MLMR

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Yihaa, 1/3 in the pocket! Congrats

@Doreensfree i love it when people obtain their license later on! It shows courage to start the lessons and eventually do the testing. How nice you made it! And ofcourse it was your instructors fault. They do that on purpose, tsss.? @reciprocity I think so too. The cruise you spent your quit-savings on is one of the many inspirations this board gave me, did i ever tell you that? Blackened lungs and little breath on one side, oceans, bright skies and lots of sun on another. Easy pick! @jillar thanks. This morning i read back from page 1 to 19, heartwarming to read every single response. I almost cant believe where I was six months ago, frightened and nervous. Determination came with every week passed.. I know i am not there yet. But I know I am going steady regardless of everything that happened lately. Yes!

Smokey memories. Went away with sis yesterday, to get my very first diving lesson ever (birthday present, so cool). Have not spent together-time with her other dan dinner or drinks, for the last 6 months. So there it was: right when she picked me up for the 2,5 hr drive, I was thinking about our first smoke stop. That thought kinda stayed with me all day and whenever it presented itself again, I told myself how I was using this day to pave at least one new brain pathway. About the diving itself.... uhm ... well, let's just say challenging. But after the initial ohmygodiamcrazyfordoingthis I picked myself up and did it anyway. I didn't see no fishy at all, though the tank was crowded with it. I was way too busy belly breathing and adjusting the air in my uhm whats it called, vest? Conclusion: swimming and diving are two totally different sports and I'll stick to the first. And when we left the place, people smoking everywhere. The smell, disgusting! The gap between mental ' wanting' and the physical attraction of smoking is growing. To me it looks sad and lonely on people, even when they smoke together. I see a junky getting his fix, nothing more to it. But obviously memories still need to be dissected, one by one. And how I long for the day even thát part is over!

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It does show addictions face, smoking a last cigarette through horrible pneumonia while on steroids, antibiotics and inhalers. I really believe awareness about ones own junky mind comes afterwards and needs to be cultivated. Thats where a solid quit is build.. -edit- I think what I mean is, putting it out is, as crazy as it sounds, just a part of quitting. Its really nothing more than... putting it out. The ritual thing gives the cigaret way more credit than it deserves. I whish you determination this time, Lilly. You say you didnt have a choice, health wise. There's always choice, whether its about smoking a last one OR smoking a first-of-many-one.

You forced yourself to have a cigaret so you can quit smoking because your life is at stake. Where's the logic in that?

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I remember the 'intense face with uninterested posture' was one of the aspects of smoking I liked doing, as a teen. It was undeniable: 'Wow that girl is one with her cigaret and look how she LIVES that attitude'. They feel the same in Sons of Anarchy. Luckily they get to blow party whistles!

Note to self: stay sharp. Know what this is about. "When I saw his casket being lowered into the ground, I lost every single ounce of desire for a cigarette. I quit cold turkey without any cravings or thoughts of cigarettes anymore. I did not have withdrawal symptoms, or if I did, I didn't notice them because my heart was broken and grieving desperately for my only brother who laid six feet under ground. Cigarettes can and will kill you. Sometimes you die slowly, sometimes you die quickly, it all depends on what disease you get from smoking. It took a heart wrenching horrific tragedy to open my eyes. Don't wait until it's too late, quit smoking today and embrace life to the fullest without lethal cigarettes in your system. You can do it." https://whyquit.com/whyquit/Memorial.html

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Both my work and private phone gave up on me, on the same day. And somehow I ran out of coffee. And why can't I just deal in NORMAL ways with stimuli or in this case, the lack of that. FFS!

hey ICH, how are you doing today? (well here it is daytime anyway). And how about with/without patch? Tell us aaaallll about it!

Parsley, 6 months yay! Congrats. How are you doing?

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Wait. This topic is about the first week. I just described my first months. Slept all the way through first week. Don't remember much ?

Yes yes yes!!!! The six month high! I'm feeling it, yihaa! I did it, I made it this far. And if I can make it is this far, ofcourse I'll reach a year! I was just opening my window and I smelled winter and promising spring at the same time. No more stinking smokey covering up, no more hiding, no more shame about addiction. I am proud that I stuck to what I promised myself 6 months ago and have been promising myself every day since. Rollercoaster or not, life throw ups or not... djeez. I am one tough mofo, ha! Eat that, life!

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Icewater. Yelling in pillow. Allowing myself to go through the crave, feel it and then after few minutes push myself to detach from it. Writing and reading everything, in hopes vital information was stored. I think it was Walking walking walking. Around the house, during lunchbreaks, powerwalks as well as long, tiring km's. For a period of one month I put myself on tomato/cucumber/egg/nuts snacks. To prevent myself from treading one addiction for another. It worked. Vital for me was (and still is!!) 1. examination of my junkie thinking and 2. finding out what's underneath: something in me is crying for attention. What is it and can I provide it? If not, how do I handle this without smoking <- because that should be your ultimate goal here. Oh and one of the angels here kept reminding me about forcing myself to look for beauty. Even if the whole world felt like there wouldnt be any beauty, like EVER, and everything was a big pile of stinky messy sadness. Thanks for that.

Thanks for telling! Its nice to see new people hopping on and you really do yourself a favour by introducing yourself and reading about others who took control. What a great goal you have. I had a 3 hour walk along the beach just yesterday and it felt so good, no dizzyness whatsoever. Like @johnny5 said, reach out when you struggle so we can provide support. How are you today?

Nope. Ofcourse I won't go to the gas station. This is time for bed, not nightly relapsing. Making the same choice as I did the other 186 days. Nope.

I usually dont believe in special someones... bit of a love cynic here, but above all too fond of my freedom. But with him, it was different. I thought. Never ever did I think about buying a house with someone (aka, building a future) untill I met that guy. And yet .... this is where we are at. The situation calls upon my sanity and patience. And sooner or later, just with quitting smoking, things will ease out and ill be able to move on. But first, wine and brownies ?