MLMR

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Yep, sounds very familiair. It's something you have to find your way through. It won't last forever. Its a fase, it will pass. And then a different fase wiI follow... ? I did and still do lots of walking, to pass time and to stop my mind from racing on about smoking. One month, nice! Well done. ?

Disturbing. I know three people who vape and, not kidding, these people are loosing their soul ever since they started that sh*t. They treat that device like it's some precious jewel or something. They have become more nervous, less interested in the world around them. I talked to an acupuncturist, he said he's had an significant increase of customers, vapers, with anxiety problems. I don't really read a lot about this, but my instinct tells me that this is bad.

I forgot to nope today! Brilliant!

'a Journey' is the philosophical way of looking at it. 'Shitty, empowering and highly challenging' is what I'd rather call it. If there's one thing I know after 145 days of being smoke free, it's that I. WILL. NEVER. EVER. PUT. MYSELF.THROUGH. THIS. CRAP. EVER. AGAIN. Crystal clear motivation. Quitting has had an effect on my relationships, my work, my daily rhytm, my everything. It's like I am reinventing myself, but not in a gradual, beautiful way. At some point the caterpillar seemed to evolve in something completely different than a colourful butterfly... The dust is still settling. I've come to some pretty sad but strengthening conclusions: I am capable of mourning and going to a funeral of someone I hold dear and not smoke. I can find myself in the middle of relationship crisis and still stand my ground. I found some consolation in staying true to myself, regarding my quit. I can deal with heavy panick attacks and remain without cigarettes . Anxiety seems to be diminishing by the way, but since that would be a glorious hallelujah and I am so afraid of disappointing myself with hope, for now I won't be focussing on that (but yeah. It is actually less of a daily base problem. Hoooly cow. Aaahhhhhh. Imagine if that pattern persists. I would get back part of my life). I discovered that I'm pretty much through with my job but I have to endure untill I find something else. Realisation of missing out on proper grown-up education hits harder than ever, now that I'm unable to dull these thoughts. But there's a tiny glimpse of something new: 'if I can do this, I may be capable of so much more'. Shitting seven colours... but looking in to re-educating. I am learning to dance my waltz with time. If quitting does one thing, it's messing with perspective. Since one month or so, I feel like I am regaining 3D view again. I am able to see depth once more and I am learning to be here now, without losing my horison. Next week will mark five months for me. I have many reasons to continue like I do. But one thought is most empowering: it's all in my hands!

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I can't think of many scenario's where I couldnt resist smoking, but your dream scenery is pretty close ?

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Congratulations on this super special day M5. I hope you celebrate in a way that suits you, doing something you like. One whole year, whaaaahhh!! Yay yahippie! To me, youve been of the trustworthy, steady factors here on the board. Thanks a lot for that, do you realise your value to others? Better be aware of it and take the credit you earn!

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Congratulations on those very important first 2 months!

Wow Linda, 5 months already. Congratulations!

In all honesty, at this point freedom still means hard work! If not debunking addict thoughts, it's accepting where I'm at... exercizing radical patience.... believing that whatever comes my way, I'll be in good shape to handle it without burning something so I can inhale the smoke... On the bright side, I believe that these are all qualities that I'll benefit from for the rest of my life!

Thanks a lot for sharing this. Sorry to hear about the passing of your mum and your friend's relapse. I long so much for smoking being just a memory. I know that every day is part of the trip, but how I whish I could fast forward time and just be done with it! Thanks again @Marti, this gives me hope.

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Nooooooope