MLMR

Yeah, why. I don't know. I hate that craves are still there, despite education and just letting time pass. I hate that I still have to work for it, next to all the work I have to do to cope with general moodswings and brain that tends to think in extremes. I hate this sounds like a pity party. Where is that turning point every body keeps talking about? Sure, I have easy moments/days by now and yes, reading back I realise I'm making progress. When I started 107 days I made a deal with myself, not the hard way. Steady and forward, but not harsh. And where am I at now? Beating myself up on the inside for sos-ing and hardly able to talk in a gentle way to myself. I really do believe all of this also makes the quit stronger. But dang, there has to be a kinder way? Thanks a lot for all of your answers. They mean much to me, though I sound grumpy and through with it.

I wrote down everything thats repulsive about smoking, everything I could think of for the last 30 mins. I know it all. And yet... there's moments like this. Well, so be it then. Grmbl. At least Im tired bc of the adrenaline rush. I keep reminding myself that lighting up is the ONLY thing that fvucks up the quit and that this event doesn't have to scare me. Back to basics. Thats right. Even tho I feel I should be way past basics right now.

2:27 pm. Can't sleep, miserable and want to keep quit more than anything else. Yet, that urge to drive to the gasstation... ughhh. I know ill be one step closer to 'done' if I ride this out and that this is temporary. What a crappy mofo sh*t addiction this is, man!!! Crying out for help in the het middle of the night, to prevent myself from buying something that causes illness and early death. Come on... I want my mojo back, my spirit! Ahhhhhhrghhh *will get there, will get there, will get there*

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The first and the very last line are the most important, imho. And you want to live by them if you are serious about this. I quit for three years as well. And for a long time I kept referring to that, both in positive and negative ways ('I did it then, I can do it now!' And 'I did it then, why can't I now?'). I know now that comparing all the quits of my life... it's just not working for me. It makes room for excuses and fallacies. This, here, now is where I have to make it happen. Curious about your journey, are you planning on sharing it?

Hey blur, I remember you from when I just quit. You recommended Allen Carr to me..? If i'm correct, you were in your first days as well at that time. I can't begin to tell you how glad I am for being at 106 days. What helped me was making sure I kept WANTING that quit, no matter what. Made lists over and over and over again about what I'd gain and how I was making progress. Make this your project, for a whole year. It might be too late, if you wait.

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@Martian5 many many congrats! Great you went out for dinner. Im sure the light is blinding. . Getting closer and closer, woohoo!!

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For me, with having dysthymia and living my life a great deal of the time in survival modus, it is also hard. BUT it's doable. I am not a special snowflake, you are neither. I am batteling the same addiction as someone who sails through life easy. My coping may be different sometimes, my challenges are not your challenges. But the principle of addiction stays the same. And the solution likewise: Don't. Put. Anymore. Nicotine. In. Your. System. Ever. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your friends. Talk to your support system. Do what you need to make circumstances as right as possible for you.

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You want to be a vaper....? Is that a thing nowadays? I smell something fishy here... (thanks for handing me the opportunity to post this appropriate pic )

Xcusezlesmoi.. better late than never, congrats on reaching three years! For me, still newbie, its inspiring to see the phartez offer support and knowledge. Makes me believe it truly is achievable. Thanks for that.

Jo, amigo! You did it, reaching the lido deck like an aussie Queen! Although Ive only seen the last 3 months of it... I party with you as hard as everyone else! I think it's amazing what you did. Not just the quitting... but the support you offer to others, the stories you tell, your writing talent. Ive enjoyed so many of your 'it's ...day' tales in the nope pledge. Isn't it a just the coolest idea someone in rainy Holland wakes up, curious about what day Jo makes of it? Thats the power of connection through this board... and your contribution is so valuable! Ahhhh, one year!! Congratulations and I whish you a very special celebration, with lots of spoiling and good food and beautiful australian things and more things and more glitter and whatever is on your whish list!

Nope. It may be slippery business sometimes, but so far the outcome at the end of my day is always zero smokes ?

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