Control Freak

Thank you for this....This could totally be me. I've ridden the same roller coaster and when my mom was diagnosed with Gastric cancer I started smoking more and here I am a year and a half after her death realizing that I have to do it today. There's always an excuse, bargaining. I'm gonna be stronger this time! I will definitely come back to read this in my times of weakness.

Finished my last pack yesterday....so here goes nothing!! NOPE!

Hi all! I'm happy to be here and finally to the point where I'm ready to quit. A little background on me....I started smoking in college and continued smoking until after I got married and decided to start a family. We had 2 beautiful children and a few years ago we both started smoking again. Then came the worse year of my life. In late 2017 my husband told me he wanted a divorce after 15 years of marriage and my mom, my best friend, was diagnosed with stage IV gastric cancer. I was devastated, overwhelmed, all of the above! My mom passed July 2018 and my divorce was finalized on the same day she passed. So there I was....I had lost my best friend and now had to face the reality that I was a working single mom of 2 little ones, trying to care for them, my dad and myself. I've grown a lot in this past year. I've ridden the grieving train....hell, I drove it....and still am. Life isn't easy, but it's getting easier and I'm finally starting to plan a future. I've quit a couple times over this past year...my longest was about 2 weeks. I'm finally to the point where I'm short of breath, I've got a terrible cough and it's just not enjoyable to me anymore. I'm ready to have "the talk" with my habit and break up with it so i can move on to a healthier place in my life. So I'm hoping I can get the support I need here to get this done!!