MLMR

NOPE 🦄

Thanks @KELfor sharing your insights. Very helpful, thanks.

I’ve been thinking about this (probably way too long 😅). Not sure if it’s about being done, for me. I was done before, and yet … we all know what happened. I think addiction is never ‘done’, it’s just something that can be put to sleep, to a point where it’s hardly work anymore. Kickstarting this quit and having the non-smoking experience still very fresh in my mind probably helped me during this first week.. But today is different and it’s easy to get lost in junkie thinking. So: 👉 Back to basics 👉 Use junkie thinking to fire up inner unicorn 👉 Repeat

NOPE ❌

Saturday morning, day 7. I’m a bit uncomfortable about this week being SO easy and smooth. As if it should be a struggle for quitting to be “real”. And will that cause complacency problems later on.. etc. Decided not to spend too much time on these thoughts and just … 👉stick to the basics 👉… and repeat

*NOPE*

@Kris I’m sorry about your sleeping issues. Lack of sleep makes everything ten times worse, huh? My nights have improved drastically since I eliminated alcohol. I make 5,5 or 6 straight hours, when I’m truly lucky the occasional 7. I believe there will come a time where I hit the jackpot and 8 hours is the new normal again. 😴

Friday morning, day 6. Just woke up, sitting with coffee. All seems quite peaceful at this time of the day. I visited my (smoking) friend last night and I can smell the stench in my hair and sweater. Yuk. Somehow it reminds me of nasty hangover mornings, too sick to smoke, but doing it anyway. Gross. In January, I’ll start with a year long online philosophy course, through the School of Life. Every two weeks there’s an online lecture about topics like western/eastern/African philosophy, sociology, psychology, literature, art etc. Its possible to interact with the teachers through the chat and q&a. I’m really looking forward to this. Finally able to create some perspective and starting something new! 😊 👩‍🎓

NOPE 🔥

Thursday morning, day 5. I have a challenging day ahead of me. Doreen, you are right: back to basics. 1. Drink lots of tea. 2. Slowing down instead of rushing my way through the day. 3. Visit friend after work and take a long walk together Regarding that other thing, sobriety: 4 months and 25 days have passed. Hello! 🦄

NOPE

Wednesday morning, day 4. I’m glad the first three days are behind me. They went surprisingly well. Four weeks ago I started light therapy again and I’m finally experiencing some effects. Hurray hurrah, for fake sunlight 😊 Only two more days of work and then I’ll be having a week off. It’ll be a good time to take a step back and review the past 1,5 years.. I’ve said way too many goodbyes. I want more hello’s in my life. Maybe start by welcoming the person I see in the mirror every day? 🙋‍♀️

* NOPE *

Hi @Kris, thanks for your honest reply and I’m sorry you were worrying last night. I truly hope you can find a way to strengthen your resolve because of this. You are still in your first year and I remember well how scary it was back then to see people give up there quit, especially those who had quite some time under their belt. Please know - it’s been a matter of neglecting myself. I gradually got complacent, allowed some junkie thinking patterns back in. And then, when one thing after another happened, I gave in. It was preventable! Ugh. You are right - I did well in my quit. Untill I didn’t. I try to see these as two seperate things: the well-doing doesn’t change because of the relapse and the relapse is a relapse, no matter how ‘well’ I did. I hope your next night will be a bit less worrisome 😊

Tuesday morning, day 3. Got a long day ahead of me and I think I need to be in time with self care. 🩹 Things to do, when a crave hits me: * take a walk around the building * find a quiet place somewhere and take five deep breaths * try to realize that this crave changes nothing about your longing to be free from nicotine * Take the leap and trust in the simple passing of time! * drink cold water or tea Pfiew. Let’s do this.

*** N O P E ***

Doing ok here. Peeking once in a while, and I noped this morning. Back on track, yay 🤪🥳

Nope 🥳

Monday morning, the start of day 2. Yesterday went well. No major cravings and I took it easy. I’ve sort of accepted that this stage is where I’m at now. The only thing that will determine my succes, is whether or not I light up.. 🤷‍♀️ Everything else is temporary. (While writing this, I’m very aware that one of these days my addicted mind will mess with me again).

Rock bottem. Been smoking on and off for two, three weeks. I dont even know exactly. What a shame nightmare. Nothing left but to start all over again. Grrrrr. Its giving me headaches and inflamations and moodswings. Its effing stinky. I hate this addiction and my own weakness! Djiez. Must face this bs addiction again from day 1. So here goes. My own words, because no one is going to do this for me: So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey.

For the last two, three days thoughts about smoking have been creeping up on me. I’ve not been paying too much attention, but I remembered where that brought me last time: I had to reset my quit date.That is not too long ago, just a little over four months. Reality check! Both my mental and physical health are important to me. I want to keep it that way. Smoking would jeopardize both. I need to figure out what the thoughts represent, there’s probably some part of me that I’ve been ignoring. Note to self: figure out the meaning and bring your attention to that.

@Katgirl ok 👍

That's a very personal question Kat, which I'm not going to answer.

Can’t believe it - 100 days sober already. Its definitely not all fun and games, but worth it in every way. I think this is the longest time, since I was sixteen, that I’ve been both off meds, cannabis, nicotine and alcohol at the same time. I've had really tough nights, but also the wonderful experience of being less anxious. Childhood memories bubbling up both super sad and very joyous. Some days my senses are completely numb, but there’s also the odd moment that colors seem brighter and everything in me just seems at peace. I cherish these moments and I know they will eventually happen more and more often. Its a big thing for me, to see beauty in slow progress. It takes courage and patience. Its much more a matter of not doing things and being with the uncomfortable, than to throw myself in battle and fight. I’d love for my cheery self to come back soon.. when she does, I welcome her with open arms!

Hi Kate, I hope the ketamine infusions will ease things for you. I admire your perseverance.