Mee

We are having a winter snow storm. I have my life in my husband's hands taking me to grocery store. It was "Old Mother Hubbard" at our house. I am definitely white knuckling it. Getting fixings to make big pot of homemade soup. Will wear red for you. Hopefully it will bring good luck.

Doing great Mrsguest! Keep that quit going!

Hi Ajtvobsessed. So glad you found us. If you can make it two weeks, you certainly can quit. It is just a matter of changing your mindset. I found the best way to avoid a crave was to breath deep and think about the clean air going into my lungs. If it helps suck on a candy or mint. Since you are in paradise, I would relax and enjoy the fruit. I also stayed glued to the forum and read everything I could. I found it helped to read the blogs and how others felt on this journey. There are a great group of people here that want to help you succeed. Please know you can rely on us. Quitting is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. You can do this!

You are so sweet to check in. I am doing fine (except for coming down with another cold). Think I was running myself into the ground and needed some rest. Will never be able to change the dynamics of my family and realize they are a challenge - just like quitting smoking is a challenge. As you said, I was on that ledge yesterday. I know now to step back and protect my quit. We may be snowed in tomorrow. First big blast of the season. We really have had a mild winter. I am so glad you are on this journey with me. We are going to do this together!

Nope!

Nope

Oh my goodness. I paid for years of therapy and I am still crying. I come here and you all lay it out for me. I feel so fortunate to have found this safe place of support and kindness. I know I can do this because I have you all to get me through the tough times. I have taken heed to your advice and know how important it is to protect myself and my quit.

I know you all care. You have all worked so hard to make me a non smoker. Your dedication and encouragement means so much to me. Thanks for helping me through.

In my weak moments, I let that needy child creep out. I so know better than this. It has just been a very long, nonstop week. The pull of the addiction takes advantage of those weak moments. I am a little ashamed at coming so close. Know that I will be sure to protect my quit. I am getting stronger and know that I need to step back right now. I am sure my Dad is out of danger now and do not feel I need to be there all the time. Thanks for your loving words.

Okay. I am good. Cried it out. I think you truley understand and got my back. Thanks. Don't want to inconvenience Doreen to have her fly out here. Love you all.

BKP You have told me nothing more than what many people (and counseling) has told me). I know for my sanity I need to heed that advise. Thank you.

Holding on but still crying. I know smoking will not change my mom. I just needed to feel loved and I know I have that here. Tomorrow she will be on her own. May be have to call one of her son's. I need to to recoup. I think smoking is just a way my way of dealing with the low self esteem.

As usual, my mother's capability to totally throw me off my game and make me feel worthless. They transferred my dad to rehab today and she totally yelled at me all the way there. My mother so totally hurts me with the way she just praises on her boys, who do nothing, and picks on me. If I speak up for myself she tells me it is my fault the boys are the way they are. This has always been my deepest hurt and why I try to be that perfect daughter. How can she be so cruel when she has such a caring daughter.

Nope!

Thanks Opah, I am definitely tired and need a break. I was thinking of trying Uber. My mom can not get into a van or any vehicle with a step up. If I can at least get her there. My husband or I can bring her home. My dad is hanging in there. He may be moved out of ICU tomorrow. Still trying to manage the pain so that he will breath properly. Once they get it managed, he will be moved to rehab. They say it will take 6 weeks for the ribs to heal and that they will be painful for most of that time. Once he gets in rehab, it will be intensive work on his lungs and moving. Rehab is closer to our home, so I was hoping my mom might be able to get herself there but of course they are talking big storm this weekend and a polar vortex following. I almost had an SOS day today. I was tired, crabby and mad at the world. I was having that jump out of the skin kind of day. I thought I was past these kind of feelings. Those thoughts of inhaling that smoke and thinking that it would give me that feeling of relaxation. When did I connect smoking with being the process that made me think I was in control of my life. Thanks goodness I can work through my feelings and realize they are just emotions I don't want to deal with. Giving in to smoking would be just giving into defeat. So instead, being tired, I am going to bed and know that tomorrow will be a new day and a nope day.

Nope

I wish! Mom has a bad foot and walks with a rolator. She can not walk long distances. I have to take her in in a wheelchair. Neither of my brothers have been in to see him. He could die and they haven't even gone to see him. It is actually easier to keep them out of the equation because it is very distressing for me to deal with them. If my dad can get out of intensive care, my mom would just stay the night with him. They have been married 65 years. They hate each other at home but when he is in the hospital, they are like two love birds. So grateful I can vent on here and you all keep me sane!

My dad is holding on okay but he had 5 broken ribs in the front and back and a one punctured the lung and it is partially collapsed. My dad is 90 and the doctors say that this scenario is very difficult for someone that age. The broken ribs are so painful, they do not want to breath properly and pneumonia will set in. They have a hard time controlling pain because of meds that my father is on. They have a trauma team in ICU that work with these patients. If they can get the pain controlled and breathing okay, he will most likely have to go into rehab. They say it takes at least 6 weeks to heal. Right now, I am driving my mom back and forth. I am having to deal with that morning work traffic, which are a breed of their own. Before, when my dad was in the hospital, mom could stay over night. She can not do that in ICU, so then I have to bring her home. Both Mom and Dad can be mentally exhausting. Today, on my way home, I was sure romancing that cigarette. Instead, I stopped and bought donuts, which I need like a whole in the head! Tonight, I am suppose to go out to dinner with my girl friends, to celebrate my birthday coming up. I am going. My husband is going do the taxi service to the hospital. Who knows, I might even have a drink with them. I have been running on empty since Saturday! Thanks for asking and thanks for all the caring wishes and prayers. When I can't sleep at night, I sit and read over the threads and think "Damn Linda, you give some pretty good advice to the newbies". Where would I be if I did not heed my own advice. Smoking is off my table!

Nope

Thanks @Sazerac. You always are full of such wise advice. This rings so true for me also. I am not craving the smokes but my emotions are sure all over the place. Feeling guilt because I was resenting the responsibility my parents had become. I actually found myself leaving and finding quiet spots during the day. My mother is a very unhappy soul and I need to take her in small increments. My mother can not drive herself to the hospital and cannot stay over night because my dad is in ICU. This means I will be spending more time with her. So glad to know you are there to help guide me through. Thanks.

Just got back from emergency room. My dad fell and finally hurt himself pretty good. He has broken 5 ribs and the doctor says patients my dad's age do not do well with that many broken ribs. They are transporting him to the intensive care unit at another hospital. He says this could be a downhill battle for him. I did not think I would be so emotional with the thought of possibly losing my dad. He was so stubborn refusing to go to the hospital and got really mad when I called the rescue squad. I feel so wide awake but know I need to go to bed to get my mom back to the hospital early.

Nope

Wow, you are doing great. Keep on running!

backed up against the wall

I really do like it. It is so cheap. Most of the machines explain themselves. Made it three times this week. I am a little sore but feel so good mentally. Hope you like it.