MLMR

I just re-read my first post here: 'Hi there, this is me introducing myself. First time here, but not new to this whole quitting thing. Have been smoking on and off since I was 15 (in my mid-thirties right now). My most serious quit lasted for three whole years. I am sweating carrots (yes, in Holland we do that when we are afraid) by the thought alone, to start this journey all over again. I am not so sure how to handle it this time. I feel like I know everything there is to know and still don't feel confident enough. In the past I used to read a lot about addiction, fear, etc. I bought different kinds of cleansing tea, drank water until I became a water balloon, tried to meditate and then always ended up failing miserably. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I also have the experience of becoming calmer and much more relaxed at non-smoking life, but only gradually after the first year. I know it will take time. I know I want to take that time. And still I am terrified. My quit date is next friday, 24-08-2018. I shall look around a bit, hopefully it will motivate me. I do not need willpower or pride, but faith. That much I know..' So, not really a plan, 'just' a strong desire. I think thats mainly what got me through so far. For me, every phase is so different and I have no golden rule exept not lighting the damn thing.

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Yes yes yes, yeahhhhh yahoo!!!! Ten months in the pocket What did I lose? 1. a great deal of anxiety. And when its there, I handle it better. 2. a lot less dissociation. Both 1. and 2. are major to me. 3. 6 out of 8 coffee's a day 4. a certain nervousness, agitation that used to push me through the day. What did I gain? 1. confidence 2. a better sense of being IN my body, IN the moment. 3. obviously better health 4. a strong NOPEmuscle. When every other option fails (working through thoughts, reading stuff about addiction, watching vids, punching pillow, endless walks on the beach etc) Nope ALWAYS does the trick. I actually thought, maybe I should apply it in daily life's situations way more often. Just, nope. And no explanation needed. 5. And so much more... I still learn how to set better boundaries. I am still tired a lot, I am not sure if thats because I used to ignore that and now I can't anymore, or that it is something new. I find that each phase in this proces has its own theme's and challenges.. but all through that, there's the experience of getting better at quitting and growing and becoming healthier, keep focussing on that bigger picture. Its been navigating between, what needs attention NOW and, trusting in where I am headed. Thanks all for your support and wonderful contributions on here. Its amazing how many of you are dedicated to helping others by providing much needed information and cheering!

A bit late, but... congrats! I read your SOS, and just so you know...my 10th was worse than my 9th... this addiction works in crazy ways But, you are rockin' it nonetheless, and I am very sure there will be a time where every possible trigger will be conquered and smoking will be nothing more but a vague memory. Upwards and onwards!

Oh Tammy, wow! Congratulations on your achievement, 12 months, one whole year!!! I know youve had your challenges along the way and I admire you so much for going on. Youve been an inspiration to me more than once, you know that? You carried on with grace, no matter what.. I very much hope you celebrated in style, cose you earned it! Look, you had them all:

So....which way did you go @...... ?

Mona! What happened?

Doreen, I am so sorry. Must be so heartbreaking after loving him and taking care of him for so long. Take really good care of yourself and let others do that for you as well, dear Doreen!

Woohoo, congrats on your first month, well done! How are you doing?

Yes, yes!! Thanks! 9 months - yet another magic milestone. Here I am, 9 months away from my last cigarette! Proud, happy, sleeping better than ever. Me and anxiety have an understanding and I do pretty well with that now. There was a time, between 5 - 7 months I think, where I went crazy because quitting seemed to dominate my every day. That is sooo over now! Thrilled about how quickly and unexpected things changed, eventually. Upwards and onward, Lido here I come!

No, no.... no! Was just binging 'Dead to me', netflix series. So far, so good. Ok for a saturday evening on the couch, tea, beers and crochet. Right in the middle of the 4th episode, clues come together, secrets are out in the open, two girl friends having dinner and wine and the dirt is literally on the dinner table. Tears, anger, some jealous car scratching and then.... one of 'm buys cigarettes and the other one says she loves her for it...! And ofcourse they light up and immediately calm down and have a reasonable conversation... oh right. I am in shock! This is soooo Marlboro man old fashion.. how can they still do it like that? I thought we were past that? Apparantly NOT. The only nice thing about it... i felt true repulsion. Really, what a cheap move. -Edit- ah I was too quick. She cant get it lit! Well. What about that. Weird.

Yeah, you truly rock that quit, glitter chick! Congrats on a fantastic job. So awesome you popped in here, I still miss you big time.. love your discovery though and whish you aaaaalll the best with fam and house and love.

Congrats Christa! Good to know that youre still here. Happy to hear about your anxiety decreasing, thats terrific news.

I wonder, what about smoking is it that made me live life from the sideline? Looking back at my smokey years, its like Ive been on a constant watch for smoke facilitating circumstances. It was ALWAYS in the back of my mind, I was building life around smoking instead of the other way 'round. I dont know how I did that. It seems so, so tiring! I cant help but feel like one of those actors in a Tell Sell commercial: its amaaaaaazing!! But... It really is, to me. Time is flying (since 5, 6 weeks) and every morning I wake up after a good night of sleep. Instead of cursing the whole world and whishing not to be talked to before Ive had coffee and at least three cigarettes, I actually do usefull sensible stuff like sleeping a bit late, or pre-read work mail, humming along and well, ladiedahdiedahh. There's still some serious shit going on and its been a pretty hectic past 8 months. But, I decide now. Not the cigarette. No more cravings or 'empty cigarette moments', and yet, prepared with a huge backpack full of knowledge and confidence might they return for some reason. I remember people saying, be proud! And then I tried to be, but often didnt feel like it. I promiss you, that moment will come. Quitting is a super dynamic proces, ups, downs, left, right, hey I am ok, hell no I am not, hey I think Im there and oh shoot, id kill for a smoke right now... and so on. But time goes on, seasons change and you form new habits to challenge your addiction patterns and you learn new skills and you will get used to the new you. I know I did! Its amaaazing!

Hey L4L, good that you wrote that down. These are the memorable moments, important part of out quits. It shows how far youve come in cutting ties with addiction. And isnt it absurd how strong reactions to these images are, seeing a pack and instantly wanting one? Good thing is, that effect will diminish over time as well. Than its just a pack of cigarettes, without meaning. I whish you the best in dealing with the job loss and the hunt for something new!

Linda, yay nine months! I am happy for you and really, really hope you feel the same way too. 3/4 year is awesome. Tell me, whats the single best thing about quitting so far?

Kate, whishing you all the best from The rainy Netherlands. I admire you for researching your health/food, putting the poster on your fridge (I did the same with a letter, but for a different reason). My mental health is improving and I am really starting to experience a new calm. I believe quitting makes the mess in my head easier to bear, proof is piling up especially for the last couple of weeks. I whish the same for you and I know you can do this, despite everything. I bet you are a strong person. Hang in there!

Shit JB, sorry to hear that. Give yourself a firm kick in the butt and get back on track. You had one of the best reasons for quitting Ive read here so far: you want to be able to laugh without choking (and something with 'retard' but I dont know the exact context when you said that so nevermind). Oh and, please let me know when you "decide" to become a smoker again, ill send you one of these awfull Nickelback cigaret boxes! Hey, this is not what you want. Quit it.

Eight months done and dusted. Its been 25°C for some days now, probably too hot for this time of the year. I am so happy that it doesnt affect me at all: it means I did a good job dealing with these craves last summer, when I quit. In terms of seasonal triggers, I think I am safe to say Ive had the worst. Pretty uplifting idea! Time is starting to speed up. I dont know how to describe it, but thoughts of smoking are turning into soft whispers in the background and the days that I hardly think about it are adding up. Its facinating, because I know Ive been working towards this and yet it strikes me as, well, relief? That it really was true, what everyone here said? And that it also works for me..? Working on it, fighting for it, studying on it, all that hard work is starting to really, really pay off now. More and more I am able to let go of holding on to quitting, if that makes sense. Ofcourse I could make a giant list of pro's, but right now these are the most important: * I saved money for more than half a piano (hence the picture). * I save and still have extra money to spend in daily life, which makes me feel more independant. * I feel so much better physicaly, its shocking. * I take care of myself way better. What started as time biding and routine changing, became daily rituals: making ginger tea instead of coffee in the morning, tooth picking/brushing 3 times a day and discovering all sorts of new toothpaste, deep breathing (only managed to do that since i was at 6+ months. So glad I kept trying, its brilliant) and last but not least: slowing down when I am tired, mourning when I experience loss and need to proces and cheering myself up when I know thats what I gotta do (I used to be the person to sít in my sadness, put on Nick Drake and drown myself in it). I really hope this helps you, if youre struggeling at the moment. Things will be better. Every day, even every minute is part of the bigger story. You WILL feel good again, you WILL feel proud eventually and you are doing this for a reason. Cling to it, write it down. Do what you need to, when you need to do it and know that there is never ever a genuine reason why you could not become a nonsmoker.

@Tammy, congratulations on 10! I love that you mention your 'commitment to yourself', thats what ultimately will get you, me and everyone else through. The end of that first year is coming close now!

Thanks a lot! Things are finally, finally calming down. It helped me to spend some less time here, deliberately focussing on other things than quitting. Smoking/quitting is fading to the background and moodswings are balancing out. I do have my moments (just got home from a nice weekend in sunny Germany and I really had to sit for 10' to enjoy the silence of my own house and to realise the slight unease I felt was normal and had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with craving). I am so grateful for the simple passing of time, and for learning to trust the proces. To me, that might just be the most important side reward of quitting. Picture I took when I visited the SS Rotterdam three weeks ago (just for coffee ). The sign hit me, couldnt explain to my friend why! But you guys know!

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I am so sorry for you. I dont know what to say, except that I whish you all the strength and wisdom to deal with this. I admire you for keeping your quit. Thats mighty strong. Please come back here when you need it.

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