad case of Junkie Thinking. If you act on thoughts like this and start puffing, you have stepped onto the slippery slope of relapse. If you don't act on your junkie thoughts, but instead turn your focus to other things, notably your reasons for quitting, then you won't relapse. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions Relapse Will Happen If You Don't Acknowledge and Respect Your Addiction You must come to terms with the fact that you are a drug (nicotine) addict, and therefore as subject to the rules of addiction as any other type of drug addict. One puff is all it will take to put you back into the control of Ole Nic. The only way that you can keep your Independence is by admitting to the certainty that one puff will result in total relapse . This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions. Relapse Means Having To Start Over From The Beginning Once you awaken your addiction you loose all of the ground that you gained. You must begin again, that is if you are even able to bring yourself to do so. Most quitters that relapse spend months or years trying to get themselves to quit again. Some quitters that relapse are never able to try again, and die as smokers, plus frequently they die early because of their inability to break away from smoking. This rule is absolute, and there are no exceptions.

Good morning, Well, I have had some ups and downs emotionally this past week but I am keeping my quit. Tonight, hubby is coming home. He has been working out of town all week. Now I know he will be smoking. He goes out on the deck and does not smoke in the house. Thank goodness! But I have to remind myself today that this is my quit. There is no such thing as just one. We all know that. I know that. One always leads to another. I am keeping my quit today. Many thanks everyone for all the support. Gene

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I have NEVER slipped , Quitnet Repost, November 11, 2006 Good morning, We never just have one. Today I committ to getting off the treadmill of being a serial quitter. Here is another gem from Quitnet. Keep the quit! Gene Smoke free for 8 Days REPOST: I have NEVER slipped written by Feziwig on 11/28/2006 9:40:17 AM I have never slipped. Not once. I have never had just one. I have never smoked a cigarette and then gotten right back on the horse. I have never, ever slipped. I have completely and fully relapsed. I have had one that led to two that led to three that led to months and months of full time, take over my life, smoking. It may have been that one cigarette on a Friday night out with friends that felt so good after so long. Perhaps it was the one the next day because after all, if I had one on Friday and was fine, then I could certainly just have one on Saturday... and then it's Sunday and you know what? I'll quit on Monday... and now it's Monday and I may as well finish the pack.... and the next thing I know it's three months later and I'm always quitting tomorrow. I have never ever slipped. I have never had just one. Ever. I'm writing this for the newbies here. There will be an occasional post from someone writing that they have slipped and had one or two cigarettes but have gotten back on track. People will reply to them that it's okay and to just keep on trying to quit. That's the right thing to do. We need encouragement here. And for the people who have slipped and come back to try again, kudos. However, for a newbie it may seem that slipping is almost accepted, that it's something that happens often and that it's okay. A newbie may get the impression that it may even be easy to slip and come back. It is not. It is not by a long shot. In fact, it is probably harder. If you feel like you can have just one and then come back and try again, please remember me. Remember that I have never, not once slipped. Remember that even when I thought I could just have one, even when I was sure that I could just have one, even when I knew that I could just have one, I have always, always, always relapsed. I have always gone right back to where I was before I quit and it takes no time at all to get there. Like I said, I have never ever slipped. Claire

Do you know him?, Quitnet Repost, 1998 from Billi Peel, on another site in 1998 Hi Everyone, My name is Nicotine. This is my story. For many years no one knew I was a killer. I am very cunning, while looking so innocent. I am dressed in a white wrapper. I think my shape is great. I am long, slender and easy to hold. This is great for the 90's image. I've come a long way baby. Billions of dollars have been spent to keep me looking good. My favorable image is an illusion. My addictive power is reality. My advertising team has worked very hard to continue to present me as a positive influence in daily life. I have been showcased as making men strong, sexy, and full of life. I have been packaged to make women think they are sexy, daring, and provocative. It took longer to get the women to use me, but in time I won them over. I am a liar. I tell you that you can enjoy and be more comfortable in every situation if you use. I am always there for you when you are bored, nervous, or upset. I will tell you how cool you appear while you smoke me, how good I taste. I especially like to tell younger folks how much I can do for them. I lie. I have some friends and associates: Caffeine, Alcohol, cough medicine, and Mouthwash. I make money for a lot of other industries, beyond the tobacco folks. Doctors love me too. Now caffeine, alcohol, and I go way back. We have worked together on almost everyone. You may think you can get rid of us, but we will make your life miserable if you try. I will cause people to leave their homes in the middle of the night in search of me. I am powerful once I have you. I will require a lot of your time. I need to have ashtrays and lighters. I make a mess as my ashes drop on your carpet, car seat, furniture, and loved ones. It delights me to see the little burn marks in your expensive clothes, furniture, counter tops, and carpets. Did I mention how awful I smell? I have a particular aroma that will linger in your hair, clothes, and your furniture. I can turn your car into an ashtray. I will mark you. I am an addiction. I tried for a long time not to let this secret get out. It was bad enough when people said I was a nasty habit. Now everyone knows I am an addiction. Once I get in your grasps, you cannot easily put me down. If you try I will make your stomach crawl, I will give you bad headaches, the shakes, and make you nervous. Once you are addicted to me I own you. I have no conscience. Loyalty is important to everyone. I certainly enjoy your loyalty to me. Do not ever be confused that you have mine. I will have you standing outside in the rain or bitter cold for a few precious puffs while others enjoy the comforts of staying indoors. I am demanding. You will walk away from loved ones to get your fix. You will try to hold babies in one hand while grasping me in the other. I will make you uncomfortable with people who do not smoke. I am a killer. I will take your breath away. I will eat your lungs. I will render you voiceless. I will cause you bad sinus problems. I will embarrass you with the ugly cough I give you. I will make you unable to walk up a flight of stairs without having a hard time breathing. I will hurt your loved ones around you who don't even use me or have a choice. My name is Nicotine. I am an addictive and powerful DRUG!!!

A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse, Quitnet Re-Post, October 16, 2013 RE: From my library: A Slip Most Often Ensures a Relapse From SilverlakeDavid on 10/16/2013 1:27:25 PM The answer to how to prevent a slip, how to prevent a relapse is simple: Never take that first puff. Simple. But if you take that first puff, simplicity is out the door. And in it's place, difficulty and unpleasantness. "I feel so guilty I smoked." "I was doing so well and now I blew it." "I can't believe I just threw away 12 months." "Why did I do this?" "Why do I keep doing this?" "I hate smoking." "I hate myself." "I hate the government for keeping cigarettes legal." "Should I quit right now or wait to finish the pack?" "Should I tell my partner or keep it a secret?" "Should I reset my gadget? (Whoa, that conversation is always crazy!) "I was so happy while I was quit, but now I can't stop smoking and I'm so disappointed." "How could this have happened?" "I want my smokefree life back." Who wants any of that? Just as Jason said, it's just not worth it...not one infinitesimal bit. I love my smokefree life, and like Loreal, I'm worth it! Good re-post Gene. David

10 Steps to Starting Again (Quitnet Repost, 12/22/1997) Many years ago, I started a journy to stop smoking and found a lot of wisdom and support at a site called Quitnet. I did have long stretches where I stopped smoking as a result of the awesome support and wisdom from this site. I did save a large library of quotes and information from this site that I like to go back to from time to time to help me keep my quit strong. I will start to share some of the wisdom of this site in this thread in the hope that it will help others in their smoke free journey., Keep the Quit. Gene REPOST: 10 Steps to Starting Again From Pic on 12/22/1997 11:58:35 PM 10 Steps to Starting Again 1. "Try" to quit (try, as opposed to "do") 2. Idealize what life will be like without smoking 3. Associate your daily problems and disappointments with the fact that you’re not smoking. 4. Begin to buy into the idea that you’re more miserable now than before you quit 5. Start responding to your problems with, "If this keeps up, I’m going to smoke" then add "anyhow" then add "so why suffer anymore?" (Alternate 3-5: 3. Associate your success with the idea that you’ve licked the nicotine habit. 4. Begin to buy into the idea that you could smoke without getting hooked again 5. Follow-up this idea with, "I haven’t smoked in ___ days/weeks/months/years" then add "I haven’t had any cravings" then add "I could have just one" ) 6. Buy, borrow or steal a cigarette. 7. Find a quiet, secluded place where you can be alone with the substance to which you have attributed all power and promise for fulfillment of your needs. 8. Feel yourself calming down even before you light up, which is actually the beast ceasing to scratch at your insides as you prepared to feed the addiction. 9. Light-up and suck in all the poison you can get in that first drag, while beginning the battle against being disappointed in yourself, noticing that this fight is not half as ferocious as it was to get the nicotine. 10. Within a few hits, feel dizzy, cough a little, smell the stink, and realize you’re not going to stop smoking that cigarette, you’ll keep smoking despite the bad feelings, and wish you hadn’t given in. I hope this scenario scares you as much as it scares me. In writing it, I drew from my personal experience and noticed some things that might be helpful in the future: A RELAPSE STARTS IN MY HEAD Steps 1-5 all have to do with how I think. IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO FULLY RELAPSE without doing some or all of 1-5. A CIGARETTE IS NOT THE ANSWER AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ONE.

Thanks @QuittingGirl I am honestly not that big of a online games person. But I will go there and check it out. And I do like cinnamon .... Thanks for your support... much appreciated