MLMR

'...The memory of her last few months haunts me. She was in so much pain and couldn't breathe. Watching your loved one go through something like this is heartbreaking and if this email stops just one person from taking a puff, then I feel that it's worth it.' https://whyquit.com/whyquit/Memorial.html Not only would you die early, chances are you'd put your loved ones up with awfull memories. Ten times worse than just dying if you ask me. These stories are actually real.

Memories...! Building lots and lots of mysterious lego constructions, reading under the blankets with a flashlight, four years of ice skating(for which I lacked total talent), more reading, also catching tadpoles and watch them grow. I once went cleaning the bowl they were in and dropped it. We found dried mini frogs all year. I spent so much time with my younger sister, we did everything together. From annoying our parents to comforting eachother when they were having another one of their awfull fights. I stole my first cigaret when I was 13, didnt have a clue how to light it. I almost choked and swore I would never start doing that, even pledged it in my diary. I recall writing something about vomiting and death, happy cheerfull kid that I was. One year later I was occasionaly having smokes with some of the badass neighbour kids and at 15 I spent my paper route money on Luckies. Which became John Player Special, Chesterfield, Gauloises, roll your owns Drum and later on Javaanse jongens 3/4.

Nope

Yihaa, 1/3 in the pocket! Congrats

Nope

Nope

It does show addictions face, smoking a last cigarette through horrible pneumonia while on steroids, antibiotics and inhalers. I really believe awareness about ones own junky mind comes afterwards and needs to be cultivated. Thats where a solid quit is build.. -edit- I think what I mean is, putting it out is, as crazy as it sounds, just a part of quitting. Its really nothing more than... putting it out. The ritual thing gives the cigaret way more credit than it deserves. I whish you determination this time, Lilly. You say you didnt have a choice, health wise. There's always choice, whether its about smoking a last one OR smoking a first-of-many-one.

You forced yourself to have a cigaret so you can quit smoking because your life is at stake. Where's the logic in that?

Nope!

I remember the 'intense face with uninterested posture' was one of the aspects of smoking I liked doing, as a teen. It was undeniable: 'Wow that girl is one with her cigaret and look how she LIVES that attitude'. They feel the same in Sons of Anarchy. Luckily they get to blow party whistles!

Nope

Nope!

hey ICH, how are you doing today? (well here it is daytime anyway). And how about with/without patch? Tell us aaaallll about it!

Parsley, 6 months yay! Congrats. How are you doing?

Nope!

Wait. This topic is about the first week. I just described my first months. Slept all the way through first week. Don't remember much ?

Yes yes yes!!!! The six month high! I'm feeling it, yihaa! I did it, I made it this far. And if I can make it is this far, ofcourse I'll reach a year! I was just opening my window and I smelled winter and promising spring at the same time. No more stinking smokey covering up, no more hiding, no more shame about addiction. I am proud that I stuck to what I promised myself 6 months ago and have been promising myself every day since. Rollercoaster or not, life throw ups or not... djeez. I am one tough mofo, ha! Eat that, life!

Nope!

Icewater. Yelling in pillow. Allowing myself to go through the crave, feel it and then after few minutes push myself to detach from it. Writing and reading everything, in hopes vital information was stored. I think it was Walking walking walking. Around the house, during lunchbreaks, powerwalks as well as long, tiring km's. For a period of one month I put myself on tomato/cucumber/egg/nuts snacks. To prevent myself from treading one addiction for another. It worked. Vital for me was (and still is!!) 1. examination of my junkie thinking and 2. finding out what's underneath: something in me is crying for attention. What is it and can I provide it? If not, how do I handle this without smoking <- because that should be your ultimate goal here. Oh and one of the angels here kept reminding me about forcing myself to look for beauty. Even if the whole world felt like there wouldnt be any beauty, like EVER, and everything was a big pile of stinky messy sadness. Thanks for that.

Thanks for telling! Its nice to see new people hopping on and you really do yourself a favour by introducing yourself and reading about others who took control. What a great goal you have. I had a 3 hour walk along the beach just yesterday and it felt so good, no dizzyness whatsoever. Like @johnny5 said, reach out when you struggle so we can provide support. How are you today?

Nope. Ofcourse I won't go to the gas station. This is time for bed, not nightly relapsing. Making the same choice as I did the other 186 days. Nope.

Nope

Yeah, finally 6 months!!!! Been looking forward to this moment and now it feels like... just another up-and-down day. ? Nothing new there, been like that for the past six months, many unexpected highs and often when I 'should feel' like celebrating, nothing happens. Well, whatever. I am kicking *ss anyway. Thanks all so much for every kind word, the butt kicking, the cheering. I am glad I made the decision to do this together with you guys. Month 7, here I come!

Nope

What a brilliant way of looking at it. No personified nicotine devil at work, but just your EA doing its job.