HeatherDianne

Day 3 - UGH but I will not smoke today - not one puff

Thanks everyone ---- I have to admit I am having a REALLY hard time this morning... I am just going out of my skin - I have tried everything ( lollipop, walk, drink water) and it gets me through each minute but UGH it does not seem to have longevity today... I want a smoke ----- I won't smoke because I pledged I wouldn't and I take my word very seriously - but I have to admit I almost did not pledge today - it seems like it will be the longest day of my life...... even with NRT - my anxiety goes through the roof the first 4 weeks - triggered by getting the nicotine out of my system - the withdrawals do cause me to have crazy and often depressing thoughts... IKNOW this is not forever - but right now I feel like getting through the day is going to be a long gruelling process....

I need this right now - I am struggling this morning --- Cravings are strong and not gong away - I just started work and feel like I am coming out of my skin.... I know I have to get through each step - good and bad - but right now I am wishing I did not quit yesterday so suddenly - but I know that is the junkie inside me.... holding on to the rope.....

NOPE. I will not smoke today - I will not worry about tomorrow or next week- just today and today is a day of freedom!

@Lilley I started smoking again in March - right after hitting 5 months - I get it - I finally came back yesterday to get my head back into the quit - I was thinking I would set a date a couple weeks away - but just being back here and feeling the support from these amazing people I quit this morning- and it feels GREAT - well it feels like %&^**#$ physically- but I am happy on a level to be back to my road to freedom - Please reach out to me - these people whatever you need - together is better when conquering addiction.

@jillar You may have noticed I have posted pretty regularly today ---- all I want to do is smoke - day one - And here I am a few hours in - I relish in that... for now.... a lot of the video links are outdated - but I am watching to keep me on this path - it is the path I want to be on......

I totally understand not wanting to come here and admit you are an active junkie - I avoided it the last 2 months that I have been smoking again - But I also finally got the courage to come and admit defeat and the support and love from this group of people is amazing and I quit TODAY... I know I cannot do it alone....

As suggested by a wonderful member here are my reasons to KEEP THE QUIT here is my list for wanting to be FREE Health - the cough I have is chronic and awful - I hate it - when I was not smoking for 5 months I loved the freedom of feeling strong breaths. I miss it. I do not want to be sick and put myself and family through that. Family - My son was so proud of me when I quit I think his daily reminder was a big part of my success - I have not told him I started smoking again - but I do plan too I just want to be a couple days into my quit before I fess up - hubby is supportive - but not a real cheerleader or one to say he is proud of you. He was very disappointed when I started again. My daughter has never really said anything - but she is 15 so always a bit moody LOL Money - It is soooo expensive and I am not a couple of smokes a day - so it adds up and it also adds up in my savings account when I am not smoking. Social Life - This one is hard to admit - but the minute I hear we are going somewhere or doing something - I wonder when and where I will be able to smoke and if I can't I often avoid the function - How crazy is that? As I write it down I realize this is holding me back and affecting my friendships. Be my authentic self - when I am not smoking I feel so much better about everything - no hiding or lying - no getting worried I won't be able to smoke and hopeful - when I smoke I pretty much focus on when I will get my next cigarette. What a waste of time. Next assignment - A plan and a quit date. How do I plan to get through the first few days, weeks what will I do when the cravings are the only thing I can think of.

Great idea will do that now

I am going to go watch the Tobacco War Documentaries. I read this thread to see if I could find an answer for myself - I know a couple of things when I quit in October 2019 - After about 8 weeks - I felt good, strong and no way was I going to smoke. But I did 3 months later. I am working through this to try to ensure it does not happen again. I don't know if you will all understand this - but the constant struggle between living NOPE daily - to Living NOPE for life is a problem for me. My junkie brain constantly thinks of smoking as a solution etc. I have read enough and been quit long enough (multiple times) to know that the daily NOPE will get you through days, weeks and months - I KNOW THAT - my problem is looking too far in the future - too soon. the more time I spend on this forum I am realizing I really need to quit for a whole year - get through each season and holiday ( I made it through Christmas this past year) but I have to admit - I had some smoking troubles and not always a happy Christmas spirit - But I did make it and through New Years and I was really starting to love myself for keeping the quit - but I still threw it away. I remember the day - I DECIDED to get a pack and only have a couple a day - and we all know where that leads. I know I need support - I need to use the education and knowledge I have to WIN the battle. I have a horrible cough it was back in a couple of weeks really. and I feel gross by the end of the day. So here is the problem - I am writing all of this and reading and watching and it feels good to be in control - but the thoughts pop in - go get a pack at lunch time - or after school. BUT I WONT TODAY because I pledged I wouldn't. But I am wondering if any of you felt this way after 3, 6, 9 months - doubted yourself - I do because I have been here before... I have to figure out how to make this one different - this one stick. But for now - I will not smoke a cigarette.

Without planning it - Today is now my quit day.I will not smoke for the rest of today. I will not worry about tomorrow or next day or next week - Just for today I will not smoke.

Okay - I am jumping over there now. I will not smoke for the rest of today. I had my last 2 this morning. I will not smoke today.

I am avoiding the pledge - no smoking so far and no I did not got to store - I need to take the pledge - something is holding me back -

Thank you Paul ! I am going to do it!! I am crying as I type this because I know how hard it can be - but I do not want to smoke any more... so I am jumping over to pledge - it's ok to pledge I won't smoke for the REST of the day right?? The battle right now is telling me - you are not ready - but I am never ready - I know I have to jump in and DO WHATEVER I have to and just not smoke - the other side of me (junkie) telling me I am not ready, I didn't pick a date, I don't have my lollipops etc - I mean I could list a million reasons - deep down I know it is all %&^$$ - so why I am sitting here avoiding the pledge?

THANK YOU to everyone for your encouragement - So here is my current situation - I am sitting here drinking my coffee and I am out of cigarettes. Already thinking about getting in the car and getting some before I start work, but all of your wonderful words are telling me to just do it -today - if I do I will be the end of day 1 when I wake up in the morning I don't quite have my quit plan ready to go - but I know what works for me. I suffer from anxiety and the withdrawal of nicotine does not help ( no excuse - I also know that when I get to about a month of no smoking - my anxiety is WAY better since I am not in constant nicotine withdrawal - I used NRT last time to get through the first month - I find once I get to about 4 weeks - everything start to feel better physically and emotionally. I have everything I need to start today - so why am I going back and forth?? UGH