MLMR

3…2…1…. Go

First off, thanks for taking the time and making such effort to respond. It means a lot to me, more than I can find the words for. English is not my language and sometimes I’m having a hard time to find the words and that makes me embarassed. Sorry in advance if I say strange things. @DenaliBlues thanks so much for your answer. It brought me to tears yesterday evening, because what you said about being real about the proces meant a lot to me. My fear of depression is a realistic one: ive been there too often. It can be a litteral matter of life and death when that happens. Nicotine does make depression worse. Thanks for saying I belong. That is the essence of where things go wrong in my head/heart. @Paul723 avoiding depression is really only partially ‘choice’. I agree with you that to some extend it is a matter of doing things that are beneficial (sports, eating healthy, etc etc. My toolkit is there). But: It would be too simple to state that it is ultimately up to me wether I get depressed or not. It just doesnt work like that and it implies a sense of ‘its your own fault’.. maybe Im not totally getting your response, would you care to explain then? @Christian99 Your approach is definitely worth concidering. I think I need to add two or three things to my weekly schedule, as to enrich my life. To shift my focus from quitting, to adding good stuff. I am seeing a friend tomorrow morning, will ask her to think with me in that. @intoxicated yoda your words are of help. I will read them again at some point.

Good evening. To be honest: I’m writing this in despair. I have been quitting on and off for more than five years now. I have been on this forum before - with succes. I had a diary as long as the Chinese Wall. During my last attempt, christmas eve uptill this morning, I thought I had it all straight: a family support app, three quit apps, celebrating every little milestone, aromatherapy sh*t to help me cope, water, a million times herbal tea a day, I read every book and listened to whatever addiction related podcast I came across and then the frigging Black dog hits. The first signs of depression, dissociation, suicidal thoughts. And I simply cant deal with it. Nog again. This monster stares me straight in my face and I am so, so scared of going back to that place again. And I KNOW that eventually quitting will aid greatly to better mental Health. Been there for five years long… smokefree, it was heaven. I dont know what to do anymore. How to make this work. It feels like Ive done whatever can be done and yet… I’m too friggin scared for depression. My plan is to continue tomorrow. Start over again and not waiting too long. I want this so badly and yet I am not sure what to do when I’m at that specific point. I do know that Im beyond shame.. maybe thats a good thing, in this case. Are there currently people here with mental health issues, who can tell me their secret with quitting? Some tips? I probably already tried everything already, but I must be open to more. So, there.

Hi Jill, mmm. Had a rough day. I aim for a better one today!

Nope

Hi! Taking it one day at a time as well and following in your footsteps, just so you know. Congrats on this cold turky milestone. All will be better. Hang in!

Nope

Not yet, Paul! Too embarassed for messing up, I think. After all the effort many people put in that thread… mmm. You are right though. Thanks for reminding me. Tons of good advice and spirit in there!

Nope

I made it through the day. Thanks for your great advice and wisdom. I’m still a bit battered - but thats ok. Thanks again, glad I asked. I’ll be happy when this day is over

Im not even sure where to begin. But please, help . The fact that there were a bunch of men that once figured out how to make quitting smokers feel EXACTLY like this in order to make them relaps… is what pushes me throught right now. I need to make it through this day, step by step. Dont lose connection.

Nope

Nope

neen

Little bit late, mmmm sorry. Sleep is slowly coming back, pfffew. Walks, meditation, trying not to be bothered by sleepless nights all that much. Its working out

Hi! Well, long story short, Im back. Day 22 and 1/4. Planning on making this my last ‘day 22 and 1/4 ever’. But now I sleep like crap. Remember this from before, and its driving me insane. Any tips, how to’s, reassurances about maintaining my sanity would be so much appreciated. Thanks!

Just had an appointment with my gp. She confirmed what I already feared: arthrosis in my hands, ankles and most likely knees. As a result of hypermobility. Been having joint pain/stiffness for over ten years, but I professionally ignored it, or thought it had to do with my mental health problems. So, uhm, yeah … have to make a plan for the long run (HA-HA but no) I guess. Got a referral for photos of both knees. Will be seeing a podiatrist. After that, gonna make a plan together with a medical physiotherapist to increase muscle strength but also to get to know my physical boundaries better and not lose myself in either pushing the limits, or exercise as little as possible. Balance, not really my thing. We also talked about quitting smoking and how disappointed I was after two weeks of non-smoking and pain because of excessive walking, while at the same time it felt so good mentally. Its sinking in that this will require a lifestyle change. Its a all bit overwhelming tbh. But I guess once thats over, this will help me figure out how I can start to take better care of my self.

@Cbdave Thanks for this post!

Dear quittrainers, just a quick note to let you know that im giving up quitting for now. Simply can’t muster up the energy at this moment. I am not content with that, but I have to give myself some slack at this point. My mental health is too wobbly and there’s too much happening at once. The thing is, I do know that for every reason I’d give for this ‘decision’, there’s a million counter reasons. And it makes me feel like an ass, because I KNOW my addictbrain is in the lead now. And eventually there’s only one way -> forward. I soooo much regret the days after my 4+ and 5+ year quit where i somehow thought it was a good plan to light up again. I’ll be back for sure. Thanks a lot for the support.

Nope

Nope.

Ok, choice is mine I wrote earlier. Im super nervous and I despise that. Got to become friends with me again. Starting now. So, nope.

Thanks. That tone is whats frightening me the most. Im very afraid of becoming this ugly, moodswinging person. Thanks for saying that. I am ALSO very afraid of lung cancer and everyrthing else that is smoke related misery. Just read that Erwin Olaf died after a lung transplantation, after having lung emphysema. He was the most talented photographer in the Netherlands ever. Must be horrific for his loved ones. Sh*t.

Hey Thanks for asking. Not too good. Not really sure how to stay motivated. Going back and forth between, have another go, just do it and: what does it matter anyway.

Not sure what to say at all this. Thanks. But I am so embarassed and mad. I am going camping with a friend for the next five days. She has copd and has been a big motivator for the last couple of weeks. People I know died of lung cancer. Ive seen people struggle with other addictions, in friendships and through work. And I can’t even handle this one myself. Have been quit before, for years. Watched everything there is to see about addiction. Why on earth can’t I control myself ffs's. It’s insane. @Brioski the straw was me, my ego, I guess, can’t blame the situation. Felt unseen, unheard. A bit pathetic, tbh. Grrrrrrr.