MLMR

So, I relapsed. What a sh*t show this is. All went so well, untill it didnt. I am mad and a bit empty. How can I be SO straight forward, hard working and true to myself for more than two weeks and then suddenly give up? Did the work, figured out where I went wrong. Its almost like I am two different persons in a 5 minute time span. I dont want to smoke, I want to be healthy, free and proud! Djiez! I friggin hate this. Really do. Let myself down again.. unbelievable. I dont want to be that person who tries/fails/tries/fails again. And yet, here we are. Smoking ruins my spirit, and shoot, did I forgot. Not a special snowflake. Dust off, buckle up and go. Damnit. Sorry for my cursing. Cant believe I am actually writing this.

Nope

Wow. This is a great, self caring way to secure your quit. This means you wish yourself truth and health. I wish you just that. Have a good time, do what you need to. Its ok to experience every second of it, greeting it like you said. Again, wow.

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Today marks two weeks, Yesss. Been a ride, so far. Stupid things make me cry (like two motorcyclists greeting each other, wtf thats beautiful! Or breaking a wine glass. Ohhh noooooooo. Why me. ) and I have so much more energy. How have there been 24 hours in a day before and how have I been smoking so many of them away? As if life would wait for me..? Also: had plenty moments where I thought, ok cave now and regret later, you know this could be breaking point. Just. Dont. Do. It. Different situations need different solutions, thats an encouraging thought. Over all I am doing really ok. As If Im removing some dust layers. I take long walks every day! Went to the dunes and sea early this morning, saw the sun rise. Astonishing. I sleep well. I dont have any major moodswings, such a relief. My mental health is… ok. Wow. What helped is that i built in new habits from day one: starting the day with a glass of water, then herbal tea. After lunch/dinner I immediately clean up and do something extra: a drawer, cleaning a pair of shoes (:p), whatever, really. When something challenging happens, I check how I feel about it, and what I need to get through that moment without a smoke. I try not to linger on the thought of a cigarette, not even for a second. Distraction, distraction, think beautiful things. It helps. The replies to my sos were so helpfull, read them repeatedly. Theres so much gold here to be found. Thanks a lot!

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Thanks all for replying. Im almost embarrased now. I went to the beach, took a very long walk. It helped. I would love to answer in my own language now, cant find the words. It was tough. Made it though. Thanks again, so much.

Hi. I hope it will helpt to write this off my chest. Im having such a bad day, same as yesterday. The cravings keep on coming, its way worse than the first week. Nothing seems to help for long -> cold water, distraction, breathing. Not sure If I want to yell or cry. I keep telling myself theres no danger, as long as I dont actually light up. What a nasty addiction, bahhh.

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Ha Bri, brilliant and true. They go away if you smoke and they go away if you dont smoke. Spot on. The choice is mine. Glad I survived the day. I feel my baby quit is worth more to me every day, and overcoming cravings really matters. Djiez I want to put on some schlagermusic and cry haha. Omg. The drama.

Exactly this. Gif made me laugh, thanks!

Hello Kdad, I remember you from a few years back. Sorry to hear you divorced - and relapsed. I did too, took me a good 2,5 years to pick myself back up again. Must be a difficult time for you atm. Wishing you all the best, and let us know how we can help you! I for one know that you can do it all over again!

These cravings, ffs!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!! Grrrrr. Omg omg omg. Tonight I’ll be relieved and proud. Right now I am aaaallll over the place. Pfiewww.

This is my My. Big. Fat. Nope.

Had a bit of a sh*tty day today. Multiple cravings, didnt know where, what or why. Said: Nope. Nope. Nope. No discussion about it. Felt relieved afterwards! This attitude does work. Trying to downsize as much as possible. I am so happy about my sleep, apart from two or three bad nights everything is ok. Makes it all a lot less tense. Day 8 already. Moving fast!

I remember doing this during my first quit. Couldnt face leaving cigarettes behind me and so I kept rolling them, smelling them, holding them in my hands as if I was about to light up. Everyone around me smoked at that time, including my bf. It gave me a (false) sense of security I guess and also: power. Because I would NOT light up and I only did it during easy times, wouldnt jeopardize myself. Or so I thought. Now, looking back at that I think Its a bizarre thing to do. Im actually a bit ashamed about it, as well. I kept romanticising the smoking lifestyle. Ive pretty much sobered up since then: smoking just means slowly killing yourself. I hope you stay with us quitters, Brioski. Dont make me catch up!

Wake up at 6. Drink coffee. Enjoy silence. Take one hour walk. Drink tea. Enjoy energy and space in chest. Shower. Start rest of the day. Aye.

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… and suddenly, Its almost been a week. I am doing good. One or two slightly difficult moments during the day, but thats pretty much it. I have a lot to be thankfull for: I am healthy, have a job, good friends and I live in freedom. I made a mantra about that, to remind myself that I have the luxury of choosing a healthy life. Its a privilege and to me its a gentle way of saying, ok, dont whine and get on with it. This positive attitude about it -> its somewhat ‘fake it untill you make it’ but it works. Focussing on what I gain and knowing that all these awkard feelings are essentially just a sign that im doing the right thing. I guess detox is over now, on to the next phase. I am excited about it, reminds me of my very first quit years ago. I am curious of the discoveries to come.

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day 5 = done. Yeah.