Roark

@Linda Thomas - She was a good girl. She deserves honest grieving and I'm working that way.

Really enjoying the smoke free life I'm putting together. Wife and I rode our bikes to the community center pool today, then rode back home. Cooked outside for both lunch and dinner. Football and baseball on the couch. Starting to really see that it's up to me to invent my new life. When you quit, you are left sitting around with a "hole" in your life. You are just waiting to smoke, and can't. But six weeks in I don't even think about smoking when I'm doing one of the "new" things. Exercise. Leaving the house. The new list of "to dos" that I've taken on. The restlessness comes on when I'm doing something I used to do. Sitting on the couch in the evening with a beer watching football. And while I totally get the whole idea of avoiding things that "trigger" you early on, I think I'm to the point where I am going to draw some lines and push through. Reclaim some parts of my life from the smoky mindset and I totally now see that involves pushing through the cravings and doing those things "smokeless" until it takes.

Thank you for the article @Sazerac

This is very true. A few days ago I thought about my dog that passed over 2 years ago. I reached for my pack of cigarettes before I even realized I had done it. They weren't there. I ended up having to pull my truck over to the side of the road. I cried for half an hour. The cigarettes helped me suppress the loss. Is that a good thing? I don't know. Maybe. The loss of that sweet dog (at 19 - she was tough) almost killed me at the time and I had a hard time holding it together. But since then I have clearly been hiding from it. That's why my hand reached out for that pack that wasn't there. I've also been dragging around a craving for days since then. And I also think a lot of the depression I have been feeling since quitting isn't about "my friend, the missing cigarettes" but about all of the issues I've repressed in the 20 years I was smoking. Guess I'll get to cry on the side of the road more. Joy. Better than smoking.

I don't remember where but I read someone suggesting that smoking dreams may actually be a physical reaction to your body (specifically, your lungs) pushing up and out some of the cigarette waste. The taste of whatever it is triggers your memory. You somewhat taste tar so your brain kicks into gear and provides the context (a smoking dream) to explain it. Because that was the last time you "sensed" whatever it is. That being said, 6.5 years later seems a bit long for the lungs to still be getting rid of smoke crud.

Thanks all. As is always the case and in line with what I've learned - today was a lot easier. It comes and goes but days like today will be more common and days like yesterday will be less. As long as I don't cave and start the whole thing over. Thanks for the insight everyone. Happy to be here.

I am having all day craves. For the second week in a row, Monday has started with me wanting to fold on the quit and I am fighting mentally for what feels like the whole day to keep from going to the store for a smoke. This Monday was easier than last week, where this went on until well into Wednesday. The good news is that the end of the week and the weekend are getting almost easy. I read a lot of the websites saying craves will come and go in minutes and that isn't the world I'm in right now. I know that seeing cigarettes as the horrible things they are is the key. Being glad I'm quit and free from the addiction - and at good times I'm all over that. Spend this weekend exercising. Swimming and also pulled my old bike back out and rode for 3 miles on Saturday (to come home gasping for air and wanting the whole "lungs coming back" thing to go faster). But in the bad times, like today, my brain just cannot accept that cigarettes are the enemy and I torture myself for the full day. I've got my eye on day 50, coming up next week. Then day 100 beyond that. Somewhere along the way these cravings will stop.

Hey everyone - I'm Roark and I'm on day 38 after quitting. This is my second quit. The first came in my late 20s after about ten years of smoking and I did it with nicotine patches. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in my late 30s and had a rough, rough time. At several points I lost up to 20 pounds in the space of a week, only to put it back on with the help of steroids. Discovered the link between smoking and UC and went back to limited smoking to help control symptoms. Have been through about five rough years of trying to get UC under control. Was facing down a pretty significant surgery when the doc finally hit the right medication that is controlling the UC by itself. And to prove that, I put the cigarettes back down because I really need to know if the meds are handling the UC without the help or if I needed to move to the surgery anyway. And 38 days in, my blood tests are better than they ever have been. The meds are working and it seems I've finally hit remission. And that's awesome. But after 38 days I am struggling with this quit in ways I never did with the first one. And I've found that reading other's stories helps me keep my eye on the ball. I'm not folding on this one, no matter what but this is one tough ride that is kicking back a lot harder than I expected.