Mee

Are you asking me? Hanging in but so ready to give in to the crave. I'm so crabby, my husband is hiding. Thought I would feel better by now. The days aren't going fast enough. I haven't been able to be on the site because I have been busy with Dr. appts. with my Dad. Takes a lot of my time but you can't smoke at the Drs. so it is a good thing right now.

I am fascinated. How did you do that? So cute!

I'm only in the beginning and the days are just taking forever to pass. Is there a day that I will not even think of that smoke? I am so impressed with your strength. Keep on going!

One brother lives in California (we are in Ohio). He is very well to do and spends most of his time travelling with his family (for pleasure). He does not have the time or interest in helping. My other bother lives right here in the same community but does not have to lift a finger. He has always been the golden child, who could do no wrong. My parents have always been there to help him out of his binds. He is very disrespectful to me and my family and my parents have allowed him to get away with this for years. In my younger years, I was told to stay home from holidays and events because my brother did not want to be a part of our family. My mother feeds on drama and loves to pit her children against one another. Of course I am the "golden retriever" personality that has always tried to be peaceful and loving but I carry the hurt on the inside. We really all were affected by our childhood. We were physically abused by our father and when he could no longer do that it turned into verbal and emotional abuse. My mother was never a mother. She was a compulsive cleaner. She would lock us in the basement or outside so that she could clean all day. They still live in their big 5 bedroom colonial and cannot part with all their worldly possessions. Neither of them can walk well and I handle all their shopping, medications, drs. appts. and meals. My dad falls on a daily basis and fortunately our ambulance service will come and pick him up. He refuses to go to the hospital. I spent the day there yesterday because he fell and cut his arms all up. If I try to guide them into an assisted living community, my father calls me stupid. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and son, who do help. Wow, it kind of felt good to get some of that out. I could really go on forever. For a long time I thought I did a good job of not allowing the dysfunction to affect my life and family. I surrounded myself with wonderful people. I did however use smoking as a coping device. Now that I am in the thick of this, all those unresolved feelings are really raw. I think if I make it through this quit, it will be a miracle!

Gee, I never considered myself strong. I always thought I was weak because I can't walk away and not care. I guess this is a good time to quit because it has brought me together with understanding, uplifting people that are there to support me. I kind of always felt alone not realizing others have been through the same, maybe worse, situation.

Wish we could just go to lunch together and commiserate. Scotland is a little bit of a distance. Isn't it amazing that, through technology, we can still be there for one another. Hang in there. I am with you buddy. We can do this together!

A very shaky NOPE

I am an only daughter with three brothers. I come from a very dysfunctional family and have many hurts from my days growing in this family. My parents always praised their boys but often put me down. Now I am the only sole caretaker of these two very difficult parents. Not a day goes by that I am not there taking care of them. Oh can they push my buttons. I know in my heart that I am there because I finally want that love that I craved and so deserved but will never get. They are my biggest trigger to want to smoke. I leave there feeling so helpless. At least I survived another weekend. I have shed the tears, come home feeling worthless but managed to avoid smoking.

Yes those are my babies and they all are babies! We always had two golden retrievers and lost one a year ago. So we decided to try the mini golden doodle (which isn't so mini). Then we lost another golden. I always wanted a white golden and finally indulged. It turned out she has a double heart defect and is not expected to live long. The breeder said he would return our money but wanted the dog back. We were afraid he would put her down and refused. He then offered us another dog. My husband was so thrilled but I was thinking it would be difficult with three new puppies. They are eight months now and that has been a journey. I am proud to say that I finally have them walking beside me. When I want a smoke, we take a walk So, yes I would say they are thrilled mommy is quitting smoking.

I did it.

I am right there with you! Hope we can be partners in success.!

I am breathing deeply, trying to stay busy and boy am I crabby. I bit my husband's head off numerous times last night. I couldn't get my ticker to work and couldn't get my profile picture to work. My head is saying nope but my body is wanting a smoke. Wish I could just be put in a coma for a week.

I am new at this and have only made it a day and one half. Right now I am thinking it will take a tremendous amount of courage to get to the point you have. Hang tough and know that I will pray for your strength and the wisdom of the doctors who can help you!

I have been watching all the videos and popping all over this site. For some reason it feels like this is the right place to be. You all seem to make this not so scary as it seems. Day one is down and I am comforted to know I have this wonderful army to get me through the next. I don't think I have ever made it more than a week. I do feel determined.

I am amazed at how many quitters who are hanging in there to help us. So far so good today. So grateful for all your words of encouragement.

Oh my goodness. I have been mulling this site for a long time, not realizing it would be a great place for support. So much wonderful advice. I have been experiencing so much depression and feelings of helplessness lately and a big part of that is the fear of what smoking is doing to me. I have also been taking care of two very difficult, elderly parents and dealing with a husband who is trying to make it to retirement (10 mos.) after doing a physical job his entire life and wearing his body out. He is hanging in there for the benefits because it would be too costly for us. I am retired after driving school bus for thirty years. I so want to be able to enjoy a life with him in retirement. I have been ashamed of my addiction for a long time and just want to stay home to smoke. I have lost all motivation in so many things that I enjoy. Sometimes I feel like I would just like to give up. I don't feel I can share these feeling with anyone close to me. Today is a new day and I am starting it with the challenge of not having that morning smoke. That is a tough one. I will lean on you all and pray that this time I can have some success!

Starting my list right now and do feel a little more encouraged to start this journey. Hope to have my first free day of cigarettes tomorrow.

My doctor talked about acupuncture. Has anyone on here tried that. She is with the Cleveland Clinic. You are right when you say part of my depression is the fact that I can not seem to quit. Your response does make me feel not so alone. I will read through and watch your videos. Thanks for your encouragement. I will try and quit and hopefully with your support I will make it.

I am 64 yrs. old and do want to quit smoking. I just do not have the willpower. I am scared and sure I will die of cancer (you would think that would be enough). I deal with depression and am afraid of the depression that will come with quitting smoking. I have tried the patch. Am afraid to try Chantix because I do take other depression medication. I also have anxiety and panic attacks. Any suggestions or encouragement would be wonderful.